In somewhat of a shocker, Matthew Rogers was one of the two finalists from last week. I’ll admit, the show sucked very badly. In fact it was quite possibly the worst show I’ve seen in three years. I think people will blame Simon for the fact that Lisa Leuschner didn’t make it. He seems to just not like her. First it was the weight issue that he seems to harp on all the time with Caucasian females. He doesn’t harp on the guys, or the darker skinned females. Ruben Studdard anyone? I think if the voice was spectacular, he wouldn’t care. But he just doesn’t love her voice and since he doesn’t, that’s the thing he harped on. I think he thinks that the record buying audience would harp on the same thing. It’s only one man’s opinion. I’ve also heard people say Camile Velasco didn’t deserve to make it. Well, comparing her to Lauryn Hill is tough since Lauryn is supremely talented. But I do see some flavor in her. She’s not your dime a dozen Idol contestant. She has some flavor, a little bit of a shy and cute personality, and when they do her up for the stretch run, she’ll probably look pretty decent. I have no qualms with that. And now it’s time for group 3. Let’s just hope it’s better than last week.


Actually, me and my three friends doing an acapella version of John Fogerty’s Centerfield could’ve made it on the last show. Actually, me and Big Willy Hung could do a duet of Cheech and Chong’s My Scrotum which is sung to the music of My Sharona and we would’ve at least made the top three of last week’s show. It was bad, but this one will hopefully be all for the better.

Elizabeth Letendre is the first one up tonight. She goes right into Whitney Houston’s I Wanna Dance. To me, this is the wrong song for her as her voice is much deeper than Miss Crack Is Wack Houston. She tries to bring energy which is good, and overall I think she does a nice job, but the outfit is not good at all. The boots have to go. Randy says it was hot. Paula says she came out with a bang and she flipped a song that was a difficult song. Simon says the performance is cheap. He said it’s not good enough for the competition. To go slightly off on a tangent, my wife hates it when the singers talk to Ryan and in telling the viewing audince what the voting number is, the singers always make the numbers with their fingers as if we all need sign language to go with the screen font and Ryan’s voice telling us what the number is. It irritates her to no end. And Clay was the worst last year because it was if he was begging. I’m waiting for someone to not do that and I will vote for them, even if they were so bad, they couldn’t tie Big Willy Hung’s shoelaces.

Eric Yoder is next and in the auditions, his personality was his weak point. Simon called him Clay with no personality. Eric does In The Still Of The Night which is interesting because I just heard Boyz II Men’s version of the song today. Eric does sound a lot like Clay, with slightly less powerful vocals. It’s going to be interesting how the judges like him. I think he comes off really strong at the end as he shows off his vocals. I bet Paula loves him. Randy says that he brought it home at the end and he brought the falsetto for Randall. Paula says it was good too. Simon says he’s just a good voice and he doesn’t see anything else. Basically he’s saying Eric is too vanilla. Amy Adams is next and she is the one of pink hair. She seems like a fun person, but in the past shows, fun only goes so far. Remember Vanessa from last year? I hate it when these girls do Celine and that’s what Amy does. Celine has a particular voice to where she can sound good in a phone booth, and basically these girls are shooting for one of the strongest (though annoying) voices in all of music. I didn’t like it all that much. It was far from bad, and I don’t think she has the range, but let’s see what Randall says. Randall says she did it. Paula says she loves the personality and the stage presence. Simon says she sang it very well, but says he sees Cabaret Idol rather than American Idol.

Ryan promotes Big Willy Hung’s studio appearance next week on a blooper like show. I smell ratings.

Jon Peter Lewis who looks like a grown up Bobby Brady is next. He’s the pen salesman. He’s got a Ben Folds like quirky personality. I don’t really know the song so I’m not sure how it’s supposed to be done, but he is struggling in the beginning. He picks up steam in the end and finishes it off nicely. Randall says he was feeling him. Paula says he has a lot of passion, but didn’t show confidence. Simon says if he’s being honest and says he can’t look at him and say he’s an American Idol, but rather an American with a good voice. Isn’t Simon always being honest? Jon Peter didn’t put up the fingers, but he still tugged on his ear. I think that meant he was number four. So I’m not voting for him.

