(This was originally posted on Epinions.com.)

I might’ve bought less CD’s in 2004, than I have in any year before since CD’s came out. I guess that tells you what I thought about 2004 on a whole. But having a crappy music year can make for some fun lists. Here we go.

My Favorite 5 Albums of 2004

If Alicia Key’s second joint was released about a month later, it’d be in the top five. But it wasn’t, so it didn’t count.

5. The Beautiful Struggle: Talib’s follow up to Quality was a mixed bag by most, but I loved it. I thought he did a great job at trying to stay true to his audience while branching out to sell a few albums. Did it necessarily work? Well, he didn’t sell as many albums as I’m sure he wanted to, but I still thought the CD was good.

4. The College Dropout: Hate him for being an arrogant prick now, but when Kanye West’s rookie album dropped, I thought it was genius. He was a weak MC that fooled many people into thinking he was good. He used great subject matter, soulful and catchy samples, and stayed in my CD player for the first half of the year.

3. The Tipping Point: The Roots latest joint was a serious banger. And why is it that when people talk about best MC in the game, Black Thought’s name doesn’t come up very often? Really, it’s Black Thought’s album and he shines brightly. Actually made me buy all the old Roots albums that I didn’t have. If that’s not power, I don’t know what is.

2. Confessions: Ursher, I mean Usher did it and he did it huge. The album was grown up, it had singles galore, and it was just the total package in R&B this year. To me, nothing in R&B touched it.

1. The Grind Date: I’ve never been a big De La Soul guy. I’m not sure why, but I never really had an urge to buy any of their albums. But when one of my fellow Shopping.com employees told me I had to check it out, I did and with glee. It’s the most polished hip hop album I’ve heard this year. It’s the best produced hip hop album I’ve heard this year. And it’s the most effortless piece of work I’ve heard this year.

Buy This Album

Crap That I Had To Endure As Well

I won’t even rank these albums as they are all bad in one way or another. And I’m sure I’m missing a few.

Welcome Back: At least Harlem World was fun. At least there were songs that could get radio airplay. This was pure garbage. Mase also probably gets Worst Comeback award too as he made the tiniest of splashes on the music scene when he expected to be one of the bigger stories of the year.

Tical 0: The Prequel: It was tough listening to this album. After reading all the reviews I thought, “This can’t be as bad as everyone is saying.” It wasn’t. It was worse. Sucks to see how low a priority music is to him nowadays. However, I know before the album came out, he said that what was going to be released and what he wanted to be released were two completely different albums, so I guess not all of it was his fault and label pressure can be blamed, but still, one can at least try to turn horse manure into ice cream.

To The 5 Boroughs: I’m sick of people giving the Beasties the easy way out. So what that they just make party music? So what that they’re old school? Does that mean we just turn our heads at how bad they are on the mic? At how corny their rhymes are? Now I’m not going to make it a race thing and say, “If they weren’t white …”, but if someone made that claim, I couldn’t disagree with them. I heard some of the worst rapping I’ve heard this year from this album.

Best Of Both Worlds: Unfinished Business: Let’s see. You do an album where Jay-Z and R. Kelly get together and have worse chemistry than that of the new LA Lakers. The first album had more of R. Kelly rapping than Jay-Z. It wouldn’t have been as killed in the public eye had it not been for R’s run in’s with teeny boppers. But it would’ve been close. So you decide to do a sequel? I’m not sure I get it. This album was more of the same crap that the first album was. It might’ve even been worse.

Encore: While there were good things on this album, just the places he took it merit being on this list. It’s understandable that he needs to cater to his MTV audience. Hell, they made him. But I think here, he alienated his truer audience more so than any other album he’s created. I couldn’t believe how immature the material was, and as someone who respects his talents, I felt he talked down to me. This leads me to something else.

Most Disappointing Artist

Eminem has MC Hammer before he went broke money. He’s the one rap artist that has both audiences in his back pocket. The MTV audience, and the hip hop fan audience. He could really put anything on CD and sell it like hot cakes. But rather than bring his music back to where it belongs, he continuously goes more and more pop with every album. I could see if this was his second album. But it’s his fourth. His true strength as an artist would be shown if he decided to take his music back to the pioneers and created a true hip hop record. If he did a 10 song CD with old school gritty beats and street like anthems that hip hop would be proud of, he’d sell just as many records as he did today. But more importantly he’d change the perspective of what hip hop is about. He’d change the trends. He’d change the minds of what really is good. He’d educate the masses on what the music started out as, rather than continue to bastardize it to what it is today. He has that power. Will he do it? I highly doubt it. And for that, to me, he’ll always be disappointing. This last album just adds to that.

