For a short period of time, I wrote Raw recaps and entitled them, The One Man Raw Party. I figured, hell, I could do them every Monday night. But then, the wife, the kids, the job, and the commute helped kill my spirit. And the horrible storylines of Raw helped kill my desire. Back in the late 90’s the then WWF did a show in Europe that was later released on tape called, One Night Only. With all respects to that show, which was pretty good, I’ll steal the title of the show and do it For One Night Only.

My main reasons for recapping the show are to 1)not let Tivo rule my life, 2)watch the show without fast forwarding more than half of it, and 3)write about a show that could be pretty good. I’m worried about option 3.

The now WWE has an interesting PPV idea going on tomorrow. Yes, today is Monday, and they have a PPV tomorrow. The idea is that they will be interactive and let the fans do some of the booking. It’s called Taboo Tuesday. They have some interesting storylines going on and if it were not for their bad PPV track record of late, I might’ve ordered the show.

The show starts with a recap of the main event angle which is Chris Benoit, Edge, and Shawn Michaels all vying for the fans’ vote. The fans will choose who HHH wrestles tomorrow night. All three guys are decently deserving, though we’ve seen Shawn Michaels wrestle HHH ad nauseum in the last two years. Edge is the fresh match-up, but I have a feeling he’ll get the least amount of votes. Last week, Edge speared HBK after as a team, they with Benoit, defeated Evolution and Edge pinned HHH. HBK set up the pin, and Edge stole the victory. HBK decided to get on the mic and say that he was the show stopper and that the fans should pick him. Edge then did his best Rhyno/Goldberg/Shane McMahon impersonation on HBK. My guess? Benoit gets the fans vote and HBK and Edge are left to wrestle the tag team champions. That’s right. The two wrestlers not in the main event will face La Resistance for the tag straps.

Eric Bischoff is in the ring and introduces his special nephew Eugene. They did such a great job in making us care for Eugene, but now, he’s the goofy idiot that everyone feared he was going to be when he came in. Bischoff basically runs him down and even does his “retarded” impersonation. That Vince McMahon loves the low brow. Can’t get any lower than doing your best “Corky” impersonation. Then Bischoff says that Gene Snitsky aka The Baby Killer (did I say low brow?) will wrestle Eugene tonight. First, he caused Lita to abort and killed her baby. Now he will kill the man who acts like a baby. Great. Eugene was basically squashed, and now I feel even less compassion for him than I did before tonight. As for Snitsky? He’s a decent character who gets points for not stinking up the joint, but he’s almost Warlord stiff. Ok, at least he can bend his arms. But he’s bad. They tease the triple threat match between HBK, Benoit, and Edge, as well as Randy O and Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair and Batista.

After commercial, they go to a debate. You mean we haven’t seen enough of these in the last week? I can’t wait for HBK to do his George Bush face. HBK actually comes out doing this weird running dance which tells me that he thinks this is as serious as Yurple the Clown and will probably have fun with it. Edge says that he’s your guy. Benoit in so few words says that he’s your guy because he’s made both HHH and HBK tap out. HBK gave this look that was classic DX HBK. That one face that says he’s HBK and can do anything he wants. Then HBK takes the mic and calls Edge and Benoit two great master debators. HBK says that he has a plan and that is to settle the debate right now. Edge says he’s going to spear both HBK and Benoit and takes a sick German suplex from Benoit. Didn’t Edge just come back from a neck injury? Then HBK hits the Sweet Chin Music, not on Edge, but on poor Todd Grisham who was the MC of the debate. That’ll teach you to call Jushin Liger, Justin Liger.

You know, one of my favorite sounds in the world is that little giggle before Trish Status’ entrance music comes on. Why? Because it means Trish is coming out. JR and Jerry Lawler promote the battle royal for the woman’s strap. The fans will get to vote for which outfit the women will be wearing between a nurses outfit, French Maids outfits, or school girls outfits. I’ll vote for French Maids myself. It’s Trish, Molly Holly, and Gail Kim vs. Stacy, Victoria, and Nidia. Young Gail Kim looks like an export model. Young Nidia looks like she has two air bags on her chest. Molly Holly and Stacy were in the ring together and I thought of something. They were the only two women in WWE who didn’t have breast implants. Victoria gets the pin on Gail with the Widow’s Peak. Gail sells it like she got shot.