Charly Lowry is next and she’s got a different look. She’s of American Indian heritage and has this crazy accent. Let’s see how she does. She’s definitely got stage presence and the judges like that. She has a very soulful voice as well and you can’t even hear a bit of that accent. Kind of like Huey Lewis. If you’ve ever heard him speak, you’d expect him to sing like your English professor, but then he sings with such a strong voice without the accent. Randall didn’t like it, but he loves her accent. Paula says it needs to be tighter. Simon agrees with Paula and says her voice is really good and she needs to let go. Paula then gives Simon a kiss on the cheek. Jonah Moananu is next. He’s the guy that looks like the Hawaiian Ruben Studdard. I can already tell what the song is. He’s singing Carl Thomas’ I Wish. I don’t think he has it for this competition. He’s got a great personality, but vocally, I don’t think he stands a chance. Let’s see what Randall says. Randall says he doesn’t show his vocal range. Paula says it wasn’t heavy on melody and liked his voice. Simon says he doesn’t think he’s very good. He says the timing was all over the place. Out of everyone, I agree with Simon the most. I don’t think the others wanted to hurt big dude’s feelings. Definitely the worst of the bunch tonight in my eyes.

Leah Labelle is a youngster. At 17 years old, she’s still in High School and she’s the one with the mom who was the pop star in Bulgaria and won the first ever Bulgarian Idol. Actually, maybe if they had the show 20 years ago she would’ve. She goes Whitney too and I don’t think it’s very good. She’s singing I Have Nothing and it’s bad. Worse than Jonah. Randall says she tried a few things to make it her own and he loves the tone. Paula says she’s a star and the camera loves her. She says she has extreme potential. Simon says she’s a beautiful designer dress and when you bring it home, it has a rip. Simon says she almost has everything right, but doesn’t have it right yet and is Simon’s pick for best of the night. I heard an odd voice trying to sing Whitney, but the judges liked it.

Latoya London is last for tonight and she’s from Oaktown. Maybe some Oaktown 357 and Juicy Gotcha Krazy? Actually, she decided against it and is singing All By Myself and she’s my favorite of the night. If I didn’t have Tivo and actually watched the show live and actually was able to get a vote in on time, she would be my pick. Randall says finally the show has started and she’s the best since the show has started and says wow three times. Paula says she commands the room and then says, “right on with your bad self.” Oh Paula. Simon says she knew she was the best and it was a superb performance.

If I could pick two people that I would like to see go on, it would definitely be Latoya London and probably Eric Yoder. I think Latoya will get through, but the judges big upped Amy and Leah so much, I have a feeling either of the two will make it along with Latoya.

By Mave Deltzer

It was the day of the game. They were ready. The legs were loose. The spirits were free. The eyes of the Hulkster were bloodshot red. All was fine in the land of Garrett, Davey, and Edson. All except Edson’s rumbling stomach. He had history of having an upset stomach. One day in junior high school, Edson and Garrett had gone to the mall. They stopped off at McDonalds and had their usual Big Mac. Garrett went to the restroom after he’d eaten and he came back to an empty seat. Edson was no where to be found. Garrett thought to look at some of their favorite stores. There was a sports cards shop that they liked to browse. The owner was a Philipino guy who was a big Michael Jordan fan. Garrett and Edson thought it was funny that he as the big Michael Jordan fan, couldn’t pronounce Michael Jordan. It was as if Elmer Fudd jumped in the body of this Philipino man. He would say, “I have some new Michael Jo-dan cards.” Edson and Garrett would get a kick out of that every time. Actually, they’d encourage the mispronouncing. Edson would ask him all the time who his favorite player was, even though he already knew, just to hear the man say Michael Jo-dan. Garrett would ask him like someone who had lived in a cave for the last ten years, “Who is that guy who plays for the Bulls and wears number 23?” And with the proudest of smiles, the man would say, why of course, that would be Michael Jo-dan. Garrett walked up to the man to see if he had seen his friend. The man replied that he hadn’t, but that he had some new Michael Jo-dan cards. Garrett wasn’t interested.

He decided to try and get someone to page his friend over the intercom. He found a man in the middle of the mall and he had him announce over the speakers, “Lew Edson Jamir Lansang, please come to the middle of the mall.” Garrett waited a good ten minutes and his friend never came. Looked like he had to take the bus back home himself. Later that day, he found out that Edson had a bad case of stomach cramps and called his mother to pick him up and take him home. The stomach cramps turned into throwing up and a howlingly bad case of toxic diarrhea. Edson couldn’t stomach most solid foods anymore and for the entire summer was on a diet that consisted of bananas and jello. All because of a Big Mac.

Edson was feeling those same feelings on the day of the game. He had the cramping. He had the vomiting. And worse of all, he had the toxic diarrhea. The game wasn’t until 2:00PM, so the guys had some time. Garrett brought over a bottle of the pink stuff and Edson drank it like it was Gatorade. But it didn’t help. They had an idea. They remembered back to junior high school and the Big Mac fiasco. Edson’s mom had some bananas and red jello and Edson decided to try it. It worked like a charm. He felt better, even though he was worried that he wouldn’t be able to eat winner’s number 9. But they had to play the game first.

