This is it man! It’s time to declare a winner. Oh jeez. This is a two hour show. What in the blue hell are they going to do for two hours? This could be the highest rated 15 minute segment of all time. Just show the contestants, then show the winner, and let the winner sing and be done with it. I guess the only way I’d want to sit through this is if I can see Corey Clark sing again, but I’m guessing that won’t happen. They didn’t even let him tour. They didn’t even let him on the American Idol Season 2 CD. Just let a brother sing again.

They waste time going through all the horrible singers we’ve already seen before, but in a twist, they show all the horrible singers country wide. I guess there are International Idol shows. They may have been bad, but there were way more horrible singers in the US. Waste of a segment.

Blake update. I guess he was upset at me last night for saying that he DID NOT create the sign that said, “I’m lubin’ for Ruben.” I guess he thought that just by associating comments such as that with him, it makes it seem like he really says them. I plead the fifth dimension. I won’t say if Blake has said that before or not. But he did say that Ruben gave him, “100% Studdardsfaction”. I’ll just let that be.

Since the show is awful thus far, I want to give big ups to Ryan Seacrest. At first I thought he was way too fruity and simply corny. But after watching him for an entire season, I’m impressed. The guy is only something like 26 years old and he rarely missteps. He’s so comfortable on stage and with that microphone in his hand. I think that I could do something like that if I followed my career path, but there’s no way that I’d be as good as him. Ok, I’m done praising Seacrest. I’m guessing that’s a surprise to you all that I like Ryan, but I have to admit, I think he did a great job this season.

Honestly, this show is so bad thus far, that if it wasn’t the finale, I’d have changed the channel. They’re having some of the more infamous singers from this year sing an Elmo song. Just horrible television.

Ryan says the vote was extremely close. He says the winner had 50.28% of the vote and only just over 13,000 votes separated the two.

Sugar Ray Leonard comes on to host a “Tale of the Tape” between Big Ruben and Shakin’ Clay Aiken. Sugar Ray says Ruben outweights Clay by “a lot” to 145 pounds. Kelly Clarkson follows the former champ in a song called One Voice joined by Ruben and Clay. And now the rest of the American Idol contestants from this year come out. Even smiling Chuck Grigsby is there. Where’s Vanessa Olivarez? And obviously, no Corey Clark. The song was ok. Nothing special. Kelly overshadowed both Rube and Clay. Isn’t this their night? Didn’t she already have her night last year? Glory hog.

Kelly Clarkson comes out again. This time, she’s hiding her belly a little better. She’s back to sing Miss Independant which she already performed with dancers weeks ago. She doesn’t have the same energy as last time, but it’s ok for Glory Hog Clarkson. This is Ruben and Clay’s night right? Out comes Clive Davis. I wonder who Clive likes. Actually, Ruben fits J Records better than Clay does. Clive says that no matter who wins, he’s already recorded material with Ruben and Clay. So why are we voting tonight if both guys are already going to be recording material with Clive’s label? Kind of ruins the moment. Clive then has Rube and Clay bring out Kelly’s platinum album after selling 1.3 million records. I kind of wonder about that number because she opened at just under 300,000 units and the albums only been out for 5 weeks. It didn’t sell at that pace the entire time.

Simon and Paula do a soap opera scene where they’re about to kiss and then Simon wakes up, in Randy’s bed. Uh, ok. Whatever that meant. Simon wants Paula in his dreams, but in reality is attracted to Randy?

