I checked out my photos of New York, and other than pictures of people from a party drunk off their rear ends, I don’t have much else. But there was one picture that I needed to take before I left New York.

Let’s step back and talk a little bit about my trip. I went there for work. We threw a party for the members of Epinions in Times Square. So though I had to work (sort of), I got to spend a few days in New York. I’d been there once before in 2003, but was only there for 2 days and thus didn’t get to do much other than roam near Brooklyn for some cheesecake. I’m kidding. So this time, I wanted to see the city a bit more and that’s exactly what I did. With my cousin Tomiko, who also works for the website, and my boy Speeddemon Mike we walked around on Friday afternoon, taking the subway and just seeing what New York was about. I’m sure we could’ve walked for 5 days and not been everywhere, but it was sufficient. We then met up with Krissieliz and her friend Elise and went to dinner at an oyster bar at Grand Central Station. We ate oysters and for some reason I was stuck with the bad ones. Actually I offered because I couldn’t tell the difference between the good and the bad.

Saturday night meant hanging out with my Epinions community and that meant karaoke. Tons of fun times all around and I’d need an entire post to talk about that night, and I’m rather tired, so I’ll have to save that for another day. But on Sunday, I took the picture that I referenced in the first paragraph. There it was. It was staring right at me. I missed it the first few times, but I was not going to let it slip away. It was a picture of power. A photo with presense. It was one that I’d seen before on television and wondered how cool it would be to put above my roof to show how I could fight the power. I call this picture: Puffy Power (shout out to the aforementioned Krissieliz who let me take it with her camera because mine was already stored away in luggage).

Puffy Power~!

Since Carol has been working late everyday this week, I’ve fixed my schedule to where I get into work super early and get home super early. These past three days have been fun, hectic, and all in between. Today gave me several highlights.

- Double J watched my Superstar Billy Graham DVD and said it was boring because there wasn’t any Rock or women on it. He’s learning early. About the Rock I mean.
- Double Bri only missed one on his practice spelling test and that word was “likes”. He forgot the “e” and thus spelled “liks”.
- Double Bri sings Gonna Make You Sweat and as he says, “Everybody dance now!” he starts doing the robot.
- Double J wanted to hear Too Legit To Quit and started throwing his rap down in the backseat. Yes, that Too Legit To Quit.
- We played Hide and Seek in the front yard and Double J fell on his butt in a puddle of mud and subsequently went on the grass and rubbed his butt through the grass to get the mud off it.
- We watched The Cosby Show and they wanted to know why two men were hitting on Clair and then asked me if she was really married to Bill Cosby in real life.
- Double Bri decided without me telling him that he was going to do his homework and was doing this while I was whipping Double J’s butt in the slam dunk contest. Revenge is sweet.

And just because I had one more picture of them in lucha masks that I haven’t put here, you get this.

Lucha~!

Kevin Covais was a shoo in for the top 5 right? It was as if the producers wanted him around as they gave him so much face time with Ryan, and even Simon kind of gave him a compliment last week. But thankfully, voters weren’t persuaded enough and gave the youngster the boot. So that leaves us with 10.

The Hot List
1. Chris Daughtry - He’s getting flack from not being original last week, but he still did a damn good job.
2. Paris Bennett - Just so impressive for her age.
3. Katharine McPhee - Someone please dress her better. I said this last week too.
4. Taylor Hicks - I think people are now taking him real seriously.
5. Mandisa - As long as they don’t show the toes.
6. Elliot Yamin - It’s not the singing that holds him back.
7. Ace Young - He has yet to really do anything special, but at least he’s consistent.
8. Lisa Tucker - She’s falling fast.
9. Kellie Pickler - I’m still not impressed at all with her, especially her singing voice.
10. Bucky Covington - While he’s still Bucky’s New Hair~!, my mom mistakenly called him Buckwheat~!

The Defeated
1. Melissa McGhee
2. Kevin Covais

In this week’s installment of Idoling All Over The World I’m in N-E-W Jers to hang with my boy MJ, better known as Speeddemon531. MJ doesn’t watch American Idol all that often, but I know he reads this blog and he knows his music like few people I know. This is going to be great. And thankfully for me, this show is back down to 1 hour which means a shorter report.