Davey woke up stoked for the game and put on his special clean socks. Yes, his special socks were his clean ones. His motto was that underwear and socks had two good sides. Usually, in order to save laundry detergent, he liked to wear his socks the regular way and then flip them inside out and wear them again before throwing them in the dirty basket. Underwear was no different.

Mike and Gary had a different way to get ready for the game. Rather than getting the old Togos wrapper for Gary to sniff, Mike went above the call of duty. Since Gary was in town and tired from driving, Mike picked him up and drove him directly to Togos. Gary was wondering what kind of strategy Mike was trying to use as it was no good to get full before the game. They walked inside together and Gary noticed Matt, his nephew, and Mike, Garrett, and Davey’s cousin was working the sandwich counter. Mike asked Matt to pull out a piece of pastrami and put it under Gary’s nose. Gary took the biggest whiff of all time, and for a second, Matt actually thought Gary was trying to snort the pastrami, but then Michael pulled him away. Gary staggered out of the restaurant like a drunken bar hopper, high off the smell of pastrami. Gary was ready again because next time he wasn’t going to sniff. He was going to bite. And bite hard.

The second match-up, just like the first was to be held at Bird Park, which was close to Davey’s house. Davey was not just Davey anymore. He was now The Duck. Garrett had taken Davey to a wrestling event a few months prior and after the event was over, he noticed Davey was going through some mannerisms. Davey was also mouthing something. He then said out of the blue that if he was ever a wrestler, he’d be known as Dave The Duck and his finishing maneuver would be called the Quacker Splash. Without even a flinch, Garrett started calling him The Duck.

Michael and Gary didn’t need to warm up. Hell, they hadn’t touched a basketball since the last time the two teams played. Garrett, Davey, and Edson had been warming up since the last time the teams played. They were ready. And Garrett was going to shoot for the ball. Gary tried to throw him off his shot by telling him his shoes were untied, but to no avail, Garrett hit the swish and the ball was theirs to start the game. Since Garrett and Davey were the original team, they started first, while Edson was on the sidelines trying to keep loose doing jumping jacks. Garrett knew that Davey was ready, but he would tire himself out early because he was so fired up. The Duck was ready to rock and roll.

Garrett posted up Gary on the first play which was a surprise to Gary since he outmuscled his young nephew in the first game. But Garrett was a little bit stronger this time, and while not stronger than his uncle by far, he was able to hold his own a little better. But he wasn’t on the block to post his uncle up and take him to the bucket. He had developed a nice little fade away and used it here. One fadeaway jumper, one point. He immediately took his uncle to the post again, and hit another fadeaway. It was almost too easy. Young bucks 2, old dogs 0. Garrett figured that The Duck would be good for a little more than half the first game. Since they were playing two out of three, it was important that Edson and Davey were fresh every time they were out on the court. What was an extra player good for if he was tired? They were going to substitute smartly.


Gary and Mike were a little cold but that was to be expected. Since Gary lives in Arizona, they couldn’t practice together, but not like they would anyway. Gary decided that enough was enough, and he played Garrett’s fadeaway perfectly, but as Garrett faked the fadeaway, Davey cut to the basket, and Garrett hit him for a third bucket. Davey then started to do a dance reminiscent of a chicken running around with it’s head cut off, and Garrett had to remind him that it was only 3-0. Garrett hit another fadeaway and it was 4-0. While Gary expected the game to be tougher, he didn’t expect to get run over. And while Gary was the go to guy on the team, it was Mike who got them back in the game. He took The Duck’s dance to heart and it fired him up. He took Davey to the hole and to his own surprise, he hit a lay-up to start the scoring for his team. He actually jumped up again to grab his own rebound thinking he was going to miss his lay-up before it went in the basket. He then hit a short jumper off a feed from his uncle and the lead was cut in half. Garrett dribbled the ball off his foot out of bounds and Gary saw that as an opportunity to find his game. He hit two short jumpers and the game was all of a sudden tied. Garrett looked over to the sideline where Edson was jumping up and raising his hand like he had the answer to the teacher’s question, waiting to get in the ball game. But it wasn’t time yet. The Duck still had some playing to do.

Davey was a little frustrated. He expected himself to play much better this time, and while he was, it wasn’t enough for him. He wanted to dominate his older cousin Mike. Garrett saw the frustration and knew he could get his younger cousin’s confidence back up. Garrett had told The Duck that every time he beat Gary off the dribble, Mike would have to come over to help out and if Davey cut to the basket, he could get an easy lay-up. Garrett decided to try and get by Gary so Davey could score a bucket or two and start feeling like he was getting the best of Mike. It was a little harder than designed. While Gary was strong, he was still pretty quick. Every time Garrett would go right, Gary was right there. He would cross over, and Gary would be right there. Then Davey did something very smart. He decided to set a screen. Garrett rubbed right around the screen, and Mike had to help out, which let The Duck, cut right to the basket and got an easy bucket. It was now 5-4.