Finally, they go back to the regular format. The judges are out. And they all look spiffy. Simon isn’t wearing a black t-shirt. They show much of the guest hosts from the past season. Olivia Newton John is in the audience as well as Verdine White and Gladys Knight. Where is Lionel Ritchie? Lionel was the most outrageous guest host of the year. The Idolists (those who lost) start to sing. Hey, Vanessa Olivarez is there. I can’t wait for Corey to make his grand appearance. I can feel it. Kelly Rowland is there from Destiny’s Child. No wait, that’s Trenyce. Smokey Robinson comes on. Where’s lil’ Smokey at? Corey sounds like a young Smoke dog. Damn! They have Ruben sing Tears Of A Clown so I guess no Corey tonight. Kimberly Locke sings Midnight Train To Georgia. I figured out who was missing other than Corey. It’s Josh. Where is Josh? The girls (Carmen, Kimberly Clarke and Julia) sing the worst rendition of Olivia Newton John’s Physical I’ve ever heard in my life. And that’s even counting Blake’s version straight up with the exercises out of the video. At least he wasn’t wearing leotards and leg warmers. I couldn’t even tell what the song was until the hook. The wife is baggin’ on Carmen again. Leave young Carmen alone. Charlie Grigsby looks like he’s having a lot of fun. Clay sings Hello by Lionel Ritchie. It wasn’t all that outrageous, but at least they didn’t forget about Lionel. When did El Debarge guest host? The group sing Rhythm Of The Night to end the singing part of the show. El Debarge would’ve been a great guest host.

I guess the singing portion isn’t over. The Idols sing their songs from the American Idol Season 2 album. Rube sings Superstar. Kim Locke sings Over The Rainbow. Didn’t Tamyra Gray just sing this song a couple weeks ago? Clay is next with On The Wings Of Love. Where’s Josh’s Three Times A Lady or Corey’s Open Arms? Those are the two best songs on the CD. I’d even take a Kimberly Clark Killing Me Softly. But to no avail. It was only Clay, Kim L. and Big Rube.

Big Rube is on the stage again. He’s all dressed up in a pinstriped tuxedo. He sings Flying Without Wings which is his best song from last night, but sans the church choir. Whoops, I spoke too soon. They just appeared almost like magic. It’s a very nice song. But this is overkill. I just watched this last night. This is the worst show of the year. Just show me who wins. That’s all I’m asking for. Clay is next with Bridge Over Troubled Water. This is deja vu all over again like Yogi Berra said. Please go to commercial.

Hopefully in the last performance of the night, Clay and Ruben sing Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now with cheesy dance moves and all. Clay and Ruben face each other while singing and run towards each other to go for the dreaded belly bump. Clay what are you doing? You’re going to die from the belly bump. Ruben’s belly over takes Clay and Clay drops like a sack of potatoes. Ok, maybe that didn’t happen, but I was so board that my mind was wandering.

Finally, Ryan goes over the songs from last night and the judges commentary. Ryan throws it to the judges. Randall Jackson says he’s proud of both of them. Paula says that life is an audition and the world is looking at them with different eyes. She said to remember that no kid ever grew up wanting to be a critic. Simon says that he didn’t understand a word Paula said. Simon says that no matter what happens, both guys will have albums out on the same day, making this competition sort of anticlimatic. We watched this for 12 weeks and both guys actually win. That kind of sucks.

Ryan says that the new heavyweight champion of the world…... ok wait, this isn’t wrestling. He says that Ruben Studdard wins the competition. He won by 13,000 votes. He would’ve only won by 12,999 votes if I hadn’t voted last night. Ruben is your American Idol. And for the third time in two nights, we get to hear Ruben sing Flying Without Wings. I was hoping for Whole New World, but I guess they are going to pump this new single for all it’s worth.

It’s time for me to say goodbye. No more Idol until January 2004. Thanks for reading. Even though I was writing for myself, knowing that people read my sillyness and even enjoyed some of it makes me happy. And thank you to Blake, for making all those signs.

We knew it was going to happen. If I had to put money on it, I’d have said it would be Ruben vs. Clay in the final twosome. This is for all the money. While whoever finishes in second place is going to most likely get a record contract down the line, the winner will get a million dollar recording contract, a single to be relased in two weeks, and an album scheduled for release in only a few months. Second may not be bad, but first is definitely best.

Enough shuckin’ and jivin’; I want you to stick and move.

That quote was from Apollo Creed’s trainer and mentor, Tony from the original Rocky movie. And that quote is very analogous to tonight. No time for shuckin’ and jivin’. It’s all serious tonight. Just stick and move.

The Hot List

1. Big Rube Studdard – I’ve had him in this spot all year long. No reason to change that. Great job all season big homie.
2. Clay Aiken – He’s probably a slight favorite, but not here. Excellent job, but not enough for me, little homie.