Biggest Surprise

Fantasia was the best American Idol contestant in the history of the show. She had the most personality and was consistently the best performer. But as is the case with Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, and Clay Aiken, you expected her to come out with a horrid first album. Big Rube’s album was the worst of the three, while Clay’s album could put you to sleep, but Fantasia wasn’t going to be boxed in by her material. While it’s not a stand out album in the sense of being blown away by it, it’s very solid and that was surprising enough. She was given some very crappy material, but she made it her own. She put out an anthem for all the Baby Mama’s that was definitely pushing the envelope considering all the conservatives folks in this world, and she turned it into a gem. She gets all the props in the world for putting out an album that was destined to fail and was actually something I enjoyed.

Quote Of The Year

Ja Rule has a problem with how he’s perceived in the hip hop community. Just like Jay-Z said, “First they love you then they hate you then they love you again, the gift and the curse.” Ja Rule blew up way too fast, spit at his audience, and then now is trying to get that audience back. But this quote was just hysterical to me. He was talking about how his bubble bursted and how the same people who loved him, now hated him. He mentioned that Biggie said that the same people who will love you on the way up, will turn their backs on you on the way down. Then he said, “How can I get hated on?” How can you get hated on? Maybe selling your soul to the R&B audience got you hated on. Maybe being at J.Lo’s beck and call got you hated on. Maybe just being a bad rapper with marbles in his mouth got you hated on. Maybe just having a name which means Jeffrey Atkins Rules got you hated on. That last one would be my pick.

How Can I Get Hated On?

Song Of The Year

For me, it was simple. My Boo was as sweet as candy, and I still loved it. Usher shouldn’t deserve to be on the same mic as Alicia Keys, but I still loved it. It blew up so quickly and was on every station but I still loved it. I guess for me, that was definition enough because today, I still love it.

Artist Of The Year

It’s a pretty big deal to be compared to Michael Jackson. And this year, Usher was. Confessions deserved the hype. It was a good soulful record. It had great singles. He showed off a singing prowess that I didn’t think he had. And through it all, he didn’t show up on any sex tapes, didn’t get caught with weed, didn’t proclaim to be the baddest man on the planet, didn’t cause any beef (Bobby Brown started it and I don’t consider the Justin Timberlake thing beef), and didn’t wh*re himself out to every rapper alive. For me, it was the year of Usher.

This review was published on Epinions.com first.

I’ve started writing this review twice. I’ve tried presenting the material without a bias and I’m having a hard time doing it. Why? Well, I really just love Dave Meltzer’s work and trying to sound unbiased is simply sounding boring. So I decided, what the heck, I’m going to write this review with the well deserved bias. I’m a fan, and I guess this part of my review is a little overzealous, but that’s better than boring.

Dave Meltzer is the writer and editor of The Wrestling Observer newsletter. I have subscribed to it for the last 4 or so years. The newsletter is what can be described as an inside look at the world of professional wrestling, both inside and outside of the ring. My love for professional wrestling has been displayed throughout many of my Epinions reviews, and this is no different. But Meltzer’s newsletter has helped me grow up as a fan, giving me a different perspective and ultimately greater knowledge of the history of the business. If I did not find his newsletter, I probably wouldn’t be much of a fan today. That might be the biggest tribute I can pay him.

Speaking of tributes, that’s what his new book is all about. Tributes II: Remembering More Of The World’s Greatest Wrestlers is a great book that you wish hadn’t been written. With Dave’s love for the wrestling business, I’m sure he probably wishes he didn’t have to write it either because it meant that these wrestlers had to pass away, some far too soon. But this book is great way to say goodbye to those wrestlers. Wrestling is an odd business that is much like other entertainment fields only at lightning speed. Like rock stars, wrestling stars live a fast life, being on the road more than half of the year. And with the territory comes tragedy. Many wrestlers like Road Warrior Hawk, Mr. Perfect Curt Hennig, Davey Boy Smith, and Terry “Bam Bam” Gordy died because of the evils of the fast life. But not all of the wrestlers chronicled in Meltzer’s book died that way. Take Lou Thesz who until a few years before his death was physically strong and in better shape than people 50 years younger.

Every wrestler chronicled has a story, and Meltzer tells that story, with the ups and downs, so well. Meltzer’s writing style is journalism and not fluff. He graduated from San Jose State in Journalism as did I, though I was on the Broadcast side, and graduated several years later. He’s able to weave in so many different story arcs without leaving you with too much information and does so objectively. He tells you things about wrestlers that are pretty much standard wrestling business view points, but doesn’t force them down your throat. For instance, the Road Warriors were a huge draw, and the most famous tag team of my era, but they were bad technically in the ring. As a kid, you don’t notice this. Watching Hawk and Animal kick butt and take names on television made them icons. But I had no idea that they were stiff with their opponents in a business where you need to protect your opponents. I had no idea that they were technically so bad in the ring. Dave tells you the inside view on the Warriors, but then tells you how they changed the wrestling business forever.  They may not have been as important from a true athletic perspective, but because of them, more bodybuilder types were introduced to wrestling and specifically tag team wrestling.

