In what was supposed to be ?the greatest day ever? or what Eddy Zucko says was going to be the greatest day of his life, turned out to be a decent day, even a little disappointing. I was stoked and even woke up early as I had a baseball game in the morning, and then my Fantasy Football draft in the afternoon, followed by WWE?s SummerSlam, or as my wife once called it, SummerDam, in the late evening. (When we first moved in together, she called any WWF wrestling show, SummerDam based on the fact that she knew there was a wrestling show called SummerSlam, and simply got the name wrong. SummerDam was all she knew, so everything became SummerDam.) My team lost the baseball game, my Fantasy Football Draft wasn?t all that it could?ve been, and then AT&T Broadband continued their streak of awful service as I couldn?t order the SummerSlam PPV. For now eight straight months, I have ordered the PPV, had to contact technical support because it didn?t come on immediately. Usually, the technical support person would re-order the PPV and everything would be fine, and we would only miss about 20 minutes. But today, the technical support lady couldn?t figure out how to get the PPV on my TV and decided to tell me about 40 times how sorry she was to inconvenience my time. Inconvenience my time? How about inconvenience my life? I threw the old, ?well I?m going to change to a satellite dish? spiel and then hung up the phone. My friend Troy decided to take one for the team and we went over his new, but still in the process of being moved in, home. He has Dish Network, and it worked like a charm. Damn those AT&T guys! And our frowns slowly turned upside down.

We missed about 50 minutes of the show, and good ol? JR hasn?t yet told us what we missed. You can watch RAW and they recap the show every ten minutes. Order the PPV, and get in late, and they don?t show you anything. We were joined in progress (that?s what it felt like) and watched Booker T take a boot to the face from the UnAmerican Test to lose the tag team championship match with his good buddy Goldust (a freaky guy painted in gold played by Dusty Rhodes? son, Dustin) against the team of Lance Storm and Christian, called the UnAmericans. They are a Canadian team who dislike America and they get big time heat (boos) from the crowd. The anti USA team keeps their belts.

Then Nidia, who is somewhat a ?white trash? character even though she is dark skinned (she plays the character well), gives the winner of the kissing contest about 30 seconds of her tongue. She was loving it. Eddy Zucko was salivating. He loves him some Nidia. Or maybe he was salivating at the guy she was kissing? Let?s hope not.

Next is the Smackdown vs. RAW match as Chris Beniot, the Intercontinental Champion who is a RAW brand guy faces off against Rob Van Dam who is a Smackdown brand hand. Stephanie McMahon plays the owner of the Smackdown brand and Eric Bischoff who once was Vince McMahon?s biggest enemy plays the RAW brand owner. We all know that Vince really runs the show, but just for soap opera sakes, bear with me. This is the only match where a Smackdown wrestler fights a RAW wrestler (it?s usually Smackdown vs. Smackdown and vice versa) so the two owners are in the same room rooting for their guy. The match is a tough as nails contest and the camera all of a sudden switches to a shot of Stephanie rooting for Benoit. I say, ?What the hell did that do for the show? Why does she always have to show her fat ass on TV?? To which Eddy replied, ?Sexy ass, sexy ass.? I?d rather be in Chyna.

In a surprise, RVD reverses a back suplex by Benoit and then gets on the top rope and hits the Five Star Frog Splash (think of a frog jumping off the top rope) to win the match. Most people believed Benoit would go over in this match, but RVD got the duke. My friend Troy?s wife Heather and their daughter are big RVD fans. Watching 3-year old Lilly put her arms at her side with her thumbs up and point towards her head in rhythm with the letters R-V-D always makes me laugh.

The match we were hoping that we missed was next. Test, who I like to call Mr. Icle and who interfered in the Booker T match, faces off against who JR likes to call ?The American Badass? and who I like to call ?The American Jackass? the Undertaker. Since Test got over on Booker, expect him to lose to the Taker with some help from Booker. I say some help because Booker may help the Taker, but Taker will surely hit a few moves after Booker helps him as to not show himself as needing help in the match whatsoever. Test tries his hardest to be the next Kevin Nash, but he doesn?t have that cool factor that Nash once had. I say once, because Nash hasn?t had it in years. This match is painfully slow. I wish I had to go to the bathroom right now. And I wish I had the sports page that I could read from front to back. And when I come back, this match would still probably not be over. Lance Storm comes in and the Undertaker beats his ass. He beats up Test and Storm until Test gets his finisher in, ?The Kick Of Fear?, which is the same boot he used to help beat Booker T with earlier. However, Undertaker kicks out and goes on to use his old school finisher, ?The Tombstone Piledriver? to pin Test. Wait, Booker gets pinned by a move that the Undertaker kicks out on? Sometimes, it?s just not fair.

