People ask me about my faith in a higher being; about my feelings on religion. I’ve never been one to simply think the bible houses the words of truth like my father. I’ve never gone to church to confess my sins like my friends. I’ve simply never been completely interested in religion as a need for fulfillment. Many people in my opinion believe because of fear. I can’t do that. I need to believe because I believe. However, I do pray towards God. But where is God? In the clouds? Up above? Not completely sure. But I think he’s in my heart. However, it’s so hard for me to idealize with something that I can’t see, can’t feel, and can’t touch. I know my mother is there because I can see her, talk to her, hug her. But I don’t know if I believe everything the bible says. I’m simply stubborn like that. In college when we started reading the works, a person asked me if I thought the bible was fact or fiction. Obviously this person believed it was fiction because of the way she asked me the question. Up until then, I never thought it to be fiction. And when I started to question the bible’s validity, I lost complete faith that it was the truth.

But after all that, I still fear. I wouldn’t think people who don’t believe in God are fearful. I am. My fear lies with my own mortality. Every night before I sleep, I simply ask God for another day that was better than today. I simply want to see tomorrow. I want to watch my boys grow up. I want to see the day when Carol and I can pay off our house. I want to be coaching both Brian and JJ in high school when they’re playing baseball. I want to see them turn into men. If I can ask God for that, then he has completed my journey. At that time, my faith will be complete. I will believe. When I can see both my sons turn into the great men that I have trained them to be, my life will have been complete. Everything else will be the cherry on top of the ice cream. The time I can spend with my wife, after our jobs of turning our little boys into men, will be the happiest days of our lives. And every night, when I ask God for tomorrow, and the next morning when he grants me my wish, I give him thanks, wherever he is.

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