Ryno Seacrest says that we’re celebrating songs from the 21st century which means no one really has to fit in. They can sing anything that’s at least 6 years current.

Lisa Tucker is first and she’s singing Kelly Clarkson’s Because Of You. Interesting choice. Lisa still looks like Aaliyah, but the hair isn’t over the eye lid anymore. She’s trying to express emotion that doesn’t seem to be there and is totally overdoing it. I think she has the pipes to sing the song, but she’s trying way too hard. MJ says she was just ok and that she missed a couple of big notes and she sounds like a wanna-be Broadway singer. Randall says it was just an okay version and it was just “aight”. MJ says and I quote, “And why is the bass player from Journey talking thug?” I nearly peed when he said this. I told you he doesn’t watch often. Paula says she can sing her butt off, but she had to make it her own so it wouldn’t be compared to Kelly. Simon says that the song is too big for her voice.

Kellie Pickler is singing a song called Suds In A Bucket. MJ just said he couldn’t believe there was really a song called this. The problem with Kellie here isn’t that she doesn’t sing the song well, it’s just that she sings it so predictably. She sounds like every female country singer that I’ve ever heard before. MJ says that she just seemed kind of ordinary to him. Randall says that he was puzzled by the song choice and it wasn’t exciting enough for her voice. Paula says she was way too good for the song. Wait a second. This song was actually recorded and Kellie is too good for it? Simon pretty much voiced the same opinon.

Acey Young is next with Drops Of Jupiter by Train. Funny that I actually like this song but had no idea who did it or what it was called. And Acey is way out of his league. MJ says that Acey was awful and that the guy from Train should come out on stage and kick his ass. And Acey earlier said that this song had a rock edge to it, and MJ said that if this song had a rock edge then Beat It was “effin” speed metal. Randall says it was not only the wrong song for him, but he also didn’t sing it well. Paula says it wasn’t her favorite but then she went on to hit on Acey. Simon says it wasn’t a great vocal and was quite karaoke.

Young Taylor Hicks is next and the man has a new haircut. MJ immediately says that he wants Taylor to have his black babies. Taylor is singing a song called Trouble. It’s so odd watching him because he looks 20 years older than the next oldest contestant and he might not even be the oldest contestant in the contest. MJ says that even though Taylor’s performance stance looks like the pee-pee dance, he was definitely into his song. I thought the performance was pretty good, but the song was kind of mundane. They just showed Georgie Huff and that made me a happy man. Randall says the song didn’t let him show off.  Paula says it was nice to see him stand behind the mic and just sing the song. Simon says it was an excellent vocal but he didn’t like the clothes and that it looked like Clay Aiken. That did stand out a little to me.

Mandisa is singing a song called Wanna Praise You by Mary Mary. Mandisa looks better and better each week. She looks like she’s having some fun. All the other performances weren’t quite as exciting. And her vocals are always good. Randall says he doesn’t know and said this about 4 times. Paula says there’s a new religion and 40 million people just joined the Church of Mandisa. This woman is wacky. Simon didn’t get it and says it was quite indulgent. MJ says and I quote, “Mandingo has a great voice, but Simon was right on point. She was hootin’ and hollerin’ in that “I can sing but what the hell am I singing about?” kind of way.” He called her Mandingo!!!!!!!!!!!!

MC MJ

Chris is next and he’s got that quiet confidence about him. He’s doing What If by Creed. I’m sure Chris is going to get a bunch of bands to ask him to sing lead for them after this show is over. MJ says that Chris had the massive vibrato going on. It was like someone was tickling his tonsils. Randall says he liked the song choice but he was sharp most of the song. Paula says something else wacky and says she was a big fan. Simon says he has to start showing a different side to him and he went too far. MJ adds that he thought Simon was right. The performance was kinda screamy and indulgent.