One thing Davey was famous for was running. The kid could run around the court and not stop. He’d do a lot of needless running, but he had a ton of energy. And Mike was the beneficiary of the nice sweat that Davey had worked up. The game was still early, and Davey had already taken off his perspiration soaked shirt. He threw it towards Edson and it created a big sweat splotch on the outside of the court. Garrett figured that Davey had maybe 3 points more in him until they had to substitute. Garrett put a Davey miss back in and it was 6-4. Gary beat Garrett off the dribble and it was now 6-5. Garrett wanted Davey to go out with a bang. He set Davey up for a short jumper and Davey was done. He played his hardest and went out of the game with a 7-5 lead. He had done his job. Enter Edson.

Edson had his socks pulled up to his knees and he entered the game and immediately slapped the floor to indicate he was ready to play some defense. It made Garrett laugh because if anything, Edson was a shooter, not a defender. He was the type of player who would get the ball and immediately shoot it without thinking. That was great when he was on fire, but horrible when he wasn’t. Mike was happy that he didn’t have to deal with the ducklike defense of Davey as well as the shower he took while guarding sweaty Davey, and he started to catch fire. He hit a nice jumper on Edson and then rebounded a Gary miss and put it in to tie the score. Garrett wasn’t worried though because offensively, he and Edson had played a lot together and they knew each other’s game. He knew they could finish it out. They only needed four points to win the first game. Gary hit a runner to give the old dogs their first lead of the game. The momentum was on their side.

Mike hit a jumpshot to give the old guys a two bucket lead. It was their game to win, but the young bucks had something up their sleeves. Edson had yet to get a bucket, but he knew that he only needed one to get started. But it wouldn’t come with the next bucket. Gary hit another jumper and the old men were one bucket away from winning the first game and sticking a dagger into the hearts of the young men. It was 10-7 and it looked like the young bucks would have to wait again next year. Davey was frustrated and wanted back in, but Garrett was confident that they could pull it out. They just needed to get Edson hot. While Garrett had told Davey to cut to the hoop when Mike would help, he told Edson the opposite. He wanted Edson to go to the corner for an open jumper. And it worked to perfection. Edson hit two buckets from that spot to get them within one score. If the game was tied at 10, the game would continue passed 11 as the winner had to win by two points. On the next possession, Garrett beat Gary off the dribble and instead of helping, Mike stayed with Edson and that allowed Garrett to get a lay-up. The game was tied, and the old dogs were frustrated.


Gary walked over to Mike and said that they had to win the first game because if they didn’t, there would be no way they could win two in a row with only two people playing against three. It was now or never. Gary got the ball off an Edson miss and he was determined to go to the bucket. He went right at Garrett and Garrett was with him every step. He put the ball up and it was slightly off target, but Gary got the rebound. He then went right back up, but Garrett got a piece of it. Gary got it back again, and went back up, but couldn’t score. Garrett got the rebound and wanted to finish the game off. He looked at Edson and twirled his index finger around. That signaled the alley, no oop play. He passed to Edson and ran outside of the key while Gary followed him. He then cut right back toward the hoop and Edson threw a pass that was perfect for the play. For someone that could dunk, it was a great alleyoop pass. But for Garrett it was a great alley, no oop pass. Garrett jumped in the air, grabbed the pass, and while still in the air, laid it up and in for the score. The alley, no oop play worked to perfection and the game was one point away from being over.

Garrett dribbled the ball out and noticed that while Gary might’ve been tired, he was still ready to play defense. His legs looked fresh. It amazed Garrett because he figured at least late in the game, he would have the advantage because of the younger legs, but he was wrong. And then something happened that would cause the game to change. Gary slipped. Garrett took advantage of the slip and went right for the bucket. Mike had to help out or else Garrett would hit an easy lay-up to win the game. As he helped, Edson went to his favorite corner. Garrett sent over the perfect pass and Edson had forever to take the possible winning shot. As he was getting in his form, he started saying, “extra mustard, heavy on the pastrami, no onions, or tomatoes, and extra peppercinis.” Mike and Gary looked at each other with surprise. They couldn’t believe this guy was calling his shot. He was actually ordering his sandwich before shooting his shot. They both looked at each other and sprinted toward Edson as he was taking his shot. Edson hurriedly took the shot as Gary and Mike flew at him. He threw up an air ball, but there was one problem. Garrett was right under the basket and caught the air ball and put it in the bucket to win the first game. Garrett looked at Edson and was impressed that Edson was able to psychologically work his magic for the final bucket and win the game. While Garrett knew that it wasn’t a real pass, it was still sort of a pass, and Edson rarely passed except when he had to. But still, it was a great play.