The Defeated

Kimberly Locke
Josh Gracin
Trenyce
Carmen Rasmusen
Kimberly Caldwell
Ricky Smith
Corey Clark (free Corey Clark)
Julia DeMatto
Charles Grigsby
Vanessa Olivarez

My Thoughts

No new sign from Blake this week. He was too busy playing naked, hairy Twister with Hea Jin, Randall and the Makamatsu’s this weekend.

Who is going to win? Ruben or Clay? I’ll go with what I said a couple weeks ago. I’ll say Clay wins in a close call. But I’m a Big Rube guy. Blake does have a sign if Ruben wins and no, it’s not “I’m lubin’ for Ruben” so take your dirty minds out of the gutter.

Randy Jackson has a black fisherman’s hat on. Not that he’s an African American fisherman. But the hat is black. Reminds of a story when I was listening to sports radio talk show host Jim Rome. He asked Joe Montana if there were too many black eyes in the NFL, meaning too many negative things happening in the league. The way Rome said it where he said black and eyes almost with no pause, made it sound like he asked if there were too many black guys in the NFL. Montana was thrown for a loop until Rome figured out why Montana was uncomfortable. I guess the moral is that words can come across awkward. Whatever, I just wanted to tell that Rome story and figured I needed to find a way to relate it to American Idol. Rube is on first.

Rube starts with the hearty A House Is Not A Home. His detractors will say that he’s cruisin’, singing in a style which suits him and doesn’t take chances. And this doesn’t differ from that, but still, you can stay within your comfort zone, and when you are as consistent as Ruben, you can get away with it. Randy and Paula really liked it while Simon said it was good, but not his best. And of course, he was booed.

Big Game James, James Worthy is in the audience tonight. He said Ruben moves him. I wonder if Kareem Abdul-Jabbar did the same for him. Clay is next. (Duh, who else is going to sing next?) They show Clay in his audition where he wore the glasses and the funky hair style. Blake likes him better with the “nerdy” look. Clay is singing an original song called This Is The Night. He’s wearing a suit. Brother, you need to take the hanger out of your jacket before you put it on. Just kidding. He looks pretty suave. And I’m diggin’ the song. It’s a pretty uplifting song. If they put this out on a single, out of gratitude for my American Idol buddies (hey, I had something to do every Tuesday night writing this dumb journal), I’d buy it. And I wouldn’t even play it secretly. I’d play it in front of my most manliest buddies, and while I may be holding a teddy bear, I’ll be singing along right with Clay. Awesome job. Let’s see what the judges say. Randall Jackson says he hated the single, but Clay blew his brains out singing it. Paula says he found the matrix of the song. I wonder what movie Paula saw this weekend. Simon says American Idol has made Clay handsome. Simon says the song was American Idol The Musical and didn’t like it.

Rube is next, singing Imagine, the John Lennon song. Remember how I talked about taking chances? This is a chance and a half. The wife just asked if John Lennon was playing the guitar. Uh babe, yah, and that’s Yoko Ono playing the violin. I’m unsure about how I like it, but the song is very nice. Let’s see what the judges think. Randolph Jackson says it was great while Paula says we don’t have to Imagine, because Ruben has already made it. That Paula, always trying to be witty and clever. And Simon says it was risky, but he pulled it off.

Clay is next with another Beatle’s song, Paul McCartney’s Here, There, and Everywhere. As long as it’s not the duet with Michael Jackson from the Thriller album, The Girl Is Mine. That song almost ruined the Thriller album. And it was even the first single. What was Quincy Jones thinking? Anyway, back to Clay. He performs a “nice” rendition of the song. Randy? Randy says it was safe, but Clay is still the bomb. Paula says it was haunting and vulnerable, yet beautiful. Simon says it was very “pretty” but he wasn’t blown away.