Lou Thesz is maybe the best shoot style wrestler of all time, but he also at times hurt business with his mentality that winning was everything even in a worked business because perception was key to Lou. He wanted everyone to know that he was the best, and it was important to him for the fans to know that no one could take him. And he only wanted to lose to guys with true athletic backgrounds. Dave gives you all of this and then lets you make your own distinction about what you wanted of that person. None of it is forced upon you. But at the same time, you feel like you’re getting the best perspective of each individual as possible and that Meltzer’s research, which he himself says takes at least 7-10 days to accrue before each story, gives you the most inside look possible at each wrestler. That’s key, especially for die hard wrestling fans. Meltzer also says that for most of the subjects, he has the story in his head, but needs to research to fill in the rest of the details.

Those of us who think we know it all because of newsletters like Meltzer’s The Wrestling Observer feed off factual information. We feed off Dave’s viewpoints and take them as gospel and then regurgitate them with our friends. But this book is not only for those who aspire to know professional wrestling inside and out. Most of my friends know who Miss Elizabeth is. But after they grew out of wrestling and lost touch had no idea that she passed away albeit as tragically as she did. Those old fans will also be entertained by this book. Meltzer’s ability to be a story teller as well as stay on point journalistically are the strong points of the book. He tells the stories in a way that both die hard wrestling fans hungry for facts and infinite information will love, as well as fans who were never as close to the business. The stories are technically biographies, but aren’t drawn out to the point where the information becomes boring and needless to the reader.

Each story is interesting. As big of a wrestling fan as I am, I wasn’t necessarily all that interested in reading about certain guys that I wasn’t a huge fan of as a child, or never watched because they were before my time. Guys like Wahoo McDaniel, Johnny Valentine, The Sheik, and Freddie Blassie. But in the end, I was much more impressed at how their stories came across rather than that of the younger generation of stars who passed before they should’ve because of the history involved. Wrestling was a lot different in the days of Valentine and McDaniel. There was a WWF (WWWF actually), but it was only one territory of many, not like the WWE is today, basically the only real show in town. And even in the stories of wrestlers like Gorilla Monsoon and Tim Woods, who seemed like regular guys compared to the rest of the workers, Meltzer was able to grab certain tidbits of information to make them as interesting as the rest.

All of these biographies were written first in The Wrestling Observer and then put together in book form. I have actually read each and every one of these save for the Owen Hart and Andre The Giant chapters in the Observer. Also included is a “shoot” DVD with Dave’s honest thoughts on certain questions about each wrestler involved in his book.

In the end, you have one of the best wrestling books I’ve ever read. It has enough story telling and factual information to keep anyone with a pulse reading and because there are 15 actual biographies, there are natural start and stop points for the reader. One of the impressive things about it is that the foreward is written by Bret Hart. Bret’s brother Owen and father Stu are both chronicled in this book. Bret tells a funny story of when he actually met Meltzer and Meltzer told him of a change in the storylines before Hart even heard it from Vince McMahon. And sure enough, it soon then became true. Bret actually talks about how he despised Meltzer before he met him and then trusted Meltzer with his side of the most infamous wrestling story in years and maybe of all time. It was known as the Montreal screwjob and Bret talks about how he went to Meltzer with his side of the story about how Vince McMahon screwed him in his last match ever in WWF/WWE. He went to Meltzer because he wanted the largest audience possible for his story, even though he had a little apprehension. But the final story turned out to be very much to his liking.

I decided to add the information below. I sent a few questions to Dave in email format and the summary of his answers are below.

Meltzer says that this book was edited to his liking, which makes it different from his first Tributes book which he says was not edited to his liking. He also says that he believes there will be enough information for a possible third book in the next five years, but it’s really up to publishing’s view of wrestling fans as to whether he believes one would be released. He says that before Mick Foley’s Have A Nice Day was released, the perception was that wrestling fans couldn’t read and that he’d have written some successful books in the 90’s had that not been the case. I also asked him if he’s ever been asked to write any wrestler’s biographies and said that he has, but never had the time to do it, because of his newsletter.

Continue Reading »

GG: Ready for the movement test?

Albert: Meh?

GG: I’ll show you some pictures, and you tell me if there’s any movement.

Albert: Dude, she announces when she’s “dropping off some kids…”, in the toilet…

Albert: Only movement is vomit up my throat…

GG: So I’ll take that as a no.

GG: What about this one?

GG: Last one.