The second game wasn’t much of a match-up. Gary and Mike spent all of their energy in the first game and the young bucks won the second game fairly easily by the score of 11-5. The Duck even had a couple more dances in the second game. After the second game was over, Gary was dejected. He had waited for Togos all day long. Mike made him sniff the meat without giving him a taste. He was drooling like Pavlov’s dogs. But all of a sudden, he started smiling. And then just like he had at the end of their first meeting a year ago, he screamed “I’m going to Togos! Yeah baby!” Garrett, Edson and Davey looked at each other wondering what their crazy uncle was doing. But all Mike could do was smile. He knew what Gary was doing. “He knows he’s getting Togos, win, lose, or draw, even if he has to pay for it,” Mike said. That was it. Gary was just happy the games were over and he was going to get his Togos.


At Togos, they made Matt put away the scale that they use to weigh the meat. These sandwiches were old school. Matt made the sandwiches so big that you couldn’t even see the bread. Everyone was eating with glee and Gary and Garrett tapped their sandwiches together as a toast and they both said at the same time, “Ain’t gonna be no rematch, ain’t gonna be no rematch, ain’t gonna be no rematch.”

By the way, Davey wasn’t at our last get together to take the new picture, but here’s what he looks like now, sitting on top of Santa’s lap. And one more thing, Edson is single. Shoot him an email if you think he’s hot stuff. But you may have to wait in line. Like at Togos, you might have to take a number.

So I’m not bitter or anything that my fellow San Jose State Spartan Katie Webber didn’t win last week. She still can make it if she gets picked as a wild card. Really, I’m fine. It’s not like I’m a fan boy or something. It’s not like I sit here and post pictures of her on my blogger while doing the American Idol reports. I’m so not a stalker. Even though I’m over it, she still was hosed.

I can understand why young Diana Degarmo won. She’s cute and has a huge voice. But she also looks younger than her supposed 16 years of age and the cute factor only goes so long until cute becomes annoying. Remember Carmen from last year? Diana is no Katie Webber. As for Fantasia Barrion, I can see why the judges liked her so much. She had great stage presence and also has a ton of voice. But her look is all bad. Her hair is shorter than mine. And in a day and age when Alicia Keys sells a lot and Kelly Price a little, I don’t know how far she can go. In that department, she can’t really hold Katie Webber’s strapless bra. Where’s Corey Clarke when you need him? Free Corey Clarke, free Corey Clarke ...

This is the second group of 8 and if they are as good as the first group, this should be another good show. Ryan opens up the show saying that American Idol is now the most popular show on TV. More popular than Surreal Life? Impossible.

First up tonight is one of the favorite personalities from the tryouts, Matthew Rogers. He’s the big football player with the big voice. Even though he’s probably a fan favorite, I don’t know if his voice has enough range. He’s singing Do For Love which was made popular again on one of Tupac Shakur’s posthumous albums. Randall said he wasn’t feeling it that much because it was safe and was not Matt. Paula who is wearing so much make-up tonight, said she didn’t feel his confident personality. Simon said it’s a 3 out of 10.

Briana Ramirez-Rial is next. She’s a suspenders freak. It’s not the most attractive outfit, but hey, at least it’s original. She’s doing Norah Jones’s Don’t Know Why. Jones by the way sold 1.1 million of her new record this week. Her version of the song was quite boring. Randall said it didn’t show that she could be a good singer. Paula said she didn’t show the quality in her voice. Simon said it was just nothing and used the word, whoopee! It just hit me. From the first time I saw her, she reminded me of someone. And that person is Joey McIntyre from the New Kids. And if you’re a female trying out for American Idol, you don’t want to remind anyone of Joey McIntyre. Noel Roman is from the Bronx with the cuts in his eye brow, pretending to wild out. He has a wannabe Stevie Wonder, Glenn Lewis voice and he’s bombing big time. He’s singing This I Promise You and if you could imagine someone dying a slow death on stage, this is your guy. Randall said that he got 5 notes out of 20. Paula agreed and Simon said if the goal was to vote for the guy who got the least amount of notes right, Noel would be the guy. This group is not comparable at all to last week’s.

Ooh, they showed a graphic for another one of those blooper shows. I bet we see William “Well” Hung again.

Kara Master from Palo Alto, California is next. She’s much better than the first three, but I’m still not hearing what we heard last week. I have no idea what song she’s singing. But it was ok. And plus, she’s from Palo Alto. She does not finish the song strong at all. Randall said it wasn’t for him. Paula thought she picked the wrong song and Simon said he’s glad they didn’t charge the audience to get in the show tonight. William Hung might’ve been able to “hang” with this group. Imagine him singing an Enrique Iglesias song. He’ll be your hero baby.