By the way, I’ll be back here tomorrow night. I’ve never posted on the Wednesday show, but since it’s the final, I will do so. Rube’s next with Fly Without Wings. The wife is happy that this song is a little more upbeat. That’s what’s tough about having these two in the finals. Both like to showcase their voices singing ballads. So unless Clay pulls out that awful red leather jacket to perform Grease again, I’m guessing his final song is going to be a ballad too. Ruben’s last song is very good. It’s a little cheesy as far as the lyrics go, but he has a choir backing him. Makes me want to go to church. Will this performance win it for him? Not sure. It’s very uplifting again, as Clay’s first song was. We’ll see if America likes gospel pop songs. Randall and Paula give Rube a standing ovation. Simon says it was fantastic and Ruben saved the best for last. The ball is now in Clay’s court. Let’s see if he goes to the hole. Stick and move.

Clay is singing Simon and Garfunkel’s Bridge Over Troubled Waters. He has the same choir backing him. He might be wearing the same “nerdy” Clay shirt, but doesn’t have the glasses or the funky hair. So I think he’s ok. The only time I’ve ever heard this song was a version by Elvis Presley. That might be bad for my ears because not too many singers can stand up to Elvis in my eyes or ears. Actually, he’s singing his ass off. The guy has pipes, and using music lingo and not porn lingo, he can blow. Randy and Paula give Clay the standing ovation. Paula says she had chills and it was his personal best. Simon’s being honest again. That only spells trouble. Simon says that Clay has been a little off tonight but he thinks it could win him the competition. His reaction to Simon’s comments will make me vote for Ruben 25 times. He fluttered his eye lashes, closed his eyes like he was going to kiss someone, and let out a breath of air. And then, as he’s always done, when Ryan told the audience what Clay’s phone number was, he looked like a puppy dog and put up his two fingers since he is number two tonight. The wife said he was going to do that. And he did it. And it annoyed me. I won’t be mad if the guy wins, but he definitely annoys me with his quirks more so than anyone else I can think of on this show. Yes, even more so than Charlie Grigsby’s surprised eyes when the crowd liked him. Yes, even more so than Ricky Smith’s “I love you America”. Yes, even more so than Kimberly Clarke’s weird wrinkle in her forehead when she smiled. Yes, even more so than Trenyce’s flashed gums when she smiled. Wait, actually I liked her sexy gums. Scratch that. But you get my point.

The show ends with Paul Anka singing a new version of My Way straight with American Idol specific lyrics. Pretty funny. I think Paul Anka would’ve come in third place tonight. Good night everyone. Just to let you know, if I can get in, I’m voting for Big Rube Studdard and I’ll be representing the 205.

Tonight is an exciting night. It’s possibly one of the greatest nights to be a wrestling fan. Tonight’s Judgement Day PPV is most likely going to be the best wrestling night of the year. It might be the best wrestling night ever. There are three main events that will have a chance to be five star matches. Triple H is trying to cement his legacy as the greatest and most deserving WWF/WWE champion ever. He faces one of the greatest working big man in Kevin Nash. Kevin Nash makes Big Van Vader look like Uncle Elmer. Brock Lesnar faces The Big Show in a match that has a chance to be one of the better mat efforts in a long time. And Mr. America faces off against Rowdy Roddy Piper. I’ll just say one thing. Mr. America is not Hulk Hogan. To me, it looks like Brutus Beefcake doing the Hogan gimmick. Beefcake and Piper could be the show stealer of the night.

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler open up the show and then throw it to Michael Cole and Tazz. I really like Michael Cole. He could be the next Gordon Solie. Stone Cold Steve Austin comes out to open the show. Austin looks great. He’s such a handsome man. Blake just said that if he was gay, he would want to be gay with a man as handsome as Stone Cold. Austin goes into the crowd to sit with the people in his “Redneck Heaven” skybox. By the way, Randolph and Hea Jin aren’t here because they are playing naked twister with their Japanese neighbors. HJ and Randolph are freaky like that.

John Cena comes out and throws down a rap calling he and the FBI, the new “John Gottis”. It’s Cena, Stamboli, and Palumbo against Spanky, Rhyno, and Chris Benoit. This match is not going to be a cluster. Spanky has some of the best tights I’ve ever seen on a wrestler. They are emerald green and baggy like basketball shorts. Palumbo is one of the rising stars. Remember his feud against Lex Luger? Lex really put him over and made him a superstar in that feud. Benoit takes control of the match with some unimpressive suplexes. The FBI hit their finisher on Spanky and they get the duke. Those FBI guys could be the future Smackdown tag team champs.