Next is one of the matches I?m looking forward to. It?s ?The Heart Break Kid? Shawn Michaels versus ?The I Hump The Bosses Daughter Kid? HHH. The background story is that Shawn was the top dog and HHH was his partner in crime, and now, 4 years later, the roles are reversed. In real life, Michaels hurt his back pretty badly and hasn?t wrestled since losing the strap to the phenomenon called Stone Cold Steve Austin in 1998. Back to the match. Shawn?s entrance received a tremendous pop. Unfreakingbelievable. I didn?t get the true Shawn entrance with the feminine dancing and everything. But if you turned to watch me, I did the dancing for him. I?m such a sexy boy. Michaels did come in with a Philippians 4:13 shirt, to which Hea Jin screamed, ?that?s my favorite bible saying?. Triple H decided to come in the ring and this time it only took him 6 minutes instead of the usual 10. Because of Michaels? bad back, we?ll probably see a bunch of punch and kicking and less of what Michaels used to give us, but it?s still better than no Michaels at all. If Triple H will bump for anyone, it?s going to be for Michaels who is one of his good real life friends. They?re doing a good job selling the fact that HHH is despicable for going after HBK?s back. HHH is getting great heat by taking the chair to Michaels? once crippled back. Shawn is bumping more than I thought. HHH takes a page out of Hulk Hogan?s book as he takes HBK?s belt and starts whipping him like a ?rented mule? as JR once said. Every time Michaels starts a comeback, HHH thwarts it making me believe Michaels will get the win. HHH drops Michaels on a sitting chair in a sick move. JR and The King are selling through their commentary that Michaels is crazy to keep fighting. Great heat for this match. The fans are eating this up. Michaels hits a ?Sweet Chin Music? super kick into a chair that HHH was holding near his face and HHH is busted wide open in a ?crimson mask?. HBK is pulling out all the stops here. Why do I think he?s been lying to us about this back of his all along? He pulled out the ladder and used HHH as a rock in a slingshot and HHH was plunged on the ladder. And then he did everything one could do to knock HHH unconscious. And HHH still kicked out of the pin attempt. Jeez. I bet if Michaels pulled a gun on HHH, he still would refuse to be pinned. HBK is insane as he went to the top rope and put HHH on a table and jumped on HHH, putting both through said table. HBK then goes up to the top of the ladder and puts an elbow into HHH?s throat, thus signaling JR to use his ?for the love of God? phrase. HBK finally gets the pin, but HHH brings the sledgehammer and starts slamming HBK?s back. JR is refusing to believe that ?the son of a bitch? as he called Triple H hit HBK with the hammer in the back. The crowd chanted HBK while he was put on the stretcher. HBK is amazing.

I just figured out that because of AT&T?s lack of service, I missed two of the matches I wanted to see in Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. and Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair. Damn. Damn. Damn. Wait a minute, here comes Trish. Ok, I forgive AT&T. Trish looks delicious. Or better yet, Trishalicious.

Finally, the main event. The Rock vs. Brock. The Brahma Bull vs. The Next Big Thing. It?s going to be hard for this match to pick up early heat because the crowd seems spent from the match before hand. The Rock always has great energy in his matches, but for some reason, it?s not vibing for me, although it still has very good crowd heat. And then Brock goes to the ?bear hug? which usually means, ?I?m tired, so let?s hug?. The crowd seems to turn on the Rock every once in a while, and they do so here as well. It doesn?t make sense to me as he?s a total face and Brock is a total heel. Maybe it shows that they?ve done a good job elevating Brock into someone the fans actually care about. Match is picking up as Rock puts Paul Heyman who is Brock?s mouthpiece through the poor Spanish announcer?s table. (Since WWE markets to Spanish speaking fans, they have Spanish announcers for the Spanish audience. But whenever anything happens as far as the announcer?s tables being wrecked, it?s always the poor Spanish announcer?s tables that go to pieces. And the poor Spanish announcers have to do their job standing up the rest of the night.) In a nice way to end the match, Rock gets ready for the infamous People?s Elbow and Brock kicks up and gets ready to hit the F5, but Rock breaks it up and goes for the Rock Bottom, but Brock breaks it up and then hits the F5 to win the match. It?s a pretty good finish because Rock is going to Hollywood anyway for another 6 months, and they established Brock as a hot champion.