More Snitsky. And this time, it’s personal. Lita with a straight face says that Snitsky killed her unborn son. Then she starts wailing on him before he throws her and tells her that Kane’s going to lose their match, just like Lita lost their baby. I’m telling you, WWE just loves that low brow. JR says that he hopes Kane wins. This is the same man who Kane burned only last year.

They show clips of Randy O on Jimmy Kimmel last week. Orton just looks like a star, and soon, he’ll be one of those guys like Rock who WWE always sends when they want to get good publicity. It didn’t hurt sitting next to Andy Dick. They cut to Flair looking as stoic as you can look in a sequined robe with bleached blond hair and he says he’s never been better. Woooo!

I’ve never been one to look at a man’s body and drool, but man, watching Batista walk out and do his Superstar Billy Graham poses is as close as I’ll ever come.

I’m not gay. Really I’m not. But watching Batista flex his muscles makes me shiver.

Batista comes out first flexing his muscles.

Flair and Jericho come out next and that only leaves Randy O who is much more animated than last week. That promo with Flair last week was classic. Great stuff. It’s the only match I wish I could watch tomorrow night. Flair wrestled Orton’s dad and now he gets to step in the ring and put over Randy O. The only bad thing that comes out of someone like Randy O being put in the spotlight is that guys who have been with the company for several years like Jericho get passed up. If you asked wrestling fans today who they’d rather have running after the champ, I bet Jericho would win 60 percent of the vote. But, with Orton, they see gold, and they’ll force us down his throats until he does it. Wait, I mean they’ll force him down our throats before he does it. Being that he’s good in the ring, good on the stick, and seems to have the same passion Rock had being a third generation star, I don’t have a big problem with it. While the match is in high gear, they have this clock in covering half of the bottom of the screen that counts down until the polls are open for the fans to vote. I wonder why they just didn’t wait until the show was over? I mean on American Idol, Ryno Seacrest doesn’t say in the middle of the show to start voting before everyone has finished singing. Jericho makes the hot tag to O and O goes after Flair. Jericho back in hits the bulldog on Flair and then hits his patented running off the middle rope drop kick on Batista who was outside on the apron. O goes for the RKO but Flair runs him into the ref. Jericho puts the Walls on Flair but Batista takes his head off with those luscious huge biceps. Flair makes Jericho then tap in the figure four. Great. Our Interncontinental Champ taps in a move that hasn’t caused someone to tap in 5 years. In the Orton vs. Flair match tomorrow, we get to pick the type of match. Out of the falls count anywhere match, the submission match, or the cage match, I think the cage match wins in a landslide. There’s something about a steel cage and a wrestling ring that goes together.

Vince comes out doing the grapefruit sized testicles walk. And then Christian interupts him. This should be good. Christian thanks the fans for their support and then says it has nothing to do with the voting for the Intercontinental championship. Yes, Jericho will fight whoever the fans pick from a litter of about 15 wrestlers. I chose Shelton Benjamin, but you know dickhead wrestling fans will try to vote Stevie Richards in there. Christian calls his fans the Christian Coalition and says “Vote Jericho out the door, Captain Charisma for 2004”. Then he asks McMahon to back him up. Tajiri then comes out and says that Christian is a liar and that he loves Mr. McMahon and gives him a hug. Then Christian says that he loves Mr. McMahon more. Then Coach comes out and says that he’s the man. I guess that means he’s in the litter. Coach then makes fun of Tajiri’s Japanese accent. Low brow. Now Rhyno comes out. This is getting worse by the second. Where’s Shelton when you need him? McMahon says they are acting like children and Christian says he believes children are the future before McMahon tells him to shut up. And now, the face one day, heel the other Hurricane. Finally Shelton comes out. McMahon says all six guys will be in an elimination match and the winner will get Mr. McMahon’s backing, whatever the heck that means.

Vince agrees with me that French Maid outfits would be the choice for the battle royal match. Tajiri then gets the pin on Hurricane. Rhyno pins Tajiri and then Coach before getting the pinned by Christian. It’s down to Christian and Shelton. JR and Lawler promote the Taboo Tuesday vote as an election. I wouldn’t mind seeing Shelton and Christian feud. They work well together. Shelton pins Christian with a move that really needs a name. I’m telling you, Shelton is the pick. And he gets McMahon’s endorsement. Shelton says he doesn’t give a damn about Vince’s endorsement because he just wants to impress the fans. I love that cocky babyface look. He’s got that part down more than Randy O. He just needs to work on his speaking skills. In due time, in due time.