Lisa Leuschner, the one who Simon said had a big ass, in slightly nicer words, is next. Lisa is singing Sweet Thing. She has that deep voice, but it’s slightly different than what I expected from her. I expected Amy Grant and I get Mary J. Blige. Definitely the best of the bunch so far. Randall and Paula loved it. Simon said that she sang in tune and it was good, though not fantastic. Agreed. If you wonder why Lisa has such a large posterior, it comes from the mother. Jesus Roman, Noel’s bro, is next. Let’s hope that he’s better than Noel. He’s singing Back At One by Brian McKnight and I don’t think he’s much better than Noel. Actually he’s worse. He even screwed up a couple of the lyrics because he couldn’t keep up with the music. Randall said the performance was painful. Paula said he expected to not do well. Simon said he made his brother sound good. Paula said she wanted to hit Simon, and Simon said it’d make him feel better. Jesus was bad, and not bad meaning good, but bad meaning bad.

Camile Velasco from Hawaii is next and the wife said that Camile sang Lauryn Hill at the auditions. She’s singing One Last Cry by Brian McKnight and this is the much better Brian McKnight cover. She’s uneven though. She sings in a low voice, then goes high, then goes low again. Let’s see what the judges think. Randall remembered the Lauryn Hill cover and said she had a good tone and it was a’ight. He called her a young Lauryn. Paula said she was very mature and thinks she has potential. Simon kind of agrees and says she has the best potential out of the group tonight. Randall said to bring the hip hop back.

And our last performer, Marisa Joy, who was my prediction to advance before the show, is next. She’s singing Some Kind of Wonderful which is so wrong for her voice. I was waiting for Sarah Mclachlan. Randall said that he was happy she did an uptempo song, but he was lost when she was doing her crouch stance. Paula said she has beautiful eyes and was better near the end of the song. Simon said she has the posture of a bar singer. He said she was in the top three, but that the group as a whole as abysmal.

If I were to guess, Lisa Leuschner and Camile Velasco go on to the next round and Marisa Joy gets a chance to be a part of the wild card round. Everyone else pretty much sucked it big time. If only Katie Webber were a part of this group. She might’ve received 100% of the vote. Not that I’m bitter or anything.

It was fun doing the live blogger for last year’s NBA All-Star Game, so I decided to do it again. Unfortunately, dad isn’t here. He opted to watch The Fighting Temptations at home on DVD since Rick Barry isn’t playing.

Prediction time. Here are the categories. MVP, winning conference, and the Tyrone Hill Award for the player who gets the least amount of minutes. I think Hill made an All-Star game and had less than 5 minutes or something like that.

Eddy picks: Yao Ming, the West, and Jamaal Magloire
Randall picks: Kevin Garnett, the West, and Michael Redd
HJ picks: Allen Iverson, the East, and Brad Miller
Me: Shaq Daddy, the West, and Andrei Kirilenko

Looks like Outkast is going to do the introductions. Andre 3000 is doing Hey Ya. If nothing lasts forever, then what makes love the exception? That’s a great question that only Andre 3000 knows the answer to. Rather than let Andre or Big Boi announce the players, a monotone home town announcer is doing it to the backdrop of Hey Ya. Let’s just say, he needs a slower beat. The East is either getting no love from the crowd, or the music is too loud and we can’t hear them. Ok, they cheered for VC. But they didn’t cheer for Jamaal Magloire. Poor Jamaal. Now it’s Big Boi’s turn. I like the way you mooooooove. Sorry, I was singing. Uh oh, there’s Farnsworth Bentley, aka P. Diddy’s one time man servant, aka, the new Benson. Best dancer ever. This beat is a little better suited for hometown monotone announcer. Who gets a better crowd pop? Shaq or Kobe? Eddy says Shaq did, but Kobe Bean got a nice one too.

Jersey check.

Eddy is wearing Yao, HJ is wearing AI, and Randall is wearing VC. My boys are wearing the new school cats, Lebron and Carmello. And I’m wearing old school MJ black Bulls jersey.

Nelly Furtado is singing O’ Canada. She’s a little cutie, but the voice was wavering just a little bit. Christina Aguilera is singing the National Anthem. Could be the most oversung version I’ve ever heard. Give me Marvin and Nona’s version from last night any day of the week.