Austin and Bischoff are shown in the “Redneck Heaven” skybox in Charlotte. Austin gives Bischoff a beer in a glass and he slaps his beer can against Bischoff’s cup, thus spilling Bischoff’s beer in the process.

We had the future Smackdown tag team champs in the FBI and now we have the future Raw tag champs in La Resistance. Scott Steiner the ring general, and Mr. Icle, Test are facing the fine young tag team. Stacy Keibler looks a little fat. Scott Steiner looks like one of the few natural buff guys. I doubt he’s ever used any steroids in his life. Test is a true ring general. He may be the next Ric Flair, just a little bigger, and with slightly more charisma. La Resistance gets the win by using their double flap jack manuever on Steiner. Very impressive match. After the match, Keibler tries to help out Steiner, but Test takes her away. Are we rewatching Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth? Kind of bad timing to do this angle if you ask me .

Mr. America Brutus Beefcake does a promo with Gregory Helms, ace reporter. I can’t make out who Helms is, but he kind of looks like Jamie Noble in a suit. Helms tells America that he’s not Hulk Hogan and Beefcake tells Helms that he’s not the Hurricane. What’s up with that?

Eddy Guerrero’s partner for the ladder match is none other than his Hispanic brother, Tajiri. Team Angle is already in the ring while they attack Tajiri and Eddy. This might be the worst match of them all tonight. Ladders are overrated. Actually, the Hardy’s, Edge and Christian, and the Dudleys’ TLC matches were both overrated. Who likes people flying off ladders and into tables? Pretty boring if you ask me. I’d rather see a bear hug spot. The match is just ok thus far. Tajiri and Eddy are way out of their league with Team Angle. Team Angle may be the best team I’ve ever seen. A couple of boring, dangerous spots are getting the crowd excited, but if it was me, I’d rather see Triple H work on a knee than Eddy do a frog splash off a ladder. Guerrero does a sunset flip powerbomb off the top of the ladder that the crowd seemed to like somewhat. While Eddy tries to go up top, Shelton Benjamin tries to pull him down and Tajiri comes up the other side to spit the green mist at Benjamin allowing Guerrero to grab the belts and win the match. Pretty unoriginal spot if you ask me. Just a bad match. Worst match thus far.

Austin tries to teach Bischoff how to drink a beer. I guess that was kind of funny.

Jericho and Piper meet backstage. They argue about who is more of an ass clown. Blake says he wants the shirt that Jericho is wearing that says, “Don’t be an ass clown.” But then again, if Blake was wearing the shirt and looking in the mirror, isn’t he telling himself not to be one? Actually, I don’t think so because it would say, “t’noD eb na ssa nwolc.” And Blake doesn’t speak Huttese.

Next is the Intercontinental Title Battle Royal. Pat Patterson will be giving the belt to the winner as he was the first IC champion ever, winning a ficticious tournament held in Rio De Janiero and then probably put him in the go behind. Out first is Val Venis, I guess not doing the Sean Morely gimmick anymore. Actually, when you use your real name, is it a gimmick? I actually read an interview with Sean Morely about him saying basically that Val Venis is a dead character and he wanted to get away from it. I guess he doesn’t have much pull does he? Jericho and Goldust come out next. Lance Storm and RVD enter. Christian, Test, and Booker T finish out the contestants. I wonder if they can write that Booker T won the second Rio De Janiero tournament as he’s the only guy not in the tournament to actually have won the belt. The battle royal is simply my favorite match of all time. Who can forget the time when Refrigerator Perry took Big John Studd out of the Wrestlemania 2 battle royal? That was the best match of that monumental night. Lance Storm’s ring entrance was longer than his time in the ring as he was eliminated first. Then went Kane. Then went Test. Then went Val Venis. Then went RVD. All in a matter of 1 minute. That’s what I call great booking. If they’re not going to win the match, why should they be in long? Booker just throws out Goldust after Goldust tried to throw him out from behind. Goldust just smiled. Two bad guys vs. one good guy. The bad guys always win this one. As Jericho went for the Lionsault on Booker T, Chrstian threw him out. Not fair to Jericho. Christian deserves to die. Booker sidekicks Christian out of the ring to win the match. Christian takes the belt away from Pat Patterson and goes back into the ring to sucker punch Booker. Actually, Booker didn’t win. In the spot before Christian went over the top rope, he accidently drop kicked the ref in the face. So the ref didn’t actually see Booker win. Then Christian dumped Booker out of the ring right when the ref came to. Christian is your winner. I love screw jobs. They should have a PPV where every finish ends in a ref bump and screw job finish. The fans wouldn’t know what to think of the end of the match and it would keep them guessing.