Lilian Garcia is in the ring with Christy, the Raw Diva Search winner and Jeff Garcia’s favorite, Carmella. Carmella has a great shit eating grin. The goal here is to choose which match they will have between the Competitive Aerobics match, the Lingerie Pillow fight, and the Evening Gown match. You know, I’m all for aerobics, but I’d rather not see them sweat. And while a pillow fight could be humorously entertaining, I’m for the gown match. At least in the gown match, the fans will get to see a thong and bra. Unless it was naked aerobics. Then I might change my mind. Carmella says she wants to do the aerobics and Christy says she’ll do anything to win, even make out with Lilian. And she kissed Lilian right on the lips. Wasn’t HLA last year? Carmella hit Christy in the back of the head and walked out the ring, but Christy no sold it like Hulk Hogan sans the shake and finger point.

Next up is the main event. But first up is HHH. Randy O does Kimmel. And Triple H does “The Show” on AOLSports. What the hell is “The Show”? HBK comes out. How can you not just shake your bon bon when you hear Sexy Boy? Triple threat matches are either really good because they can keep the speed of the match up, or they can be clusters. There’s really no in between. The key to this match is that they all respect each other, but they all hate each other because they want to be voted into the slot against HHH. And you think this is fake? The main event slot draws much more money than the tag title slot. They are putting on the best show possible in order to get in that main event. I think deep down, Vince probably wants HBK to be in the match because HHH would want his buddy to get the slot, but I’m rooting for the rabid wolverine. The match is pretty good with decent heat, and most of it because Michaels sells so well. You know, my favorite part of an HBK match is just trying to see how creative he is in finding a spot for his Sweet Chin Music. Benoit had Edge in the Sharpshooter and HBK hit a nice SCM. They’ve been pushing that Edge is doing whatever it takes to win, and he pins Benoit with a roll up gone bad. He grabbed the rope and got the pin. In the end, he didn’t seem as if he had a chance to win the vote. We’ll see.

Here are my votes:

HHH’s opponent tomorrow night: Chris Benoit
Type of match for Flair vs. Randy O: Cage match
Weapon of choice for Snitsky vs. Kane: Lead pipe
Chris Jericho’s opponent: Mr. Benjamin
Loser must do what for Eugene vs. Bischoff: Wear a dress for a month
Attire for the women’s battle royal: French Maid outfits
Carmella vs. Christine: Naked Aerobic Challenge Evening Gown Match
La Resistance vs. ?: Since I picked Benoit, it’d be HBK and Edge

Go ahead and vote. You can do so until tomorrow right before bell time.

Here’s the quote again: “I’m trying to get my butt perky, and I’m trying to actually get a butt,” she said. “I have a white-girl bootie, so I’m doing all my squats to lift it a little bit and get some junk in my trunk.”

Let’s see the comments from those that didn’t get it right.

This is from none other than Celmatic himself: Edson?

Well, no, it wasn’t Edson, though he does kind of have a white-girl bootie. According to him though, he has buns of steel.

Celmatic also had another guess: George Kliedon

I’d have to say George’s ass was rather bulbous. Not him either.

From Fredo: I believe it was Shally or Catrina….

Shally or Catrina? Well Shally’s ass was as flat as a board, but you’ll have to ask Fredo about Catrina’s ass since he did smack it quite often according to him.

From The Speeddemon: Britney Spears?

From Christal: I say Britney too. I specifically remember her saying junk in the trunk.

I actually think Britney’s best asset is her apple bottom. Her breasts change size too much for me.

From the ever loving wife: Trish Stratus….

The wife knows how to get to my heart. But actually Trish Stratus’s ass might be the best ass on a white girl ever. Yes, in the history of life. You need to see it. I wrote an entire post on how mesmorizing it is.

From Chicks Dig Big D: I think it was Christina Aguilera, cause her ass isn’t too big, although it could be Jessica Simpson, since its a “blonde” statement. However, Aguilera is my guess.

Well, Big D, you should’ve went with your second guess.

The two people to get it right were Low Jones and HJ. Yes, this is the same HJ who played naked, hairy twister with Dave Meltzer

The quote is by none other than that perky singer who is going to play Daisy Duke in the new Dukes of Hazzard movie:

Jessica Simpson.

In a first of what might be many, or the only one I ever do, let’s play a game of who said this.

Here’s the first quote.

“I’m trying to get my butt perky, and I’m trying to actually get a butt,” she said. “I have a white-girl bootie, so I’m doing all my squats to lift it a little bit and get some junk in my trunk.”

