Mar 30 2003
Wrestlemania XIX Party
We’re live and it’s 4:48PM. Twelve minutes until the show and the Blake burgers are cooking. Wrestlemania brings back fond memories. I remember watching my first Wrestlemania on tape almost a year after it originally happened. My first real Wrestlemania memory was the Saturday Night Main Event that set up the main event for Wrestlemania 2. It was Hulk Hogan wrestling Don “Magnificent” Murraco for the title. Late in the match, King Kong Bundy jumped Hogan and put him in the “hospital”. Hey, in 1986, I bought it. And though I didn’t get to see Wrestlemania 2 live (it was the first Mania shown live on PPV), my friend let me borrow it that weekend. I was hooked. Hogan beat Bundy in the steel cage and I was a happy kid. Fast forward to now. Hulk is still around 17 years later. And I’m still hooked. But tonight, we’re here to party as hard as wrestling fans watching television with no alcohol can party.
The show is starting, my cable company didn’t screw up the ordering on the show like usual. Actually, it’s no longer AT&T Cable, it’s Comcast and that my friends, may be a good thing. Singing “America The Beautiful” is Ashanti. They have had great singers at Wrestlemania. Aretha Franklin. Gladys Knight. Ray Charles. Ashanti did not do them justice. Her singing was not very soulful.
The cast:
Me- Me
Eddy (Edson)- My pal, my bud, the Godfather of both my boys, enough said
Tawni- My sis, the caretaker during the day of my boys (with mom’s help)
Blake- The creator of Blake burgers
Hea Jin- My folly
Randy- My folly’s boyfriend
Jim- The dude
Jan- The dude’s girlfriend (she didn’t pick the matches, but she was into them)
As MC Hammer used to say, “Let’s Get It Started”. First match is Matt Hardy vs. Rey Mysterio. The predictions for the match are:
Jim- Matt Hardy
Blake- Rey
Tawni- Matt Hardy
Eddy- Rey
Randy- Matt Hardy
HJ- Rey
Me- Matt Hardy
Blake just let us know that the Blake burgers are done. Man, why can’t the Blake burgers be done during the Undertaker match? Matt Hardy simply looks much bigger than Rey. Five years ago, that wouldn’t have been as true. As Rey was going for the 619, Shannon Moore, an MFer (Mattitude Follower) pulled his legs and Matt followed it with his finisher. Rey kicked out to the chagrin of Michael Cole who said the match was “done”. Rey hits the 619, and then went for a victory roll, but Hardy stopped it, grabbed the ropes and pinned Mysterio. Really good opener but it needed at least 5 more minutes.
Limp Bizkit is performing next. Ooh, Blake burger time. This is almost as good as an Undertaker match as far as breaks are concerned. Actually Limp Bizkit’s performance of “Rollin” was simply the entrance music for the Undertaker. Does that mean they’ll be back? Looks like this will be a handicapped match as Nunzio, Show and Albert took out Nathan Jones before the show started. Taker takes on Big Show and Albert. Looks like Jones will be involved in the finish. Predictions:
Jim- Taker
Blake- Taker
Tawni- Taker
Eddy- Big Show and Albert
Randy- Taker
HJ- Taker
Me- Taker
Taker looks energized. However that doesn’t mean that Taker’s energy rubs off on Big Show and Albert. I’ll take that back, for a big guy, Albert can work. But I don’t think anyone can energize show, except for maybe his hot wife. Jones comes in late in the match and gives Albert the big boot before Taker gives him the old school “Tombstone Piledriver” for the victory. I guess they didn’t want Jones to screw up on the biggest stage in the business.
Next is the women’s match. Trish comes out and she looks Trishalicious. Jazz comes out. She looks Jazzalicious? Maybe not. Victoria comes out. Trish still looks Trishalicious. Predictions:
Jim- Trish
Blake- Trish
Tawni- Jazz
Eddy- Jazz
Randy- Jazz
HJ- Trish
Me- Victoria
Jazz and Victoria give Trish a double shoulder breaker. Trish looks dead. You shouldn’t do that to pretty girls. Why am I more interested in this match, than the last? One reason, er two reasons. Jim just said that he didn’t want to jinx it, but as far as “chick” matches go, this one isn’t bad. I second that. Trish just chopped Victoria on her boobs. Match is slowing down as the girls are getting tired. They should’ve gone for the finish about two or three minutes ago and it would’ve been really good. Trish rolled up Victoria and pulled her pants down a bit and we got butt cleavage. Trish gets out of Victoria’s finisher and hits a kick to pin Victoria to win the belt.
Rock is wearing his “Hit It Strong, Hit It Fast” shirt. The same one I wore today for my baseball game. Me and Rock, we hit it strong and we hit it fast. He calls Wrestlemania the “holy grail” and puts over Mania as the biggest night of his life. Rock says he simply has to beat Austin tonight, because all people remember is Act 3.
