Today, we’ve decided to get the band back together and watch some wrestling. What was usually a monthly deal, has now turned into a once every few months deal. The last time we got together was for the ECW PPV and we did it at Young Randall’s house. We’re back at my pad this time for SummerSlam since we’re also going to record a postgame SummerSlam version of Wrestlecast. You can’t hate on Wrestlecast.
There was a cool package that pushed the main event hard. Though it was quite laughable because most of the Shawn Michaels video pretty much looked like him today, sans a little bit of hair, but most of the Hogan video was late 80’s and early 90’s, and the man doesn’t look like that guy anymore. But I’m still excited to see the main event. The build up was incredible, save the for the change in who HBK was calling out when he called out Bret Hart last week. On paper, the show looks above average, but I’m worried that many of these matches won’t get the time they need, but with the workers involved, it should be a good show.
As for the PPV food items, looks like we’re having Cactus Jim’s turkey lasagna, HJ and Young Randall are bringing chicken wings, and I made (well, not exactly) a salad and bought some garlic bread. What did Eddy bring? Himself. Actually, himself and 10 dollars.
The first match for tonight’s show is one of Eddy’s favorites, Orlando Jordan defending against one rabid wolverine alright, Christopher Benoit. Now if the world were fair, Benoit would probably win in about 30 seconds. OJ (as Orlando will now be known by here) came out to some music I’ve never heard in my life and the crowd who were rabid for the wolverine acted like they were at a funeral. Well, the world is very fair at this moment. Benoit beat him in about 30 seconds with a crossface.
Eddie is in the back with his real life wife and she schools him and says it’s not about young Dominick. It’s about hurting Rey. She then tells him the Eddie she knows wouldn’t hurt Rey like this. Then he tells her to vamanos.
This is where creative tells Matt Hardy that soon, they will no longer have anything for him. This is where creative tells Matt that soon enough, they’ll get him back for him shooting on them. This is where Johnny Ace says “look, we were really kidding, we didn’t want you that much.” Of course, unless Matt wins. If someone puts on a headlock in this match, I might be angry. Edge hit a sweet spear through the ropes while Matt was standing on the apron outside. Lita is starting to look female. Maybe it’s because she curled her hair. Hardy is now busted open. I wondered if we were going to see blood this early because we still have Batistsa and JBL in a match where there are no holds barred. Hardy was bleeding so profusely that the referee ended the match and gave it to Edge. The crowd subsequently booed and I believe one Matt Hardy has a ticket headed to Florida after tonight. Though they did show a replay of a kick where Edge basically hit him with the heel of his boot right in the side of the head.
Next is The Custody Of Dominick Ladder match. Yes, that’s what they called it. Tazz just said he is pulling for Rey. They show Dominick in the first row all serious and sad. And then right behind him is some guy doing Hogan poses. Disgusting. Rey kissed Dominick on the head and Tazz said he just got goose bumps. Michael Cole just said he adopted both of his sons. Both sons looked at each other and said, “I told you we were adopted!” I’m just guessing that happened. Eddie had the briefcase in his hands but Rey punched him right in the nachos. Eddie did the sunset flip powerbomb but forgot to grab Rey on the way down and it was slightly botched. Eddie sandwiched Rey between the ladders. They went to Dominick to look at his expression, and it stayed the same. Very concerned. Rey back body dropped Eddie onto a ladder that was stacked diagonal against the ladder and Eddie and Rey almost died. Dominick is very concerned. A very concerned Dominick tried to push Eddie off the ladder and Eddie scolded him and told him to give him a hug. Then he wanted to punch Dominick but Rey saved him. Then Rey gave Eddie a 619 into the ladder. Then he hit the spring board leg drop off the top rope onto a ladder which was on Eddie. This match is off the chain. Rey is hanging from the briefcase and Eddie powerbombed him. Cactus Jim just said that this was a good ladder match. I don’t think Rey is going to be able to play with Dominick tonight. Eddie trapped Rey under the ladder and was going up but Rey rocked the ladder enough to make him fall. Eddie just completed his “Three Amigos” suplex with the last one on the ladder. Rey Mysterio’s spine, meet the ladder. Mrs. Guerrero just entered the ring and Eddie is telling her to go home. She pushed him off the ladder in the worst ever case of marriage bliss I’ve ever seen. Even worse, as Rey went up the ladder, Eddie went after Rey, and Mrs. Guerrero put a crossface on Eddie so Rey could grab the briefcase. Dominick is back with his Papi. But Mrs. Guerrero might get the silent treatment all week.
Chris Jericho says that John Cena is going to be a one time wonder, much like Andrew Shue. Jericho says that Cena is no Rock or Austin.
Eugene dear boy with Christy is up next for the match with Kurt Angle. If the world is fair, Kurt Angle wins in about 2 minutes. Let’s see if lightning can strike twice. Eugene went to shake Kurt’s hand and Kurt slapped him right in the face. Eugene hits a spinebuster on Angle and went for the people’s elbow and Kurt just clotheslined him out of his boots. The crowd is cheering Kurt and booing Eugene dear boy. Eugene hit the Rock Bottom and Kurt barely kicked out at 2. Eugene then hits the stunner, and thankfully, Kurt kicks out again at 2. He puts the ankle lock, but Angle gets out of it, hits the Angle Slam, puts on the ankle lock and Eugene taps and he taps quickly. Kurt stands on a chair and makes the referee put the gold medals around his neck one more time.