Sable and Torrie Wilson talk in the back. Sable says Torrie is a bikini challenge loser. Sable then uses Torrie’s oil to oil her now very brown legs. Maybe she goes to the same tanning booth as Booker T. Lilian Garcia comes out with Torrie since she sings her entrance music. I think they need to put Lilian in a bikini and make it a three way. Hea Jin and Randall would want to play naked twister with Lilian if she was only Japanese. Blake just said that everybody is a winner watching this match. I guess everyone except Pat Patterson. Sable goes first. She’s wearing a bikini bottom that almost shows everything. Let’s just say that she must be shaved. And you can pretty much see her entire ass. Torrie’s bikini is actually less appealing than Sable’s. I picked Sable, Eddy picked Torrie, and Blake picked Pat Patterson. Torrie takes off her bikini to show a smaller bikini. Even though her butt is a little flat, she wins this hands down. She then kissed Sable on the lips while rubbing her breasts against Sable’s. Blake said he liked it, but would’ve rather seen Pat Patterson in the Sable role. That Blake. He should be playing naked twister with Randall, Hea Jin, and the Makamatsu’s. Naked, hairy twister.

Stone Cold and Bischoff entertain again.

Piper and O’Haire are in the back as McMahon tries to get Piper psyched for his match against Brutus Beefcake, aka Mr. America. This match might be the Observer match of the year. This one, or Steiner vs. HHH at Royal Rumble. Piper just took his shirt off, and he looks in great shape. Mr. America brings out Tenacious Z who is the one-legged wrestler. So far, Beefcake and Piper are wrestling mat classic. Piper puts on a sleeper hold, which is a great transitional move. It’s awesome wrestling psychology. Vince comes out and Piper gives Beefcake a low blow. I wonder if Patterson gets hurt on that move. Beefcake gives Piper a leg drop ala Hulk Hogan and gets the pin as Tenacious Z holds McMahon from entering to break up the pin. Brutus Beefcake is your winner. Probably a 4 1/2 star match.

Triple H is shown in the back and Stephanie tells him to be careful. But Triple H had his game face on and didn’t barely acknowledge her. He’s so cool. I wish I could be like Triple H. See a chubby girl in the back who shows compassion for him and just shun her like she’s nobody. A chubby multimillionaire that is.

Shawn Michaels comes out first to his own music. Some of the people get excited. Kevin Nash comes out and the crowd goes absolutely nuts. Nature Boy comes out and well, Charlotte is Nature Boy country. Triple H comes out in the manly purple tights with manly purple wrestling boots. Somewhere Liberace and Rock Hudsen are smiling. HBK and Flair go after each other. Terry “The Red Rooster” Taylor and Sarge Slaughter separate them. Kevin Nash gives HHH some great elbow drops. He measured him like a physicist measuring mililiters. Kevin Nash is such a great brawler in the mold of Bruiser Brody. The best thing about Kevin Nash is his believeable punches. He throws some great ones. Ref bumps galore. Earl Hebner went down not once but twice. Great ref bumps. Nothing better to change the momentum of a match than a ref bump. Triple H gets disqualified for hitting Earl with the sledgehammer. Nash chases HHH to the back and decides to beat up everything that moves. He throws HBK down and then powerbombs HHH through a table. That’s how to market a babyface. You make him kill off the bad ass heel. And the crowd then will not show any compassion for the heel who is on the floor dead selling it like he’s out of it. They have something with this feud.

Back in “Redneck Heaven”, Austin makes Bischoff puke from the food and beer. All over the fans below.