Albert: I just nutted in my pants…

Continue Reading »

I usually hate these but my buddy, The Speedy Demon posted his and it seemed fun. Plus my wife complains that all my posts are about “fantasy” stuff, and she likes it when I post more personal things.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1) Garrett (though I prefer handsome)
2) G
3) GG (the wife calls me G-Money sometimes, and no I’m not joking)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1) roheblius
2) roheblius316
3) brwalsh (back in the Prodigy days, and yes, it stands for Brandon Walsh)

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1) I make very good looking kids
2) I can type faster than I can write
3) The fact that I can do the People’s Eyebrow

The People’s Eyebrow

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1) At times way too prideful
2) At times way too competitive
3) That I don’t always communicate perfectly with the wife

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1) Mexican
2) Japanese
3) Okinawan (that’s a joke for the Nakamotos)

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1) Masculine women
2) Confident women
3) Non-handsome women

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1) Ice Breakers (mints)
2) Sports page
3) Wrestling websites

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1) That Livestrong rubber bracelet
2) Contacts
3) Hair lotion

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR ARTISTS:
1) Michael Jackson
2) Tupac
3) Jay-Z

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1) “Fall Again” by MJ
2) “No” by De La Soul
3) “Re-Write The Memories” by New Edition

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1) Piano (though I’ve been saying this for three years)
2) Ring of Honor (those in the “know” will know)
3) A MAC

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1) Kindness
2) Thoughtfulness
3) Hyooooooooooooge knockers

Ok, who am I kidding? I just want the wife to cook dinner once in a while and to put the cereal away.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1) I have a non-homo crush on Batista (actually, is there anything other than a homo crush on a guy)
2) I hate sleeping.
3) Steve Sanders was my favorite character on Beverly Hills 90210.

The Man, The Myth, The Batista

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE SAME SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1) Batista’s muscles
2) Batista’s hair
3) Batista’s glutes

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN’T DO:
1) Balance my checkbook
2) Enjoy the nuances of having a wife with a guttermouth
3) Not try to sing when I hear Real American by Rick Derringer (aka the Hulk Hogan song)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1) Watching wrestling
2) Reading about wrestling
3) Writing about wrestling

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1) Go to Target
2) Finish answering these damn questions
3) Eat lunch

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING:
I actually have to preface this statement by saying, “If I win the lottery …”
1) College DJ
2) Teacher and coach
3) Stay at home Dad

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1) Hawaii
2) Neverland
3) Disney World

THREE KID’S NAMES:
1) Brandon
2) Tiger
3) Rock

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1) Play the piano
2) Do play by play
3) Finish writing Low Jones. But I have a feeling the odds are on the other two.

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR DIE PAINFULLY:
1) Celmatic
2) Wilfredo
3) Big D

What started out as the worst season of Survivor ever, ended with a great final 5 or so weeks and then an anticlimatic finale. But it’s usually the way it ends. However, there were many really good things that happened last night.

Here’s a top ten highlights countdown from last night’s Survivor’s Three Hour Finale.

10. Chris played a perfect game to the point of getting everyone he talked to to fall hook, line, and sinker. What amazed me is how he could talk to both sides with such a straight face, making him one of the best reality “actors” of all time. This man needs to be in movies. It is said that in order to be a true villain, you have to be able to make yourself believe that your lies are real truths. I think he truly believed in his own lies. The way he had Eliza going at the end was classic. Even though I felt for her, she believed that he was 100% in her favor. That’s a classic villain.

9. When Scout called out Chris as a BS’er, the wife and I damn near laughed out loud. I think he had most people with his insensitive apologies until she said that. Even Julie, who I thought was a smart cookie was won over by his overly dramatic, underly sensitive apology. Though I didn’t like Scout the entire season, she won me over with her intuitive BS meter.

8. One of the things I look most forward to on the finale is that you actually get to see what everyone looks like when they get the chance to prepare themselves for television. Julie and Eliza looked hot! But I was most surprised with Lee Ann. During the show, she and Ami were constantly together. It was like the busty Playboy Playmate (Ami really did post back in her day) and her poor skinny fried hair friend. But when she had the chance to prepare herself, I thought she looked better than the busty Playboy Playmate.

7. You got to see real insecurities in the end. Julie showed how young she really is with her cry baby scene at the end. She wasn’t really the hot sexpot that she was portrayed to be, showing her ass while sunbathing, using her sexuality to get her further in the game with the fellas. She seemed to be all of fifteen years old at the last Tribal Council when she said that she really thought Chris was her big brother. She thought all of this while knowing him for a month? But, she’s still hot.

6. This wasn’t necessarily a show highlight, but something that is just so dumb, it needs to be brought up. Why does host Jeff Probst have to sky dive with the final votes? Does the Survivor demographic just love sky diving? Is it Jeff’s one special talent that he needs to show off? I mean I’d rather see any one of the girls sky dive in their bikinis with the votes rather than Jeff. I don’t get that one and never will.