Katharine is singing Christina Aguilera’s The Voice Within. I hate her hair and again, her outfit sucks. She’s only going to get so far on the pipes and needs to look the part much better. For once, her voice was off as well. She sounds sick. MJ says that he thought Katharine was the worst performance of the night. Where Christina (Aguilera) would’ve just belted, Katharine was kind of tentative. Randall says she didn’t bring anything new to the record but it was good song choice.  Paula says she was at her best and thought Christina would be honored with the performance. Simon says that it was the best tonight and almost as good as Christina. MJ added that he didn’t know what the judges heard that he didn’t. I agree.

Bucky’s New Hair~! is next doing Real Good Man by Tim McGraw. And he’s wearing a cowboy hat on stage, so he can’t be Bucky’s New Hair~! I’ll go with my mom’s favorite name for him; Buckwheat~! His vocals were solid, but the performance wasn’t all that memorable. MJ says that Bucky was pretty good but not special. It was a solid performance, but boring. Randall says he liked it. Paula says it was familiar but that he needed to be careful with his diction, meaning, learn how to speak English. Simon says he agrees with Paula and it was just ok.

Paris is going to do Beyonce’s Work It Out. Very interesting choice here. Even though I’m not a fan of this song, Paris is just flawless. And then she dropped like it was hot too and then went to the hair whip. MJ says Paris just killed it. And she did the Beyonce booty dance too. She just made me like a song that I didn’t care about one way or another. She’s the performance to beat. Strong words from MJ. Randall says it was fearless, the bomb, and it was the best of the night. Paula says that the dance moves weren’t kid like and that the Pussycat Dolls would be calling her. Not sure where that came from, but it’s Paula. Simon says that it was a little girl trying to be Beyonce.

Elliot is next with I Don’t Want To Be by Gavin Degraw. Elliot possibly owns my favorite male voice and I’d love to hear him make an R&B album, but he’s missing that look. Still though, he can blow. MJ says Elliott was good man. A funky performance and he can definitely sing. Now he just needs to get his ass to the dentist. Randall says he was a hot one tonight. Paula calls him a funky white boy and she loved the arrangement. Simon says it was a great song, terrible arrangment, good vocal and terrible dancing.

Here’s MJ’s order from best to worst for the night.

1) Paris
2) Elliott
3) Taylor
4) Mandingo (It’s Mandisa!)
5) Bucky
6) Chris
7) Kellie
Lisa
9) Ace
10) Katharine

Seacrest is out and this is the last time I’ll put this here, but you can listen to the American Idol 5 Preview Show I did (with family) by clicking the play button below.

If you’d rather download it, right click and save.

Previous weeks

The Top 12
And Then There Were 11

There’s an episode of the Cosby Show where Cliff’s daughters start to wrestle over a sweater. Cliff tries to go between the two of them and he can’t stop them and actually gets turned on his back himself. I felt like Cliff today.

Let me take a step back. I started playing video games at a young age of about 8 or 9. Dad thought they were interesting and even though he never caught on, I did. Hell, I was born in the video games era. Though I rarely play now unless it’s with the kids, or if it’s a sports related game before I go to bed, I still enjoy playing every once in a while. But my kids are sharks. Double Bri is better at video games at 6 years of age than I was at 12. And it’s something he loves to do and probably a little too much. But we make sure he doesn’t over do it and is a pretty well rounded kid. His brother is all about the sports games and wrestling games. While Double Bri is a Super Mario fiend, Double J enjoys NBA Street, NBA Live, and Raw Vs. Smackdown. Usually the sports games are a little harder because they are made for teenagers and for the guys born in the video game era like myself. But Double J has really started to play NBA Live like he’s an adult. And he’s done this pretty much behind my back. There’s an extra mode in the game in which you can play a slam dunk contest. It’s pretty intriquite in the beginning, and their Uncle Eddy and I took about an hour just to figure out how to do a regular dunk, and another hour to figure out the special moves. Double J has been practicing of late and on the way home from school he told me that he was going to whoop me in the dunk contest. I told him that he must be kidding because he’s just a little boy and I make little boys cry. Double Bri played with us as well, though he can’t do some of the harder dunks, so he was eliminated early sadly. He stomped off because he couldn’t do fancy dunks.