Los Guerreros vs. Chris Benoit and Rhyno vs. Team Angle. Predictions:
Jim- Los Guerreros
Blake- Los Guerreros
Tawni- Team Angle
Eddy- Team Angle
Randy- Los Guerreros
HJ- Team Angle
Me- Team Angle
Edson just shook his head in disbelief as he’s trying to break his 0-3 start and Hea Jin just chose Team Angle to win just as he did. He said he’s thinks he’ll go 0-4 now. Edson just told me a story about Rhyno. When the wrestlers were in the bay area just last week, a bunch of them went to Gold’s Gym to work out. Supposedly the wrestlers usually have a hook up with Gold’s but one of the bosses said that they don’t have a deal with WWE anymore. So he didn’t let them in free and basically made them buy a pass for 15 bucks. Eddy said most of the wrestlers were cool with it, expcet Rhyno who he calls “Cheapo Rhyno” now. Back to the match. Benoit just hit a wicked superplex on Eddy Guerrero. The match is really good so far. Rhyno goes for a Gore on Chavo and hits it but Eddy pulls Rhyno out of the ring, allowing Shelton Bejamin to get the pin on Chavo. Team Angle with the win. And Hea Jin and Edson hug.
They are doing a thing with the Miller Lite girls and Torrie and Stacy. Basically both sets of girls simply can’t agree on anything. Looks like there may be a match. This won’t be a Shawn Michaels vs. Mankind classic. Speaking of Michaels, HBK vs. Jericho is next.
This match is the one I’m looking forward to most. The Ayatolla of Rock and Rolla vs. The Heartbreak Kid. The Highlight of the Night vs. the Showstopper. My favorite vs. Randy’s favorite. Me vs. Randy. I’m going with me. Predictions:
Jim- Y2J
Blake- Y2J
Tawni- Y2J
Eddy- HBK
Randy- HBK
HJ- HBK
Me- Y2J
I really think HBK needs to do the job here for Jericho. HBK wrestles only a few times a year, but Jericho is a main eventer on Raw. He needs to go over. It needs to happen. It SO needs to happen. If it doesn’t, I might as well eat another Blake burger. Jericho flips off HBK right as the camera pans to him. This is the longest entrance ever. But I bet Triple H’s doubles it. We have a great match going here and Eddy asks, “Where’s Sting? When’s he coming in?” Who gives a flip about damn Sting? Not me. Especially when this match is going on. Not to say that this match is a classic, but it’s pretty darn good. HBK “skins the cat” as JR says after being thrown over the top rope and grabs Jericho’s head with his feet and pulls him over the top rope. But Jericho puts the “Walls” on HBK outside the ring and gets back in the ring before the count reaches ten. The match is so good, I can’t write. Hea Jin just left with my wife to Target. I guess they can’t party as hard as we can. They keep hitting finishers on each other and they keep kicking out. HBK wins with a roll up. The wrong guy got his hand raised as far as making business sense. However, Jericho loses nothing as he kept up with HBK step for step. HBK goes to shake his hand, but instead Jericho gives him a hug. What a guy. But then he kicks him in the nuts. What a guy. What a match. What a guy. Another Blake burger for me.
They do a promo for the arrival of Goldberg. About two years too late on that one. They promote his appearance at the Backlash PPV. He better show up at Raw tomorrow night.
Limp Bizkit is back. Time for more food. Where’s John Cena when we need him?
The Coach is out and says that we’re getting ready to see a Wrestlemania Catfight. The Miller Lite girls come out. They go to sit on a bed near the front stage. Here comes Stacy. She joins the two girls. Lesbian menage trois. Here comes Torrie. Lesbian menage four? Torrie gets Stacy’s shirt and pants off and starts spanking her. They depants Coach and he’s wearing tidy whities. At least we didn’t have to see skid marks this time. They pin Coach. Thank God no outlines of testicles were shown or else I would’ve gone and had another Blake burger. Next match is for the World title. Triple H vs. Booker T. Predictions:
Jim- HHH
Blake- Booker
Tawni- Booker
Eddy- Booker
Randy- Booker
HJ- disqualified
Me- Booker
Triple H is wearing the old Nature Boy purple tights. Maybe a little shade darker. The match is much slower than what the crowd is used to as far as workrate tonight. Triple H looks to have lost some of his body mass. But he’s still working borringly slow. HHH has been working Booker’s legs the entire night. JR says that Booker’s legs are so hurt that he can’t go for the pinfall. And then Booker hits the Scissors Kick. So much for sore legs. Booker brings out the Harlem Hangover and almost kills HHH. Best part of the match thus far. Then HHH who is supposed to be dead, reaches deep down and hits the Pedigree and gets the win. HHH is going to take heat from die hard wrestling fans for not putting over Booker. Average match, bad finish. The second let down of the show thus far.