I was extremely tired at the end of the night, but still checked to see that the Kurt Angle match that we missed was one of the best of the night. Oh well, stuff happens. And as I went to sleep, it was the end of the pretty goodest day.

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This was a tough week/weekend for me. First of all, I had and still have a slight case of bronchitis. But I’m not even going to talk about myself. Two of my favorite celebrities had a tough go at it. First off, the main man of all men, Jason Priestley, aka Brandon Walsh, star of one of the greatest television shows of all time, Beverly Hills 90210 (like I really had to tell you) had an accident at a car race this past weekend. Now, since this guy is the manliest of all men, he enjoys car racing as a hobby. Instead of playing Go Fish or actually fishing, in order to keep his engine running, BWalsh (which I will call him the rest of my post) needs the race cars at excess speeds. The adrenaline rush keeps his mind on life, and off leaving his bad decision of leaving 90210 before the series was up. He was racing at the Kentucky 100 in which he actually qualified for second in the race. On turn two, he hit a wall almost head on and suffered multiple injuries including a broken back, broken feet (not just one foot, but feet by God), a concussion, as well as cuts around his face and neck. When Hea Jin told me this on Sunday before my baseball game, I looked deep inside my heart and told her that he would be ok and he’d have a complete recovery. And according to ESPN’s story, doctor’s expect him to make a full recovery. What a man. A modern day John Wayne I tell ya.

I thought about a few of my favorite episodes as I prayed for him the past couple nights. What about the time when young Nicki was trying to teach him the latest dances and he decided to teach her “The Brandon Walsh” which consisted of them laying horizontal on his bed. Or what about the time when Nicki’s abusive boyfriend, played by the once thuggish David Arquette, was ready to beat young Nicki and Brando made the save and destroyed Mr. Courtney Cox. You see, BWalsh is a fighter, and not even a broken back will destroy him.

The second of my favorite celebrites to have a tough week is none other than Stone Cold Steve Austin, or who my son calls Stone Cold Steve Aust. The Texas Rattlesnake’s life of drinking and fighting finally caught up with him. A couple months ago, he decided to leave the WWF, or WWE as it’s now called. He wasn’t happy with his role within the company and took his ball and went home as that bastard Triple H so aptly put it on TV. Damn, I hate that Triple H guy. As newsworthy as that was within the wrestling circles, Stone Cold decided to take his problems mainstream and allegedly hit and slapped his wife Debra. It was all over the news and to show you how backwards a state Texas is (sorry those that live in Texas), the only footage they had of Austin was of him in his yellow Corvette with a beer in one hand and the steering wheel in another hand. It’s legal to do that in Texas? I’m never moving there. Anyway, Debra called the police, but The Ragin’ Redneck decided to high tail it out of there and since she never pressed charges, he was never arrested. Don’t think Stone Cold was a pussy or anything for not being there when the cops were there. They could’ve taken cheap shots at him for beating them up on TV every week. Oh you mean those aren’t real cops on RAW and Smackdown? Never mind then. Is the relationship mended? Have the love birds made up? Well not exactly. WWE and Austin haven’t settled their differences yet and he’s still off TV. Oh, you thought I meant Debra? I’m not sure, but I’m still not sold on her story. What if Austin was playing “quick hands” with her and she just didn’t react quickly enough? Yes, I know that you’re supposed to use a ball to play that game, but I did say Texas was backwards. Maybe Stone Cold didn’t have a ball, and decided to use fists. I’m only joking.

So why am I bringing this up even though it happened months ago? Well it appears that the district attorney’s office decided to pursue the case on their own and Austin turned himself into authorities yesterday. Debra still hasn’t pressed charges reportedly. Sheesh. Who next of my favorite people is going to do something awful or injure themselves? Michael Jordan already cheats on his wife. Michael Jackson does weird things already. Jennifer Love Hewitt, umm Jennifer Love Hewitt. Hmm, she hasn’t done anything dumb since dating Carson Daly. Let’s hope she’s not next. Not my JLo.

PS: Part two of The Adventures of Low Jones should be coming out by early September. This one’s going to be titled, Never Trust A Big Butt And A Smile.

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Low Jones is a creation of not just myself, but my friend Blake. I became interested in writing some form of ongoing fiction just to stay creative and keep my mind working. We came up with Low Jones. Low Jones is the story of how a teenager who is not one of the popular kids in school wants to change. His transition to Low Jones is hopefully funny for you guys to read. It’s funny for me to write, but hey, I like my writing. HA! I expect Low Jones to be ready by Monday, August 5th, and at that time, I’ll post the link to the first chapter in what should be a Low Jones saga.

So I say, Get Ready.

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