Late in the dunk contest it came down to the last dunk. Double J had already surprised me by doing a double between the legs dunk with Lebron James, his favorite player. I was using Spud Webb, mostly because I wanted to use a short dunker. I had one dunk left over and was trying to bounce the ball off the backboard and catch it and throw it between my legs, but I couldn’t get it down, so at the last second, I just did an average dunk to finish. Double J needed a decent score to beat me and he pulled something out of his rear end that I hadn’t seen him do before. He took off with Lebron, wrapped it around his back before throwing it down and received a perfect score. He beat his dad. But that’s not all. He started doing Hulk Hogan like muscle poses and growled at me which was pretty intimidating consider the kid is 35 pounds with all his clothes on. It was at this time that I realized that my time has come. But I didn’t expect it to happen so quickly. I figured that once they became teenagers that they would start to routinely beat me at video games. Double Bri can pretty much take me on any of his Mario related games, but Mario wasn’t my forte. Sports games are. I didn’t expect my five year old to dunk right in my face, flex his toothpick arm muscles, and then stomp off like he actually won something. All that means now is that I must practice and then make him cry.

While I’m at it, I posted pictures of Double Bri and Double J playing YMCA basketball. Double Bri was named best team player while Double J was somehow given the title of best dribbler, though he travelled like a door to door salesman at times. I’m not too fond of putting them up here without their lucha masks on, but the pics are blurry enough to where I’m comfy.

Double Bri Touches The Sky On His J

Double J Is Too Fast For The Camera On The Breakaway

A pictorial.

Mike Playing Tour Guide For Us

Miko Meets Mace Windu

Gimme Some Spray Paint

Miko Imbibing The Devil’s Nectar

More later …

Last week’s dismissal of one Melissa McGhee was no surprise to me. She only butchered the lyrics to Stevie Wonder’s Lately. She wasn’t going to win this show anyway. But she was looking fairly attractive on her way out. And if you have to go, that’s the way to go.

Let’s look at the eleven standing.

The Hot List
1. Chris Daughtry - His performance last week only cemented his status.
2. Katharine McPhee - Someone please dress her better.
3. Paris Bennett - She’s an old youngster.
4. Taylor Hicks - He lost 5 years on his age last week based on his great performance. Now he’s only 35.
5. Elliot Yamin - It’s apparent that he’s going to have to sing his rear off every week.
6. Mandisa - She’s on the come up.
7. Lisa Tucker - Her Aaliyah look gave her needed youth, but now she has to knock it out of the park.
8. Ace Young - He was simply boring last week. Where’s the beanie?
9. Bucky Covington - He’s no longer Bucky, he’s forever known as Bucky’s New Hair~!
10. Kellie Pickler - Horrendous last week.
11. Kevin Covais - He’s showing slight disdain for Simon’s comments and that only makes him more annoying.

The Defeated
1. Melissa McGhee

Before we go on, I received lots of commentary on that young man who I simply called The Bito~! While he will be back, I wanted to let you in on some stirring information about him. Check out The Bito~! Facts.

This week’s installment of Idoling All Over The World has me actually at home because I needed to get a hair cut. You see, I don’t go to a barbershop and Supercuts wouldn’t ever touch my beautiful mane, so I go to a hair stylist (my non-gay male cousin) and thus, I couldn’t be anywhere else but in the beautiful city of Gilroy, California. But we’ll still have a guest judge. That person will be the woman who gave me children.

Let’s start.

Ryno says that tonight is 50’s night, but then we see a small television package on Gary Mandilow~! I guess he was working with them tonight.

Mandissa is going to sing I Don’t Want To Hurt No More. The woman who gave me children wondered if Mandissa was going to just forget about shoes this week after her little piggies didn’t quite fit in the heels last week. Whoever did her makeup and hair need to continue doing it this way for the rest of her life. All she is missing is the look because the pipes are there. She does a fabulous job with the song, just putting in some old soul. The woman who gave me children says the song is boring. Randall says that Mandissa set the mark and the rest of the singers have to bring it. Paula says Mandissa took her back to the 50’s. Simon says that she’s blossoming and it was a sexy performance and called it a “stripper song~!” The woman who gave me children says it was powerful, though still boring.