Hogan vs. McMahon is next. Let’s hope this is short, but Dave Meltzer says it’s going 25 minutes. And Dave Meltzer is never wrong. Predictions:
Jim- Hogan
Blake- Hogan
Tawni- Hogan
Eddy- McMahon
Randy- Hogan
HJ- disqualified
Me- Hogan
I can see Hogan losing, having to retire and coming back for SummerSlam to pop a buy rate. But then again, I don’t think Hogan loses at Wrestlemania. Vince is usually good for losing for the right reasons when he’s in a match. The match has thus far been a chairshot fest and both guys are bleeding. Funny spot had Hogan swing the chair at Vince, but Vince moved and Hogan hit one of the Spanish announcers. Vince pulls out a ladder. Jeez. He jumps off the top of the ladder and hits a leg drop through the announcers’ table. Jeez again. Oh my. Roddy Piper. I would’ve never thought. Both Hogan and McMahon are down and Piper has a pipe. He pretends to hit McMahon, but hits Hogan. Piper has a gut. But still, he’s Piper. Hogan kicks out. Hogan has the crowd in the middle of his hand. And even at that, this match is awful. But what it has that HHH and Booker didn’t have, is the crowd going crazy. Just as Edson says we haven’t seen the Hulkamania shake, we get the Hulkamania shake. Hogan hits the boot and is ready for the leg drop. He hits the leg drop three times and wins the match. Hulkamania is immortal! Hulkamania rules the world! Ok, I’m done being 10 years old again. Austin vs. Rock is next. Lesnar vs. Angle is on last. That’s a great move.
I have a spot in my heart for Rock and Austin. So I’m going to enjoy this match. I think they’re going to try hard to kick some ass, but I’m worried about Austin. He doesn’t seem to be the same. He seems bored, apathetic, hurt, and everything else that he wasn’t before he came back. We’ll see here. Predictions:
Jim- Austin
Blake- Austin
Tawni- Rock
Eddy- Rock
Randy- Austin
HJ- disqualified
Me- Rock
Thus far, the fans seem spent. The match they’re working looks like there will be a big finish. They’re working very methodically. Rock puts on Austin’s vest for kicks. Austin hits the Rock Bottom for a two count. Then Rock hits the Stunner for a two count. Austin hits a Stunner and Rock sells it like he was shot dead. However, he kicks out at two. Rock hits the People’s Elbow for two. This match is very reminiscent of their Wrestlemania XVII match. He gets a Rock Bottom for two. JR is trying to sell that Austin is a warrior. Rock gets another Rock Bottom and Austin kicks out again. Rock is beside himself. He simply can’t put the Ragin’ Redneck away. Another Rock Bottom and the Rock wins. It took three to put Austin away, but he did. Lesnar vs. Angle is next. Jim, Tawni, and I all have five wins. Randy has four, Blake has two, Edson has two, and HJ was disqualified. Winner gets the new Kurt Angle Unleashed wrestling figure, but my son has probably already opened it and started playing with it. Predictions:
Jim- Brock
Blake- Brock
Tawni- Brock
Eddy- Kurt
Randy- Brock
HJ- disqualified
Me- Brock
Kurt goes into the ring needing surgery to fuse two vertebrae in his neck. He wanted to finish the match at Wrestlemania not only because it’s a huge payday, but because it could be his last match, not only for a while, but forever. If he hurts his neck further in this match, he could need one or two more fused and that would end his career. Kurt’s a crazy dude. Lesnar isn’t one to work soft. Just don’t get dropped on your head buddy. The match has started off fast and the crowd is into it after a long night. Angle takes a crazy press slam. Angle does a cool spot where he back suplexes Brock into the turnbuckle. It’s kind of hard to enjoy this match knowing that Angle is hurt, but it’s so far pretty good. Angle did the three German Suplexes spot. In a great spot, Brock had Angle in the F-5 and Angle turned it into the Ankle Lock. And yes, HJ is still disqualified. Angle hits the Angle Slam but Lesnar kicks out. Lesnar hits the F-5 on Angle but Angle kicks out at the last second. Great late action in the match. Brock goes for another F-5 but Angle small packages him for a two. Lesnar hits another F-5 and it has to be done. Brock goes to the top rope and goes for the Shooting Star Press, but missed horribly and fell on his head. It was supposed to be the finish and he hit the F-5 again for the win. Brock looks like he’s hurting pretty badly. Angle gives Lesnar a hug and the show has ended.
Excellent Wrestlemania and we partied as hard as we could. Kurt Angle is a man.