5. Sarge’s lack of understanding of anything other than moral code is just mystifying to me. How has he lived in this world otherwise? And watching him backpeddle when Jeff called him out for being over the top self righteous was priceless. I think he may have stuttered 5 times in one sentence.

4. Chris lying didn’t only affect the other castmates. The man lied to his wife too! He led her to believe that she helped him lose and thus get kicked off the island. The man’s lying knows no bounds.

3. Eliza, just in general. She was my favorite player. She reminded me of my own wife (talks a lot, doesn’t take BS from old folks, and just has a great smile) and I thought she played the game great. When she lost, I didn’t care who won. I’m a sucker, whatever.

2. Twila’s mullet on the live show. Enough said. I can’t find a picture of this hair do anywhere on the net. Not even in Twila’s Yahoo Group and yes, such a thing exists. I’m not kidding. Go ahead. Click. If anyone has a copy of a picture of one of the greatest mullets in history, please send it to my email address.

1. I think if Twila won, her final speech would’ve been the greatest moment in Survivor history. Yes, better than when Sue the truck driver let out her venom in season one. Yes, better than when the two girls dropped trow entirely. Yes, better than Rob and Amber getting married. Wait, that was the worst moment in Survivor history. But Twila’s speech which consisted of, “I’m Twila, and that’s the way I am,” meant so much because of how Chris tried to get her to think that he wasn’t going to take any crap from the cast-offs. I actually thought Chris’ fake, ass kissing, “I didn’t play the game right, and I only did it for the million dollars” speech lost the game for him. If I was in the jury, I would’ve changed my vote. I think if Eliza (what’s worse, someone calling you spoiled or someone putting the knife in your back) and Julie actually saw Chris for what he was, Twila would’ve won. But because of their immaturity and negligence in seeing who played the game better, they voted with emotion and really came off looking bad. Twila was mean. She was no nonsense. She was a bad liar. She looked like a man. Yes, she was all of this. But she was this way the entire game. She didn’t play the game with her fingers crossed behind her back like Chris did.

Update: Thanks to the great Shelly T, we now have a picture of that great mullet.

The Mullet

I’m spoiled. My wife is spoiled. My kids are spoiled. What the heck else do I need in my life? Probably not much. My wants are excessive at times, though never at the expense of my needs. Yes I do want the iMac G5. Yes I do want a full year subscription to the Wrestling Observer. Yes I do want the new Lebron’s and Air Jordan XIII retros. But, they are not necessary. At least not yet.

Why am I telling you this? Well, I saw one of those huge Christmas trees in the mall. The ones with all the name tags of children who aren’t as lucky as mine and who won’t have all the excess that is Christmas nowadays. It made me think. Why are there so many inter-office gift exchanges? Why are there so many white elephant gift exchanges? Can I possibly buy my rich boss something for $20 that he can’t buy for himself? Or should I use that money to buy a gift for a child who won’t have tons of gifts under the tree? I chose the latter. A few of my fellow employees liked the idea and I think we’re going to do it.

If you can spare $15 for Christmas this year, you should. But if you don’t want to go the mall route, there’s a website that does it for you. It’s even less personal than the way I’m doing it, but it’s an alternate way. You can go to the Family Giving Tree website and give through their website. I believe all the gifts are $24.95, since they round it off and add $5 for shipping and handling. It’s not like all of a sudden, I’m on this giving trip. I just think the mass commercialization of what Christmas has become has made me feel this way. Having to buy things for the already rich just doesn’t sit well with me when there are a ton of kids without gifts. As is receiving things from people when I know I don’t need anything.

I’m happy with Christmas. I’m happy that my kids will be happy. But I’ll also be happy by hopefully making someone else’s kid happy. And Santa can even get all the credit.

A couple months ago, I posted on my other blogger, my top 10 favorite television shows of all time. So it wouldn’t be much of a mystery if I decided to write about the best TV show ever if I already proclaimed which was my favorite would it? Well, let’s just say I changed my mind. The Cosby Show has a special place in my heart. My dad started recording them all in 1985, and I continued until the end of it’s run. We only missed some of the first season as well as some of the final season. But the rest are on tape. What are we going to do with them? I have no idea, but if we ever want to rewatch Bill Cosby do his Ray Charles imitation singing Night And Day, we can. If we ever want to watch Danny Kaye as Cliff’s dentist, we can. But it’s not the best. Different Strokes was an awesome show that gave us Arnold and Willis Jackson, two street kids who went from the ghetto to the penthouse. My kids think this show is hilarious as I did back in my youth. But it’s not the best. Martin was that edgy show that gave us a young and raw Martin Lawrence at his best, stretching the boundaries of what you could do on television. Martin even said the word “motherfu**er” on television. Well, he actually gritted it through his teeth. I’m not sure how that didn’t get censored. But it’s not the best either. What about James Jr. better known as JJ Evans and his antics on the show Good Times? Kid Dynamite or rather Kid Dy-no-mite actually played the dumb humor behind what was a great show about social commentary in our world in the 70’s. As great as it was, it’s still not the best. So what is the best? Well, I’m going to get reamed for saying this, but none other than Beverly Hills 90210.