Bucky’s New Hair~! is going to sing Oh Boy by Buddy Holly. This will be interesting. Bucky’s New Hair~! isn’t as fluffy as last week and I wish it was. This just isn’t all that good and with his non-fluffed out hair, there’s nothing to do but listen to this song. Pretty average and it doesn’t touch Mandissa at all. The woman who gave me children says it was ok. Randall says that it was a great song choice and noticed that his hair was less fluffed out. Paula says it was a great song choice. Simon says it was nothing more than a pointless karaoke performance.

Paris is going to sing Fever. Gary Mandilow says that Paris’ power in her voice was shocking. He expected her to sing like a chipmunk I guess. Paris’ hair is wacky with these crazy curls. And she’s wearing a dress that’s about 10 years too old for her. But she has the swagger down. She’s definitely has all the performance tricks down. The singing picks up near the end as she ad libs her vocals a little bit as the beginning was a little boring. She finishes very strong. The woman who gave me children says it was good. Randall says that after a slow beginning she blew it out tha box. Yes, he said it exactly like that. Paula says that her vocals were impeccable. Simon says she has the perfect voice for the song.

Rocker Chris is next and it’ll be interesting to see what he chooses. He chooses Johnny Cash’s Walk The Line. They stress that he’s singing it much differently, and you’d expect that. He’s dressed for the part as he tries to simulate the man in black. He has this confidence in him that basically says he knows he’s good. When you see some of the other male singers, you don’t see that confidence. The woman that gave me children says it was awesome and unique. Randall says that he made the record into something he does well. Paula says he makes everything his own and that he should already be touring and we should be buying tickets. Simon says it wasn’t the best vocal but it doesn’t matter because he was an artist, rather than sounding like karaoke.

Gary Mandilow~!

Katharine McPhee is singing Come Rain Or Come Shine and she has her work cut out for her after Paris and Mandissa. Her vocals are great here, but the song is slightly boring, or maybe it was just her performance. And again like last week, I don’t think her dress did her any good. The woman who gave me children says she looked good and her performance matched her look. Randall says it was really really strong and she took a really difficult song and worked it out. Paula says she’s one of the contenders for the rest of the season. Duh. Simon says that tonight, she turned into a star and she’s now special.

Taylor says that Gary Mandilow isn’t just a singer, he’s a performer. Taylor is also doing Buddy Holly tonight. Last week, Taylor looked like a superstar in his PHAT suit, but tonight, he looks like any other 40 year old man. Luckily, his vocals and performing skills are top notch. Now I know his dancing is quirky and fun, but he could use a new move or two. The woman who gave me children says she loves him because he’s so unique and different. But she’s into old men (notice I didn’t say simply older?) for some reason. Randall says that the song wasn’t very challenging but he worked it out and he’s a big fan. Paula says that he’s fantastic and he’s one of a kind. Simon says it was a complete mess and called it hideous.

Lisa is going to do Why Do Fools Fall In Love? and this could be fun. She’s a fine singer, but there’s something about her personality that just doesn’t show that she’s having any fun. They did dress her much younger again which is positive. She’s like a 30 year old trapped in a 16 year old’s body. But still, the performance was very good. The woman who gave me bambinos says it was cool. Randall says it was a good song choice but it wasn’t a dope performance. And yes, in the year 2006, Randall used the word dope. Paula says she brought young energy. Simon says it was ok and he was trapped in a high school musical while Paula coughed through his critique.

Kevin is next with When I Fall In Love. If Kevin didn’t have a lisp, this would almost be below average. Actually, it’s not bad, but it’s not even close to topping even the worst of the performances tonight. The woman who gave me children says that he’s played out and she nearly fell asleep watching it. Randall says that he sees himself in Kevin. I’m not sure that I can see that. Paula says that he has moxy. How come no one says that his singing was good? Simon says that he likes him and that he sung it perfectly for his audience.

