I thought about what I wrote last night. I was pretty honest about my relationship with my wife. I figured she may be a tad upset based on what I wrote. However it was quite the contrary. She loved it and said that my honest writing was initially the reason she fell in love with me. I’ll admit that I showered her with poetry. I slayed the dragon with my words. And now, I don’t write that often. Hell, I used to write in class while my teacher was boring me to death. That bore probably thought I was taking studious notes. But every once in a while, I’ll hear a song on the radio that get my juices flowing again. And last night was probably one of those nights. I just felt like writing. And tonight? Well I have a few things to get off my chest.

Someone told me that while marital problems are usually 50/50 in the blame for them, women usually bring up 80 percent of the problems. It’s not like they are just nagging beasts who continually want to prove how inept we men are. No. They are just much better at vocally communicating in general than men. I’m great at non-verbal communication. You should see me. My wife can have a conversation with me, in which she does all the talking.

Carol: Did you hear about so and so?
Me: (Nod my head)
Carol: She did you know what with you know who.
Me: (Eyes open real wide)
Carol: And she’s playing her boyfriend.
Me: (Shake my head)
Carol: And he caught her talking to him on the phone.
Me: (Raises the eyebrow)
Carol: And then he stuck a banana in her tailpipe and her car wouldn’t start.
Me: (Big Mr. Miagi smile)

You see there. I didn’t have to say one word and my wife and I had a very entertaining conversation. So I’m not surprised about that statistic that I heard. I remember watching an episode of the Cosby Show when I was younger. Cliff and Claire (like you don’t know who they are) had a fight and were trying to work it out. Claire being the mean wife that she was, decided that she and Cliff would do an exercise to get their frustrations out so they could make up. This exercise had them both write on paper what they didn’t like about each other. Cliff wasn’t upset at his wife anymore and decided he would play her game. So he wrote down about two things and stopped. Clair was writing vigorously and steam was coming out of her hands. Cliff said he was done, while Claire said she wasn’t and continued writing. Cliff then grabs the paper again and starts writing, this time without the smile on his face. Claire then asks him why he was writing more. Cliff says that he just thought of more things to write. And just like mean wife that she is, Claire snatches the paper out of Cliff’s hands and starts reading his reasons for being upset at her. She then gets upset again and says, “You didn’t even finish the sentence. (She reads one) I don’t like it when Clair does….... You didn’t even finish the sentence.” And Cliff’s reply was classic. “You fill in the blank. You know what you did.”

Man if I was only Bill Cosby and could come up with witty comebacks like that. When my wife and I argue, my wit deceives me. When we are doing great, not fighting, I stay on my toes knowing that one day we’ll argue again and think of all the mean things I could say where I still look like the good guy thus making her look like the bad guy. Just in case an argument breaks out. I don’t want to be off my game and let her one up me at my own game. But whenever we do have an argument, I babble like my young son. I don’t even make sense of what I’m talking about. If my wife blames me for something, instead of being suave and witty, my reply is something to the effect of, “well you did it and you know it so good.” What the hell? Why does my wittiness leave me? Does that mean I’m in the wrong when I can’t even put together a working sentence? My wife can be so good in arguments too. She makes me feel three feet tall. Wasn’t I the one with the journalism degree? Am I the one who is supposed to be swift with the English language? Well maybe, but not when my wife is mad at me. Man, I’d rather cut the grass, wash the clothes, change the diapers or put up Christmas lights than be on the losing end of an argument with my wife. Just knowing that she got the upper hand on me gets my goat. And that smile that she gives while I’m trying to be angry is the worst. And all of a sudden, the roles change. I’m the one doing the talking and she’s the one doing the head nodding, head shaking, and eye brow raising. But that’s why God created the men brilliant enough to create video games. When she acts like that, I plug in Madden 2002 and yep, I’m back in the saddle again.