Obviously, it’s someone of the pale skin color. Please submit your guesses in the comment section.

If I get more than one guess, maybe I’ll do this again.

If you want to read the full article, go to the Mercury News Online.

Elliot Almond of the San Jose Mercury News reported in today’s sports section that Gary Sheffield admitted to using steriods, albeit unwittingly. Why would someone do that when he didn’t have to? That’s my first question. But my second question would have to do with the timing of it all. The Yankess are in the playoffs and he talks to Sports Illustrated which drops the story on the eve of the playoffs?

Sheffield’s admission of guilt came with a few shots at none other than Barry Bonds. I was always under the impression that these guys were friends, but after reading Sheff’s comments, it doesn’t look like they’re exchanging Christmas cards anytime soon.

Almond writes, “Sheffield, a most valuable player candidate, said he worked with Balco and Bonds’ training team before the 2002 season at the behest of the Giants star. He described Bonds as controlling—a characterization that gives insight into one of baseball’s greatest, and most reticent, players.

Sheffield isn’t really dropping any bombshells on us with that statement. Bonds is a controlling person. I think one has to be to be that focused and that good. But by saying that he only went because Bonds wanted him to, shows that Gary should’ve probably let a little bit of Bonds’ controlling personality rub off on himself. Take some responsibility Sheff.

He also writes, “Bonds insisted that Sheffield stay at his house and not rent a car. Bonds also would not let Sheffield pay for anything.

I'm not a child,'' Sheffield said.I make $11 million. I can buy what I want.’‘

Sheffield said he was incensed when Bonds left him stranded at the house and he had to find a way to the gym one time.

Let’s see. Gary makes $11 million. He’s a grown man. And he makes his own decisions. Couldn’t he have said, “Barry, you’re very generous, but I can take care of this,”? And couldn’t Gary have rented a limo or a cab to get around? Gary did say he wasn’t a child right?

I guess the real story is that Gary admits to taking cream which according to Almond’s story is testosterone-epitestosterone concoction applied to the arms. But it’s the way he admits it that makes him look irresponsible. Almond writes, Sheffield, 35, said he told a federal grand jury in December that he used a substance identified as `cream’’ to heal leg wounds.

It was like a cortisone to heal these wounds,'' he said he told the grand jury.<br /><br />Sheffield told Sports Illustrated it was something he expected to find in a store.<br /><br />That’s what was in my thoughts,’’ he said. ``I put it on my legs and thought nothing of it. I kept it in my locker. The trainer saw my cream.’‘

I don’t know about you. But when my legs ache, I probably soak them in epsom salt. Maybe do a little bit more stretching or ride the exercise bike a little. I understand that these are professional athletes, but I have never heard of rubbing lotion on my legs as a way to heal or rejuvenate them. Maybe some heat like Ben Gay or Icey Hot, but that really masks the pain, it doesn’t heal the injury. Maybe Gary knows a little more about medication than I do, but I see his excuse as really soft. It’s almost as if he’s pissed at Bonds for giving him access to Conte and cream, even though he’s the one who put it on his legs.

It doesn’t seem as if Sheffield wants to implicate that Bonds does steriods. It’s almost as if he just wants to disassociate himself from Bonds. It seems as if someone told him that being a friend of Bonds (fob?) is not good for his image. Sheff is a great player. Definitely a guy who I’d rather have on my team. But the way he’s going about this is irresponsible and immature. I hope someone tells him that. Remember, he’s not a child.

For Who: None other than Eddy Lansang himself

For What: His 28th birthday

For When: Saturday night, October 2nd at 8:00 PM

For Why: Because Albert loves him

For Where: We’ll start out at Hooters which is located on 353 Jefferson Street in San Francisco.

Footnote: I searched for Hooters in Google and surprising enough, most of the images were really about the restaurant.

What’s Next: Really, it’s anyone’s guess. Wherever Eddy takes us, we will go. If he wants to go to a strip club, all of our wives/girlfriends will be looked at as frisky, but that’s not a bad thing. If he wants to go to a club to get his boogie on, I’m sure Hea Jin and Blake will be ok. They can pretend to sip drinks. If Eddy wants to get his drunkedness on and start making out with girls he doesn’t really know, he can. Again, Blake and Hea Jin can pretend. Just as long as they don’t pretend together. Although Eddy might look like this at the end of the night.



Let’s rejoice for the man, the myth, the Edson.