Out comes Pat Patterson’s most hated wrestler, Trish Stratus. She’s ready to face off against Jackie, Victoria, and the man’s man, Jazz in a fourway for the Women’s championship. Trish does a Matrix type manuever where she bends over frontwards and dodges a kick. The match ends where Jazz hits a boobshaking DDT on Jackie. Decent match, but no HHH vs. Kevin Nash.

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar is next in one of the greatest gimmick matches of all time, the stretcher match. It’s a great concept. You beat your opponent senseless into unconsciousness and then put him on the stretcher and take him to the back. This could do for Brock Lesnar what the Hell In The Cell matches did for Mick Foley. Most of this match has taken place outside of the ring. So it isn’t exactly the mat classic, but more so of an outside floor classic. Big Show is such a great heel. He does everything with rugged grace. He makes it look like it hurts, but you know it really doesn’t. The gentle giant he is. Mysterio comes in and gives Show the 619 to the testicles. Show no sold it like a woman. Lesnar came out with a forklift and gave Show a vertical suplex almost as good as a Hogan classic. Then he gave him an F-5 and put him on the forklift to win the match. What a great finish that was. Anytime a finish happens in a “sports entertainment” way, it’s awesome. Great way to end one of the greatest nights in the history of wrestling. Lou Thesz would be smiling proudly.

By the way, I drank about five Citrona’s while writing this.

I simply can’t wait for Martin and Will to reprise their characters in Bad Boys II. It’s the one movie I must see first day no matter what. And while the movie doesn’t come out until July, they’re already talking trilogy. Check it out here.

Preface

Ok, I’ll admit that I was a little sad when Josh lost, especially when he was singing the song to his daughter. It was very nice and he sounded very good on the song. I’m getting a little fed up with Clay’s “pick me, pick me” attitude when he knows he has it in the bag. The worst he’s going to place is second. Everytime I see him pray that people vote for him, it makes me not want to vote for him. Ruben on the other hand is the definition of cool. It doesn’t seem like anything phases him. I think he’s already figured out that soon he’s going to be singing hooks on just about any rap album out there. My prediction is that P. Diddy tries to sign him to Bad Boy, but if I’m big Rube Studdard, I go with Clive Davis or LA Reid. Stay off those pop rap labels.

I’m interested to what the format of the show is going to be like with only three competitors left. Here we go.

The Hot List

1. Big Rube Studdard – Most consistent performer tonight should get a free pass to the next round, but we’ll see what America thinks.
2. Clay Aiken – Awesome show saving performance bumps him up this week.
3. Kimberly Locke – Even if she doesn’t win this thing, we’re still going to hear her in popular music.

The Defeated

Josh Gracin
Trenyce
Carmen Rasmusen
Kimberly Caldwell
Ricky Smith
Corey Clark (free Corey Clark)
Julia DeMatto
Charles Grigsby
Vanessa Olivarez

My Thoughts

Blake told me about his new sign that he made for Clay. It says, “No Fakin, I’m Aiken To Shake Clay’s Bacon”. No lies. Here’s the format of the show. The three contestants sing a song picked by the judges, picked by them, and one random song that was picked out of a bowl. Up first is the random round. Kim Locke is first as she picked Band Of Gold out of the bowl while closing her eyes. She was pretty psyched up that she picked the song. I’m not really diggin’ the song, but she does a pretty good job. Nice way to start the show. No celebrity judge tonight. Randy says Kimberly is the most improved and the song was brilliant. Paula agrees with Randy (what a surprise). Simon says that she was dreadful last week and shouldn’t have made it this far and then says this week, she was brilliant. That Simon knows how to throw a compliment around. Big Rube is next after the commercial.