Why 90210??

That is everyone’s question. How can a show that dealt with young rich kids in Beverly Hills with zero problems that weren’t drawn upon by themselves be the best show? There were no great lessons learned, no witty satirical humor, no award winning performances (though the acting at times could be quite good). Nope. But the show was cool. When you’re in your teen years, and into early adulthood, and then college, cool is possibly the most important thing ever. Does anyone remember the smart dude who aced his SAT? Well, ok, maybe you do. But not for the same reasons that you remember the dude who pulled up the Mustang with the hot chick under his arm. Where’s that guy today? Probably nowhere, but that’s not the point. We’re talking teen years. Cool is the rule. And sometimes bad is bad. The show had possibly the coolest cast ever ensembled for a program with a teenage demographic. You wanted James Dean. Enter Luke Perry as Dylan McKay. You want the blond bombshell. Enter Jennie Garth as Kelly Taylor. You want smart and do gooder. Enter Jason Priestly as Brandon Walsh. The crazy brunette who throws a wrench into everything? Shannon Doherty as Brandon’s twin sister Brenda. And of course you had other kids playing supporting roles like the last virgin in high school and young and trying to fit in nerd who becomes one of the cool guys as her boyfriend. You had the brain who could go to any college she wanted. And get this. SHE’s the one who becomes pregnant first. And you had sex, drugs, and rock and roll. What else could you ever want in a show?

In the first couple seasons, they did deal with teenage things such as giving away birth control pills and whether it was right to do so, or whether it would promote more premarital sex. And throughout the course of the show, there were definitely some great plotlines. Were there horrendous ones? Sure. Kelly being a cokehead. Kelly getting shot in Hawaii when she looked a good 6 months pregnant. Just the whole first year of Dylan’s comeback. If you just erased that entire plotline, the show would’ve been better off.

So many people were introduced to your tube by that show. I can think of three right off the bat. The first was a young Matthew Perry who Brandon worried had committed suicide. What about Jessica Alba as a young teenage mother who left her baby on a doorstep, and wanted the child back after learning that two gay men were going to adopt her child? Vivica A. Fox played the daughter of “that black family” in Beverly Hills. Vivica and Brandon didn’t immediately hit it off as they got into a car accident during their first introduction. Even though it wasn’t the first time we saw Vivica on TV, it was right before she started doing movies.

Memorable Episodes

I didn’t watch the show during it’s first season, at least during the first run. The way I got to watch the show is because Fox did something pretty interesting. They ran the first season, and then ran the second season in the summer (I’m almost sure this happened). So I actually watched the second season first. Actually, it could’ve simply been a continuation of the first season. Whatever. Anyway, my first memorable episode was the first time someone died on the show. David Silver’s best buddy was Scott Scanlon. They were inseperable. But when young David charmed (not out of her pants) Donna to the point of him joining her group of friends, someone got left behind. That someone was Scott Scanlon. The day was Scott’s birthday. The place was his house. Young David was at odds. He wanted to go to Scott’s birthday, but was embarrassed because his new group of friends wouldn’t think it was cool. Peer pressure! But then the crew decided to go, only that this wasn’t a real teenage party, but more so a kid’s party. His new pals were underwelmed and David was frustrated. He finally had a chance to hang with his old buddy Scott, until Scott decided to pull out a gun and twirl it around on his finger. And you know the rest. Yes, Scott was dead, and David didn’t have to continue to diss him any longer. The guilt.

Most of the good episodes seemed to be continuations of long driven storylines. The best story telling of the entire series was the continuation of a long storyline about Dylan getting revenge for his father’s death (which turned out to be false, but we’ll forget that ever happened). It culminated with the most gut wrenching and emotional episode ever, which was the wedding between Dylan and the prettiest girl ever in TV history, Toni played by Rebecca Gayheart (also known as the Ivory soap girl). She was still pristine as this was before she started running over people with her car. And soon thereafter, her death by the hands of her own father’s hitmen. Here’s the play by play and if you’re scoring at home, both Dylan and her father lost.

- Dylan knew her father had something to do with his father’s death.
- Dylan used her to get to him.
- Dylan fell for her.
- She was perfect for him.
- Dylan threatened her father.
- Father was a very bad guy.
- You know he was bad when he went only by last name (Marchette)
- That name still gives me goose bumps.
- Dylan thought he himself was bad.
- Father thought Dylan was driving one night.
- It was Toni in Dylan’s car.
- Bang bang.
- Biggie and Tupac all over again.
- Poor Toni was dead.
- Dylan’s wife was dad.
- Marchette’s daughter was dead.
- Most heart wrenching episode of all time.
- I think I almost cried.