Elliot is next and today he has some facial hair and a better hair do. Elliot’s New Hair~! (I can use this twice) says that he wasn’t fond of Gary Mandilow’s work, but by the end of working with him, he’s a true Gary FANilow~! He’s singing Teach Me Tonight. If he gets to wail, it should be good. The singing performance was really good, but I can’t get over how different he looks with his new facial hair and hair do. Maybe he goes to a hair stylist like I do? The woman who gave me children says it was mierda. That’s Spanish for something that’s not good. Randall says he chose the hardest song to sing and he worked it out. Paula says he moved her and called him love. Simon says his singing was fantastic.

Kellie Pickler is next and her grandfather told her to do Patsy Kline. She’s doing Walkin’ After Midnight. She really needs to redeem herself here after last week’s horrid performance. Once again, she looks like a different human being with the crazy blush. But at least she’s not wearing those cheap shoes like last week. Her singing was just ok, but I think it’s mostly because I don’t really like her voice. I honestly don’t think she has all that strong of a singing voice, but we’ll see what the judges think. The woman who gave me children says it was one of her better performances. She did some wacky shimmy dance at the end. Randall says Pickler’s back. Paula says she was a tigress tonight as they overdo the minx vs. mink joke. Simon says she was back doing what she does best and it was ballsy and sexy. He got away with saying ballsy on national television.

Acey is last tonight and he’s doing a jazzy version of In The Still Of The Night. One thing Acey needs to do is bring back the beenie. He has this wispy hair that needs to be pulled back or something. Actually, Acey could be one of the white dudes from Color Me Badd and we wouldn’t even know it. While it started out weird, he picked it up at the end. His Constantine impersonation of trying to do the pervert face is bothering me very much though. The woman who gave me children says the song made her sleepy. Randall says that Acey is back. Paula says that it was his sexiest and sultriest performance ever. Simon says it wasn’t the best vocal but it was one of his stronger performances.

If I were to guess, I’d say that Bucky goes home and that Lisa could be in the bottom three again. It was an interesting and fun night and we got to see Gary Mandilow~!

Seacrest says that he is out, but before I go, you can listen to the American Idol Season 5 Preview show where the woman who gave me children and also the woman who birthed me give their thoughts on season 5.

If you’d rather download it, right click and save.

Previous weeks

The Top 12.

On March 17th, Double Bri trudged through fever, sickness, and just general bad health, but he said that it was in his will to perform at his talent show. By mid day, he tricked his mother and said he was good to go. By 6PM, it was show time, and Double Bri said he was ready to go. He said that God needed to hear him sing his song, as he was singing it for the Good Lord.

Though slightly nervous, he handled himself well, belted out his song and took his voice where he didn’t know he could take it. I have for you, the MP3 of Double Bri’s rendition of MercyMe’s I Can Only Imagine. I let it run in the end a little so you could hear his mother go, “Woooooooooooooooooo!”. I can already see Grandpa downloading this into his iPod. Click below.

Alternately you can right-click and save as an mp3 here.

After his American Idol judge debut, all I’ve been getting questions about is this young man named The Bito~! Who is The Bito~! What is The Bito~! And the females ask me if The Bito~! is sexy. Well, all I will tell you is, his name is Joel. Ok, I lied, here are some more facts about The Bito~!

Facts about Joel Bito:

Joel Bito will kill you, commit suicide, and kill you again.
Joel Bito once wore pants with the ass cheeks cut out while singing Prince songs in a bar.
Joel Bito can walk on water and will lay down his jacket for you if you need to follow in his footsteps.
Joel Bito eats lightning and craps thunder.
Joel Bito thinks that all women are evil, except those who like him.
Joel Bito demands to be treated with respect and dignity.
Joel Bito holds his breath when he doesn’t get his way.
Joel Bito wears shirts so tight that they have nipple imprints on them, even after two washes.
Joel Bito wishes he was Stevie Wonder, except he’d wear his beads under a do rag.
Joel Bito sleeps with one eye open and that eye never blinks.
Joel Bito only dates white girls.
Joel Bito only dates white girls with money.
Joel Bito only dates white girls with money who have big asses.
Joel Bito will one day become king of the Phillipines.
Joel Bito trains, says his prayers, and eats his vitamins.
Joel Bito wears beanie caps over freshly gelled hair.
Joel Bito will point at you and laugh if you trip.
Joel Bito smokes incense.
Joel Bito doesn’t only lick frosting off his birthday candles, he does this while they’re still lighted.
Joel Bito will make you wanna leave the one you’re with to start a relationship with you, this is what you do.
Joel Bito will make you cry, try to make you happy again, only to see you cry harder.

Ok, there are more folks that will read this who know Joel even better than I do, so add your own facts about Joel in the comments.

In what is great news from where I stand, Patrick Swayze is tuning his vocal chords and getting ready to sing again. Yes, the man who compared the attraction in his life to a gust of wind is back. Some man named Antonius Maximus is sampling the Swayze tune and had him add new vocals for some reason or another. I need to hear this song.

Just in case you lived under a rock your entire life, here’s a sampling of some Swayze greatness.

Feel her breath on my face
Her body close to me
Can’t look in her eyes
She’s out of my league
Just a fool to believe
I have anything she needs
She’s like the wind

Just a fool to believe, she’s like the wind

You can read up on the story here.

Continue Reading »

Before the last show from Season 4 in which Carrie Underwood defeated Boseph Bice, I started off my review with this:

There?s a good chance that this is going to be my final American Idol show wrap up post, mostly because I?ve found that it?s so hard to watch the show and have the energy to write about it within a decent time frame. So, unless I start doing this another way, you might want to have a moment of silence for this report. One second was good enough for me. On with the show.

And then I ended with this, causing Idol fans to weep.

Mama told me one day it was gonna happen
But she never told me when
She told me it would happen when I was much older
Wish it would?ve happened then
Is this the end?

Since New Edition can get back together, I think I can do this again. Like Michael Jordan said one time, I’m back. It’s that simple.

Let’s start with famous Hot List.

The Hot List
1. Chris Daughtry - Leader in the clubhouse.
2. Katharine McPhee - The vocal surprise of the show.
3. Paris Bennett - Paris is my favorite female performer.
4. Elliot Yamin - The boy has soul.
5. Lisa Tucker - She’s the most polished of the youngsters.
6. Taylor Hicks - He’s the best 40 year old ever.
7. Mandisa - Please dress this woman better and her ranking will go up.
8. Ace Young - Has the look, but he needs to bring up the singing game.
9. Kellie Pickler - Women will turn on her soon unless she starts singing better.
10. Bucky Covington - He’s the wildcard here.
11. Melissa McGhee - She needs to come up big here.
12. Kevin Covais - The fact that he’s here is a misjustice.

For this season, I’m taking this show on the road. Like Ludacris who goes pimpin’ all over the world, I’m going to drop in and watch this show with fans all over the world. Ok, maybe just the United States. You’ll definitely find me in the Bay Area. You might find me in Texas, or New York, or Virginia. I’ll be crashing living rooms all over. If you get a knock at the door and you’re not sure who it’s from, it could be me. Just answer the door.

Tonight, I’m at the house of Michelle and Val in rainy South San Francisco. You’ll get comments from them, as well as from Meeks and the one and only, the man, the myth, the legend, THE BITO~! We are sitting in the living room with two huge 60 inch big screens and a killer surround system. This is the way everyone must watch this show.

If you want to hear a killer podcast previewing American Idol Season 5 this is a must listen. You’ll learn all you need to know.

Alright, Ryno Seacrest is here. That only means that it’s time. It’s game time. He’s looking quite dapper, but Michelle already said that his tie looks like a sock.

To make this show even better, it’s “Stevie Wonder Night”. I can’t wait for someone to mess up Higher Ground.