It started quickly. KG with the first put back and the West is already up 2-0. Stevie Franchise adds a lay-up and it’s 4-0 until Vinsanity hits a fade and East is on the board. Yao dunks over Big Ben and it’s 6-2. Block that one Ben. But Ben gets one back with a lay-up over Yao. AI lob to Big Game Jermaine. Tied game. Yao for three and it was an air ball. Yao another dunk from Big Tim. KG hits a fade away that made him look like a skinnier, yet taller MJ. VC tried to take Kobe Bean to the hole, but Kobe picked his pocket. McGrady hits Big Ben for a dunk. Francis to Yao for a dunk. If only Stevie passed to Yao in the regular season. VC with the three ball. AI off the backboard to McGrady for the dunk. First timeout. West 19-15.

My pick for MVP, the Diesel is in the game. My boy J-Kidd is also in the game. AI to the hole following a Kobe steal for a dunk. Tim with a nice jump hook for a bucket. Kidd for three. The Deez for a dunk. Shaq needs to take lessons in how to throw oops. Another oop to VC from AI. And another dunk from the Deez. J-Kidd for three again. Another time out and the West is up 27-25. The game is moving at such a fast pace that I think Magic wants in. But if you’ve seen Mag lately, his belly might get in the way.

Ooo, Lennox Lewis is sitting next to Naomi Campbell. Woah, Magloire over Shaq. Ron Artest is wearing two different shoes. And this isn’t just any mismatch mistake. They are two completely different colors. One is yellow and one is white and blue. Punky Brewster he is not. PP is in early and hits an early two. Grand Kenyon from JKidd. New Jersey representing. Kidd threw the oop underhanded from half court. Magloire hits the last shot of the first and they take their first lead 33-31.

Memo to J-Kidd. Don’t ever throw an oop to Paul Pierce ever again. Peja gets his first feed and before I can say anything, it’s up in the air. Those dog gone Euros. Artest changed his shoes again. Sam I Am finally got a bucket. Good for Sam. Finally made an All-Star team and doesn’t get shut out. Peja has got the ball three times. He shot three times. Those Euros must not like to pass. Magloire dunked and hung on the rim like he was the Diesel. Another pass to Peja, another shot. Four for four he is. The Deez has 8 points and 6 boards. East up 42-40.

Question, is Brad Miller a Euro? He looks like it. But I guess not. Dirk from Sam. East up by four. B. Diddy for three diddy. Ooo, Miller goes up for the dun…, err lay-up. Flip calls the time out as the East takes a 9 point lead. Eddy calls for Yao. He said Yao needs back in. I think I agree.

Kirilenko sighting. Michael Redd sighting too. Magloire just pinned himself on the rim on a dunk attempt. How can someone that tall miss a dunk so badly? B. Diddy the oop for Big Game Jermaine. East up by 5. Kirilenko missed badly. Stevie Francis decides to dribble for 20 seconds and hits a fade away. I’m sure somewhere Jeff VanGundy was shaking his head. East only up by 1.

T-Mac ooped to himself again. And then Yao missed a lay-up. Memo to Yao. You are 7’6, don’t ever lay the ball up. Dunk it damnit! Eddy just said Kobe is the least valuable player in this game. East up by six and there’s 34 seconds left in the first half. After a very nice first quarter, the second quarter is pretty boring.

I want to change Eddy’s pick for least valuable player. I’m going with Stevie Franchise. Jeez! The guy drops Kobe’s oop, dribbles around and throws an oop to nobody in particular. End of the half. East is winning. And I’m sad.

But Magic is hosting the half time show, so I’m happy again. Magic is looking handsome these days. Wait, he just said Michael McDonald was next. Talk about white hair. This guy’s hair is beyond white. It’s almost see through. He’s singing Marvin’s What’s Goin’ On. I thought Beyonce was doing some half time stuff? I’ll give it up to Mad Dog Mike McDonald. It was a very nice version. Beyonce is next. One question? Where’s Jigga? She’s singing Naughty Girl. She goes into Crazy In Love. Jigga must be somewhere close by. I can feel it. He’s gotta be coming next. How come I have a feeling he’s not coming on? Damn! She needs to show Jigga some love! It’s over, and I think Chuck Barkley is going to put the mack on.

The game is back on. Yao has three early buckets to start the quarter and the West is down 7.

I was gone for about 5 minutes as I had to order WWE’s No Way Out on PPV. It’s interesting that everytime I try and order something through Comcast, I always have to call techincal support to get my order in. I wonder if I should just go through technical support to order stuff? All I know is that Comcast sucks the big sloppy dunky one.

Ok, I must’ve been gone for longer. West is now up by one. Tim Duncan, aka Mountain Man Tim (you need to see the hair on this guy) dunks the ball for a three point West lead.

I think J-Kidd is wearing the Jordan XIX’s. First he gets his number retired at Cal, and then he gets to wear the XIX’s. That guy leads a charmed life. I wish I was J-Kidd minus the wife slapping. Michael Redd hits a three to cut the West lead to three and then J-Kidd steals the ball leading to a Grand Kenyon dunk. Then Shaq answers with what Randall calls, a Gorilla dunk. Was that a racist comment from Randall? I don’t think so. I think he has Black in his family.