Rube Studdard randomly picked Signed, Sealed, Delivered. I’m excited to see how he sings this one. His voice isn’t Wonderesque, but he can bring the energy like Stevie can. Well maybe not exactly like Stevie can. Paula jumps up immediately and starts dancing. No matter what I say about Paula’s judging talents, she’s still a very attractive woman, even more attractive when she gets up and dances. Rube was decent, but I don’t like his voice singing Stevie’s song. Randy says that it wasn’t Rube’s greatest performance, but it was still good. Paula says that he signed it, sealed it, and delivered it. That Paula is just so original. Simon says it was brilliant. Blake’s buddy Clay is next singing Vincent. The song is so different than anything in music today, that it’s almost hard to just listen to something that has a simple guitar background to go along with the vocals. It’s not my cup of tea, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it was good. Randy says the song was boring and it was Clay’s weakest performance. Paula says it wasn’t his best performance and she points out that he messed up the lyrics. I didn’t catch that. Simon says it was dreary. Ryan teases that Clay has some interesting clothing up coming.

It is time for judge’s choice. Randy has chosen Anyone Who Had A Heart for Kimberly Locke. She doesn’t seem comfortable singing the song at the beginning but heats up. The song is a complicated one and comes across as hard to sing. I’m not sold on the song, but let’s see what the judges say. Randy says it sounded great on her. Paula says she’s beautiful and tears everyone’s heart apart. Simon says it was good, but he wasn’t blown away “if I’m being honest”. Does that mean he’s not honest with us all the time? Simon has chosen Smile for Ruben. Maybe it’s just me tonight, but I have yet to be blown away. I think Ruben does a really good job and picks up the energy of the song toward the end, but it’s not the blow away song I was expecting. Randy says Ruben represented on the song. Paula says Ruben’s dimples are the “money shot”. I hope she doesn’t watch porn. Simon says it was a job well done.

Paula has picked Mac Tha Knife for big play Clay. The song is actually perfect for his voice, but that doesn’t mean he’s still not a goofy entertainer. Whenever he tries to force his personality on us, it comes off awkwardly. Maybe he does need a few drinks like the wife said a couple months back. Randy gives Clay a standing ovation. Paula says Clay was so ultra cool. Simon says Clay didn’t wink once and was also brilliant. Now it’s time for the contestants to pick their own songs. Kimberly has picked Inseperable by Natalie Cole. This is more my type of song. I’m a sucker for nice ballads. It’s doesn’t make me stand up and cheer, but I do like it. Kimberly has become my favorite performer. I think ever since Simon clowned her for her hair and figure, I’ve had a special place in my heart for her. I would love for her to win this competition. Randy says it was hot. Paula says she was the perfect mix of a diamond. What? Simon says it was really good and he really thinks all three have a chance to win.

Rube Studdard has chosen If Ever You’re In My Arms Again. He may have just won tonight’s vote with this song choice. It should fit him perfectly. Like I said above, I’m a sucker for ballads, and finally, I’ve found the one performance that has stood out more so than any other tonight. Rube puts his all into the song. I just hope he didn’t oversing it in the judges’ eyes. Randy says it was dope, dude. Paula says America loves Ruben. Simon says Rube deserves to be in the final two. Clay is the cleanup hitter tonight. He sings Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers. Didn’t we find out that this was one of Simon’s favorite songs? Remember that little Italian dude sang it before we got to the final ten and Simon said it reminded him of a restaraunt singer. Clay sings it much better of course. To me, it’s his best performance of the night. With the ballads, he doesn’t have to try and entertain by dancing, or snapping his fingers. With emotional ballads like these, he can just sing and let his feelings take over. Very nice job by big play Clay. He just trumped Ruben as my favorite performance tonight. Randy says he made it work. Paula says this was the best performance of the entire competition. I’m not sure I’d say that. Simon says we should just vote off Ryan Seacrest and keep all three. Simon says it’s the greatest song of all time and the performance was over the top, but it was still good. Brooke Burke is in the crowd. No, she wasn’t in a bikini. I don’t know how I recognized her either in regular clothing. They still have about five minutes of time to kill so we’ll see what they’re going to do after the break.

Ryan is supposed to do a backstage interview with all three contestants, but just picks on Kimberly. I guess she left her fly open. In my opinion, we’re going to be left with Big Rube and Clay in the final two. I don’t necessarily think they are much better than Kimberly, but maybe a sliver better. I feel badly not taking my girl to the dance, but after tonight, I think Ruben and Clay have more star quality and more of what America is looking for. Kim could’ve probably been first or second last year, but this year is different.