The bathing suit Divas were washing a limo that Vince was in and he said, “Why not?” They panned to a bumper sticker that said McMahon for President. Well, Arnold was a steroid abuser and he’s governor.
The Undertaker slowly comes to the ring. And I mean slowly. Randy O poses slowly. And I mean slowly. I just noticed. Randy O might have the best side headlock in the business. Undertaker just put a keylock on Randy O. Daniel Puder just smiled brightly from his living room. For the rest of this match I was eating Cactus Jim’s turkey lasagna. But the match was really good and Orton won after hitting an RKO from nowhere after Father Orton Jr. came into the ring in disguise. I was proud of the Undertaker.
Cena vs. Jericho is next. Whoever taught Cena how to punch should have their wrestling trainer’s license taken away. Jericho just hit a reverse spinning ass kick. Really, he hit him with his ass. Cactus Jim just commented on Jericho’s nice sparkly tights. I think Jericho is frustrated. Cena seems to be in the wrong place at all times. Jericho just hit a drop kick on Cena from the apron. Jericho just hit a sweet superplex. Jericho ducked on Cena’s shoulder block. Cena hit a leg drop from the top rope as Jericho was coming back into the ring. Jericho reversed the FU into a DDT. What started as a crappy match has turned into a decent little match. There’s a “let’s go Cena/let’s go Jericho” competing chant. I was worried that Jericho was going to turn himself face here. But we’re not in Canada. Cena just threw his 14th clothesline of the match. Cena went for the 5 knuckle shuffle, only for Jericho to put him in the Walls. Cena reached the rope after about a minute. And the crowd has almost completely turned on Cena at this point. Jericho hit a back suplex from the top for a near fall. Cena hit the FU out of nowhere to win the match, and all of a sudden, the crowd was back with him, but not as loudly as you’d expect.
Batista vs. JBL is next. Washington D.C. definitely loves them some Batista. Well, it is his hometown. Double J just said that Batista was wearing silver chonies. They aren’t even in the ring. They never made it there. Batista just speared JBL through the barricade. JBL grabbed a leather belt and hit Batista with it and then yelled at him, “No holds barred!” He must’ve liked that movie. Joan Severance is alive somewhere smiling. Dusty Rhodes would be happy with all the plundering in this match. Batista hit the Demon Bomb on JBL and didn’t cover him. Then he powerbombed him on the steps. Wow! And he got the pin. Let’s just say they booked this match entirely to get Batista over. Batista looked like the man tonight. Big Dave Batista then posed until I thought the veins were going to pop out of his neck.
Now it’s time. Icon vs. Legend. Hulkamania vs. HBK. The greatest lockerroom politician vs. the second greatest lockerroom politician. Hogan knows best vs. Mr. I lost my smile. If anything, it is going to be at least entertaining. They just repeated the sweet package that they ran in the pregame show. They have a good 15-20 minutes left for this match. Where’s Bret Hart? Just kidding. They locked up and Hogan threw him back into the corner. A “you screwed Bret” chant has already started. Michaels is channelling his inner Terry Funk, Ric Flair, Roddy Piper and Randy Savage in this match. He’s bumping like a mad man. Michaels slapped Hogan twice, rammed him into the turnbuckle and then choopping him 3 times just to get reversed into the corner and dumped from the apron. Michaels is finally on the offense and has busted Hogan wide open. If the ref doesn’t stop this match, Matt Hardy is a pussy. I wonder what Linda Hogan is thinking. Cactus Jim just called the sleeper spot exactly 3 seconds before it happened. But no back rake yet. JR said that Hogan is getting weaker by the heartbeat. Hogan shook the finger and broke the sleeper with a back suplex. Hogan gigged himself well. It looks like a crime scene in the ring. It’s elbow time as Shawn just nipped up. He missed the elbow as Hogan stood up and went for the boot to the chest and Shawn knocked out Hogan and the ref with a flying forearm. That’s our first ref bump of the night folks. Shawn goes right to the sharpshooter. Second ref bump of the night. Shawn hit Hogan right in the nachos. HBK hit him with a chair and then the elbow off the top. Hogan may be done for. Shawn is ready to tune up the band. Sweet chin music. Hogan is done. But wait. Hogan kicks out. He’s hulking up. He just pointed at Shawn and the crowd said, “You!”. Hogan hit the big boot. Shawn went into convulsions. Hogan hits the leg drop and the match is over. Hulkamania still rules the world.
Goodnight everyone! No wait, Shawn put out his hand and Hogan shook it. Let’s just hope they don’t pose together. If they do, I smell a Marty Jannetty run in.
Finally, goodnight everyone!
Download our post game edition of Wrestlecast now.
