We knew it was going to happen. If I had to put money on it, I’d have said it would be Ruben vs. Clay in the final twosome. This is for all the money. While whoever finishes in second place is going to most likely get a record contract down the line, the winner will get a million dollar recording contract, a single to be relased in two weeks, and an album scheduled for release in only a few months. Second may not be bad, but first is definitely best.

Enough shuckin’ and jivin’; I want you to stick and move.

That quote was from Apollo Creed’s trainer and mentor, Tony from the original Rocky movie. And that quote is very analogous to tonight. No time for shuckin’ and jivin’. It’s all serious tonight. Just stick and move.

The Hot List

1. Big Rube Studdard - I’ve had him in this spot all year long. No reason to change that. Great job all season big homie.
2. Clay Aiken - He’s probably a slight favorite, but not here. Excellent job, but not enough for me, little homie. 

The Defeated

Kimberly Locke
Josh Gracin
Trenyce
Carmen Rasmusen
Kimberly Caldwell
Ricky Smith
Corey Clark (free Corey Clark)
Julia DeMatto
Charles Grigsby
Vanessa Olivarez

My Thoughts

No new sign from Blake this week. He was too busy playing naked, hairy Twister with Hea Jin, Randall and the Makamatsu’s this weekend.

Who is going to win? Ruben or Clay? I’ll go with what I said a couple weeks ago. I’ll say Clay wins in a close call. But I’m a Big Rube guy. Blake does have a sign if Ruben wins and no, it’s not “I’m lubin’ for Ruben” so take your dirty minds out of the gutter.

Randy Jackson has a black fisherman’s hat on. Not that he’s an African American fisherman. But the hat is black. Reminds of a story when I was listening to sports radio talk show host Jim Rome. He asked Joe Montana if there were too many black eyes in the NFL, meaning too many negative things happening in the league. The way Rome said it where he said black and eyes almost with no pause, made it sound like he asked if there were too many black guys in the NFL. Montana was thrown for a loop until Rome figured out why Montana was uncomfortable. I guess the moral is that words can come across awkward. Whatever, I just wanted to tell that Rome story and figured I needed to find a way to relate it to American Idol. Rube is on first.

Rube starts with the hearty A House Is Not A Home. His detractors will say that he’s cruisin’, singing in a style which suits him and doesn’t take chances. And this doesn’t differ from that, but still, you can stay within your comfort zone, and when you are as consistent as Ruben, you can get away with it. Randy and Paula really liked it while Simon said it was good, but not his best. And of course, he was booed.

Big Game James, James Worthy is in the audience tonight. He said Ruben moves him. I wonder if Kareem Abdul-Jabbar did the same for him. Clay is next. (Duh, who else is going to sing next?) They show Clay in his audition where he wore the glasses and the funky hair style. Blake likes him better with the “nerdy” look. Clay is singing an original song called This Is The Night. He’s wearing a suit. Brother, you need to take the hanger out of your jacket before you put it on. Just kidding. He looks pretty suave. And I’m diggin’ the song. It’s a pretty uplifting song. If they put this out on a single, out of gratitude for my American Idol buddies (hey, I had something to do every Tuesday night writing this dumb journal), I’d buy it. And I wouldn’t even play it secretly. I’d play it in front of my most manliest buddies, and while I may be holding a teddy bear, I’ll be singing along right with Clay. Awesome job. Let’s see what the judges say. Randall Jackson says he hated the single, but Clay blew his brains out singing it. Paula says he found the matrix of the song. I wonder what movie Paula saw this weekend. Simon says American Idol has made Clay handsome. Simon says the song was American Idol The Musical and didn’t like it.

Rube is next, singing Imagine, the John Lennon song. Remember how I talked about taking chances? This is a chance and a half. The wife just asked if John Lennon was playing the guitar. Uh babe, yah, and that’s Yoko Ono playing the violin. I’m unsure about how I like it, but the song is very nice. Let’s see what the judges think. Randolph Jackson says it was great while Paula says we don’t have to Imagine, because Ruben has already made it. That Paula, always trying to be witty and clever. And Simon says it was risky, but he pulled it off.

Clay is next with another Beatle’s song, Paul McCartney’s Here, There, and Everywhere. As long as it’s not the duet with Michael Jackson from the Thriller album, The Girl Is Mine. That song almost ruined the Thriller album. And it was even the first single. What was Quincy Jones thinking? Anyway, back to Clay. He performs a “nice” rendition of the song. Randy? Randy says it was safe, but Clay is still the bomb. Paula says it was haunting and vulnerable, yet beautiful. Simon says it was very “pretty” but he wasn’t blown away.

By the way, I’ll be back here tomorrow night. I’ve never posted on the Wednesday show, but since it’s the final, I will do so. Rube’s next with Fly Without Wings. The wife is happy that this song is a little more upbeat. That’s what’s tough about having these two in the finals. Both like to showcase their voices singing ballads. So unless Clay pulls out that awful red leather jacket to perform Grease again, I’m guessing his final song is going to be a ballad too. Ruben’s last song is very good. It’s a little cheesy as far as the lyrics go, but he has a choir backing him. Makes me want to go to church. Will this performance win it for him? Not sure. It’s very uplifting again, as Clay’s first song was. We’ll see if America likes gospel pop songs. Randall and Paula give Rube a standing ovation. Simon says it was fantastic and Ruben saved the best for last. The ball is now in Clay’s court. Let’s see if he goes to the hole. Stick and move.

Clay is singing Simon and Garfunkel’s Bridge Over Troubled Waters. He has the same choir backing him. He might be wearing the same “nerdy” Clay shirt, but doesn’t have the glasses or the funky hair. So I think he’s ok. The only time I’ve ever heard this song was a version by Elvis Presley. That might be bad for my ears because not too many singers can stand up to Elvis in my eyes or ears. Actually, he’s singing his ass off. The guy has pipes, and using music lingo and not porn lingo, he can blow. Randy and Paula give Clay the standing ovation. Paula says she had chills and it was his personal best. Simon’s being honest again. That only spells trouble. Simon says that Clay has been a little off tonight but he thinks it could win him the competition. His reaction to Simon’s comments will make me vote for Ruben 25 times. He fluttered his eye lashes, closed his eyes like he was going to kiss someone, and let out a breath of air. And then, as he’s always done, when Ryan told the audience what Clay’s phone number was, he looked like a puppy dog and put up his two fingers since he is number two tonight. The wife said he was going to do that. And he did it. And it annoyed me. I won’t be mad if the guy wins, but he definitely annoys me with his quirks more so than anyone else I can think of on this show. Yes, even more so than Charlie Grigsby’s surprised eyes when the crowd liked him. Yes, even more so than Ricky Smith’s “I love you America”. Yes, even more so than Kimberly Clarke’s weird wrinkle in her forehead when she smiled. Yes, even more so than Trenyce’s flashed gums when she smiled. Wait, actually I liked her sexy gums. Scratch that. But you get my point.

The show ends with Paul Anka singing a new version of My Way straight with American Idol specific lyrics. Pretty funny. I think Paul Anka would’ve come in third place tonight. Good night everyone. Just to let you know, if I can get in, I’m voting for Big Rube Studdard and I’ll be representing the 205.

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