That was the apex of the show. It couldn’t get any better. And it was Luke Perry’s swan song. Supposedly the next year, we were going to get the “Dylan’s dad is really alive even though his car blew up with him in it” storyline, but when Luke left, so did that storyline. By then, Brenda was already gone. I think Brenda was a great character, who was the outcast in the beginning, but oh so very Beverly Hills snob in the end. But Shannon Doherty’s true life personality got too much into her character. Brenda wasn’t even likeable anymore. When Dylan and Brenda broke up and she went to London with Donna, and Dylan and Kelly started making out on the beach 24/7, did anyone really want him to pick Brenda over her? And I didn’t even mention her making out in London with Reeeeeeeeek, the modern day Superman, played by Dean Cain.

In one of those moments that never seems to happen in sports, a great star was replaced with a legend. Who replaced Magic Johnson? Nick Van Exel? What about Larry Bird? He handed the mantle to the late Reggie Lewis. What about Steve Young? Jeff Garcia. While all those players were good in their own right, they couldn’t better the great player before them. That didn’t happen here. When Brenda left the show, in came the very voluptious, naughty, bitchy, but oh so damn sexy, Valerie Malone, played by Tiffany Amber-Theisen who we all remember from Saved By The Bell. Brenda was great. She was a damn good character. Even posed for Playboy while the show was still going on so you know she had it. But she couldn’t touch Valerie with a ten foot pole. She was the hottest POA (short for piece of you know what) in the history of the show. You can take your Kelly’s, your Clare’s, your post boob job Donna, your Gina Kincaid, even your post delivery Janet, and for a full time cast member, nobody touched Valerie Malone. It seemed as if she gained about 30 pounds from her Saved By The Bell fame and it all went to her breasts and ass.

Hellllloooooo

The Music

I think the music played a big part in how good this show was. They had early teeny bopper pop music at a time when it wasn’t all that trendy to do so. Jeremy Jordan? Alright. Who doesn’t remember that? Traci Spencer. Remember her? And then as the show started to get a little longer in the tooth, they had actual music guests play at the Peach Pit After Dark which was the night club that it seemed everyone owned at one time. First it was Steve. Then it was Dylan. Then it was Valerie, who I think lost it, and then David, who nearly went bankrupt and borrowed money from thugs who would’ve kicked his ass if Noah didn’t save him. But then Noah was humping his ex-girlfriend, so he wasn’t too pleased at the time. Then Noah owned the club. I don’t even remember who had it at the end. Maybe Nat came back and took over. Not really sure. I remember The Cardigans singing that one trendy song at the club. Luther Vandross preformed. Brian McKnight. Babyface. And I’m sure if they had the musicians on in 1990, Bell Biv Devoe would’ve performed. Might’ve saved their career as a group had they done so. But that wasn’t the best part of the music. The best part was that they actually used it as a vehicle to sell music from one of the actors. Enter Ray Pruitt. Remember Jamie Walters? Ok, maybe I’m the only one who liked Hold On and How Could I Talk To An Angel. But the man had a damn good voice. And he came into the show as this dumb construction worker (how’s that for not playing to stereotypes). He ended up being Donna’s man and trying to get his music career started. And see, this is where the character depth comes in. Not only was he a poor fledging musician, he also had a temper. His temper was so bad, he actually threw Donna down a flight of stairs. This was after she loved his music. Ok, so there were two of us. Finally Donna dumped him, he got help for his anger, had a very Asian girlfriend, and then left the show.

Before Ray even came on the show, young David Silver was a budding musician himself. Steve managed him and he cut a bubble gum hip hop record that was awful. He also got screwed out of a record deal. And during the time when Donna and Brenda went to London, he hooked up with Nikki, played by the great Dana Barron and Nikki understood the music thing. She felt it. But she also wanted young David’s flute, if you know what I mean. Kelly caught young David and Nikki fooling around, but promised not to tell Donna. Of course Donna eventually figured it out, but this was all about the music. Every so often whenever they couldn’t think of anything to do with young David’s character, they’d bring music back into it. Finally, he caught a break and cut a demo that turned out to be the greatest 90210 song of all time called, Keep It Together. He wrote the song for Donna way back when and all of a sudden he got that music itch again and told Valerie it was for her. He shelved the song until he was working with a band called Jasper’s Law. By the way it just took me about 10 minutes to find the actual name of that band. The IMDB 90210 message board didn’t even have it. I found it here for anyone interested. There could be one or two interested. Anyway, the band kicks out the lead singer because he’s racist and good old David steps in to sing lead. Keep It Together ends up being on like 8 episodes in a row and I’m so surprised that it wasn’t released as a real live single considering Brian Austin Green actually did release an album, though it was very poser Pharcyde hip hop. Believe me, they never released it. I’ve looked. Everywhere. Ok, moving on. Finally, David gets the recording contract and it’s the old, it’s either you or nothing. The band wasn’t allowed. Hey, even Ritchie Valens had to go through that. And then they broke up from what I remember.