Carol: We’re not done arguing.
Garrett: (Shakes his head vertically)
Carol: Oh no, turn that thing off.
Garrett: (Shakes his head horizontally)
Carol: If you don’t turn that off, I’m going downstairs.
Garrett: (Big Mr. Miagi smile again)

Yeah, while the women may bring up 80% of the problems, men are good at not solving those 80%.

You know what is interesting. In the whole scheme of things, I thought being a husband would be much easier than being a father. I mean I was great at dating. I was one of the best daters ever. When Carol and I were dating, I was the type of boyfriend she would brag about. Poetry? Check. Thoughtful notes? Check. Unexpected flowers? Check. I was simply great. I don’t know where that ended. I would have to say when Brian was born. I was always under the impression that as long as you’re a great father, your relationship with your spouse would blossom as well. I figured if you did all the right dad things like playing with the kid, changing the diapers, waking up in the middle of the night to feed the baby, wake up early with the baby to let mom sleep, that my wife would be so proud of me. But what I forgot to do was really pay attention to her needs from me. I forgot the one thing that I shouldn’t have and that was that even though we had kids, our own relationship still had to grow. I still had to do all the things I had done, and still do the current things with the baby. Man, life is tough. You see, when you get married, and the pastor, or father, or judge just marries you and that’s it. They don’t really give you much advice, or any worth listening to. It’s not like they’re not trying to help you, it’s just that when you get married, you’re not thinking about what happens five years down the road. You’re thinking in the present time. You’re thinking about what you’re going to do that day, not how you’re life will be in five years. They don’t give you a book on how to make your relationship last and how things will change. If they did, man the divorce rate wouldn’t be 50% or whatever it is. Now I’m not saying Carol and I are in trouble. Far from it. But what I am saying is that I’m a lousy husband who is trying to get it right.

In my eyes, I’m a great dad. The kids love me, I discipline them, teach them funny things, show them who Michael Jordan and Barry Bonds are, buy them clothes, more shoes than they need, and simply shower them with all my love. But while I expend all that energy on them, I’m still supposed to show my wife the same? Man, after all the love I give my kids, I’m spent. It’s almost like if I was running two miles, at the end of the run, my energy tank is depleted and of course I’d need to rest before I’d be able to run any more. I give my kids so much, that when I’m done with them, my love tank is running on empty. And when it’s my wife’s turn, I’m so winded that I ask her for water. It’s not fair, but it’s something I haven’t yet learned how to do. My kids are so young. I feel like I need to be there for their every second of life. I mean what if something happens to me? I don’t want to miss a thing as Steven Tyler once said. But then it’s my wife who is left out.

I’m not such a bad person, just someone who hasn’t figured it all out yet. Our schedule is as hectic as ever and our time with the kids is so short since the day is only 24 hours. That’s one thing I’d wish for is that a day be more like 30 hours. You figure if we sleep 6 1/2 to 7 hours, and we work 9 hours, there’d still be at least 14 hours left in the day. As it is now, we leave the house at 7 AM and get back home at 6:30PM and then the kids are in bed at 9 PM. Man that sucks. And by that time, we’re so exhausted, we’re in bed by 9:30PM.

But it’s not all that bad. Carol and I are still young. I’m still 6 months away from 26. We have a ton of time to perfect this thing called marriage. But I guess it really is never perfected. My parents have been together since 2 years before my birth and I watch them from afar and they fight over dumb things too. But they’ve lasted. I can only remember one time when they really were apart because of a fight. I think my father left the house for a week or so. And the next thing I know, they were back together. So even though Carol and I do fight, we have days ahead to look forward to. In fact, our best days are yet to come. Actually as much as I hate the idea that I will continue to get older, I actually look forward to the time we’ll spend when the kids become older and more independent. The dinners out won’t be so late and the movie nights won’t end at 1:00AM. The shopping trips won’t get cancelled and our late night television watching will actually last passed 10:30PM. That time will come, but for now, if I can only figure out how to be a better husband. Where are my cliff notes?