Shaq sets a pick for Brad Miller and he hits a little fade. If I ever come off a pick, I want the Diesel setting it. He could clear out the entire team. Jamaal Magloire is the most unexciting dunker. B. Diddy threw him an oop, and he dunked it, but it was like if he didn’t want to hurt the rim. Maybe he’s just a boring guy. I bet that when he talks, people don’t listen. What is Sam I Am doing? He threw an oop to Kirilenko and it was a little too high. KG he is not. Just when I said something, AK-47 threw one down. End of the third.

The game has one more quarter to go. But WWE’s No Way Out comes on at 8PM PST. It’s currently 7:40PM PST. Here’s the plan. Once No Way Out comes on, we’re going to change the channel and hit pause on the Tivo. Then we’re going in the garage to finish watching the game. The wife suggested that we go into the bedroom, but I didn’t want to sit in the bed with Randall and Eddy. Actually, it wouldn’t matter as long as I wasn’t in the middle.

Last quarter. West leading 103-101. Kirilenko is getting a little overzealous. He finally scores, and then immediately puts it up again, but misses. Damn Euros. Magloire is fouled again and it was kind of boring. And he misses a free throw. Ho Hum. Whoops, I fell asleep as Magloire was on the line. He made it by the way. Artest made a lay-up and then Peja threw the ball away. Finally passed it and can’t even pass it to his own team. Peja gets the ball and before I even notice it’s him, he puts it up and misses. The only reason I knew it was him was because he shot it so fast. Magloire boringly shot and missed. B. Diddy dunked it. Yao threw an oop to Stevie. Stevie should take passing lessons from Yao. Francis decides to dribble until he got tired of dribbling and finally passed it. Break in the action. If I can’t fall asleep, I’m going to watch a tape of Jamaal Magloire. That would definitely put me in REM sleep quickly.

Wait, someone just proposed to Star Jones. That man is definitely on top. Yao hits the fade. Game is tied again. Redd for three. East up three. Kobe Bean with a nice fade. East up by one. B. Diddy just missed a reverse dunk on an oop. Would’ve been nice, real nice. Iverson to Kidd, Kidd shoo, no he passes to AI, AI shoo, no he passes back to Kidd for the bucket. They were faking me out. Kidd finally misses a shot after a Duncan bucket. The Dies gets another shot. My MVP pick is looking more and more like an actuality. Big Play Ray Allen gets a bucket off a missed shot. West is up three and there’s less than six minutes left. And No Way Out is coming on in less than five. I’m imagining that garage being a little cold. The bed is looking nicer and nicer. As long as there’s no spooning.

I have a problem with my Comcast again. Not only did I go through technical support to order a simple PPV, but it’s not on now. I am calling them again. I have missed the last 5 minutes of the game, but I did see Shaq land on Star Jones’ lap. Whoops, that was Ruben Studdard. My bad.

Ok, so now I can’t watch the PPV, but more on that and horrible Comcast later. TDunc hits a turnaround and now the West is up one with 25 seconds left. You’ll notice that I’ve missed a ton. And you’ll notice that I’m upset. I might need to watch that tape of Jamaal Magloire now. The game is close. Another overtime game? The ball went to McGrady and he threw an alleyoop that went out of bounds. West ball. Ray Allen is fouled and he’s going to the free throw line. He makes the first, and unlike in Jamaal Magloire fashion, I wasn’t put to sleep. Big Play Ray hits the second and the West are up three.

Kirilenko sighting. Is he even in at the end of the Utah Jazz games? The ball goes to Michael Redd for three and he misses. Mountain Man Tim gets the board and is fouled with 2 seconds left. Eddy says MMT is going to miss both free throws. He makes the first. Game is over. MMT misses the second and the game is really over. 136-132. Shaq Dies has to be the MVP.

More on Comcast. They said that because of their own error, I can’t order the PPV. They said they were really sorry, and I agreed. They said I can order it tomorrow. Great. Watching live television a day later. Shout out to Comcast. Nice job. Makes me want to switch to the dish even more now. Actually I would be a dish customer if I was able to put it on more than 4 TV’s. Yes, I actually have cable on more than 4 TV’s.

The Deez wins the MVP. Call me Nostradaumus. The West won. Call me Nostradaumus. And Kirlenko (along with B. Miller who was injured) won the Tyrone Hill award. Call me Nostradaumus. I’m out. It’s another year of blogging the spectacle that is the NBA All-Star Game.

The Star Wars Trilogy is finally coming on video.