The Downfall

I think people really think the big downfall was when Dylan and Brenda’s characters left. However, the show did get better in my opinion after they did. The reason? The focus was now on one man and one man only. Sir Jason Priestly, known for the rest of his life as Brandon Walsh. Possibly the greatest young TV actor of his time (even though he was in his late 20’s at the time), he carried the show on his back. He was the show stopper. The main event. And he did it for several years while also directing the show for a season or two. However, I think the show hit it’s real downfall during the Kelly and Brandon storyline. Ok, which one right? There was the Kelly and Brandon and Dylan love triangle where Kelly chose herself and dumped both guys. And this was after Brandon gave her a ring. All Dylan gave her was a trip around the world. Cheap bastard. Then they finally hooked back up. It was inevitable. He’d been with every girl the show introduced. Even his teacher Lucinda. She became a cokehead. And he always called her Kell. Never Kelly. Finally, they were back on track. Moved into the Walsh house after Jim and Cindy left and they were the power couple. That is until he cheated on her. And he did it with some floozy who was one of Kelly’s favorite writers, Emma Bennett (that name I found on IMDB). Emma wanted Brando so bad. And who wouldn’t? After he had sex with her, he felt guilty, tried to end it, and she taped him saying that the sex was good but he couldn’t do it anymore. And she gave that tape to Kelly. That bitch! Kelly loved Brandon, but couldn’t trust him, so what’s a guy to do, but to propose again. And this time she accepted. Unfortunately for Brando, he didn’t want to, but it made her happy. And they were set to be married. Here’s where the problems ensued. Marriage storylines always suck because either you get disppointed by the wedding not happening or you limit the storylines by having two people finally married. But I could’ve written this thing much better. Brando gets cold feet, but still shows up. Kelly is worried, but she’s dedicated to him. They get married. On the honeymoon they both express their worried feelings for each other and decide to get it annulled. But rather than screw up their honeymoon, they spend it like the married do and she ends up pregnant. Back together again. And the marriage and future parenthood ensues, for a couple who are not in love. Just think of the options you have there. Instead we get, hey, we both aren’t in love with each other, we just invited 200 people to our wedding, let’s just call it off, but still have the party and end up as friends. Blah! That killed the show. That single moment there killed it for a lot of people. I’ve had people tell me that they were die hards until the wedding didn’t go through. Then it turned them off.

After BWalsh, The End Of An Era

For me, Brandon saved it. He was the man. Now he’s just the myth and the legend. Once he finally left the show to become a newspaper reporter in Boston, my love for the show left. They brought in someone else to be with Kelly, one Matt Durning who was an attorney. But he was just a bad actor. Irritatingly bad. One episode, he took a hit of acid or some drug on accident and he was the worst drugged up guy I’d ever seen. Rather than act like he was on drugs, he acted like he sucked on a helium balloon. One of the hardest episodes to watch ever. And in the end, the writers knew this and wrote in every script that Dylan had to one up him everytime.

At least the last episode ever sort of saved it. Matt and Kelly were to get married. Here we go again right? Matt feels the need to raise the family of his now dead brother. She’s against it. She doesn’t want to go. He’s going. To be the dad to his nephew. But the wedding isn’t entirely called off. Young David and Donna get married on the spot instead, finally getting back together again. Dylan and Kelly were together once Matt left (damn she moved fast) and they lived happily ever after.

To The End

Like almost all shows, the last season was so hard to watch. It got to the point where the wife and I started to make plans on 90210 day because we were so disinterested. You know it gets bad when you can call just about every next move of each character. Why? Because they just decided to repeat everything from the first 9 seasons in the last one. And this is from a couple who used to schedule 90210 as date night. I think the wife was so surprised when she met me that I was so into the show because I went over her house to study while she watched the show and both studied and intently watched at the same time. Aced the test, impressed the babe, and the rest they say is history.

To Steve Sanders, Andrea Zuckerman, Emily Valentine, Brandon’s two brunette girlfriends whose names have escaped me, Donna’s football player boyfriend Joe, Nat’s ex-girlfriend/wife, Munce, and the gay guy who was on the football team who trusted Kelly with his in the closet secret, I didn’t mention you in my piece. To those people, I apologize.

Brandon Walsh. The man who saved television. Has a nice ring to it.

90210, best … show … ever…