To start off the night, it’s Acey Young. Acey says that Stevie Wonder doesn’t only battle his handicap, but he also battles LIFE~! Acey is doing Do I Do and though he messed up early on and his dancing is severely lacking, there’s a quality he has that not everyone has. The camera likes him. Where’s his beanie cap? He’s also trying to sing it in Stevie’s voice. It was decent. He finished and his hands were literally shaking. Randall says he started off badly, he got it together, but it was only a’ight. Paula disagrees and says he started off the night fantastic. Paula, use your adverbs dear. It’s fantastically. Simon says it wasn’t a great vocal and it won’t be the best vocal performance tonight and called it manic. Guest judge Meeks says in her best Tony the Tiger voice, “It was greaaaaaaat”.

Next is Kellie Pickler who looks like an absolutely different human being. What doing ones hair does to someone. She’s going to sing Blame It On The Son and this is a great song, but it’s not necessarily the happiest song. Unfortunately Kellie doesn’t necessarily have the charisma nor the chops to pull this thing off. But again, she looks like someone else. I think this girl in front of us took Kellie Pickler, locked her inside a room and took her place. The song gets a little better near the middle, but her singing is not even where it should be. Randall says that it was a non-event and it didn’t really happen. Paula says that you could tell that she was nervous and out of her comfort zone and was too safe. Simon says that everything went wrong and that it was so boring and it wasn’t going to end and that she looks like Dolly Parton, but sans the boobs of course. THE BITO~! simply says that it sucked, but he thinks she’ll get through on her cuteness factor.

It’s Stevie Night

Elliot Yamin is next and I’m going to predict that he’s going to excel here. This is his style of music. He’s going to sing Knocks Me Off My Feet which is one step below Ribbon In The Sky in my book. Elliot is knocking it out of the park. It isn’t his best vocal because he looks quite nervous, but this man can sing. He might look like a backup’s backup singer, but the dude can blow. Michelle says that Elliot is quite good, and THE BITO~! adds that he’s quite ugly. Thankfully THE BITO~! isn’t brokeback. Randall says it wasn’t his best, but he was good at the end. Paula says that he’s an amazing singer and that he’ll stick around, and it won’t even be funny. Simon says that there wasn’t much wow factor and that he was nervous.

Mandisa had Ryno take off her shoes because they hurt. The problem wasn’t her shoes, but more so the fact that she stuffed her foot into a shoe that prohibits any sort of stuffing. She’s going to sing Don’t You Worry ‘Bout A Thing and I predict greatness here as well. There’s still something about the outfits Mandisa chooses that bothers me. The make-up and hair is slammin’ though. The thing about Mandisa is that she’s got such a powerful voice and she can probably sing the phone book and it’d be great. I like the performance, but wasn’t blown away. She does veer off a little at the end and try to make it a little bit different which was good. Randall says that she’s the best so far. Paula says she can sing anything. Simon says that it’s the best so far. Val says she wasn’t quite paying attention, but that she’s not worrying ‘bout a thing. I think we’re going to go solely with THE BITO~! from now on.

Bucky Covington is next and he’s doing Superstition. You know how I said that Kellie looked like an entirely different human being? Well Bucky looks like Bucky. Actually, he looks like Bucky with a nice perm~! While Bucky’s voice is not conducive to R&B music necessarily, he has a good enough voice to pass it off as good. Randall says that he was excited and he enjoyed it. Paula says that it was different, but she wished he would’ve tried to get out of his comfort zone. Simon says it was one of the best so far, but compared his hair to that of Jessica Simpson. THE BITO~! disagreed and originally says that she sucked.

Melissa McGhee is next and let’s just say that she’s wearing the right dress tonight. She’s singing Lately which is basically a song where a man thinks his woman is cheating on him. Thus, she tries to change the lyrics and it comes off really badly. Poor Melissa. This will be her last day. And she is screwing up the lyrics that she is actually trying to sing. This could be one of the worst Idol performances ever. Randall says that she forgot her lyrics but she finished up strong. Paula says she should wear dresses more often and I agree with that. They caught the same missed lyrics that I did. And she says she did well. Simon says it was her best performance thus far. THE BITO~! says once again, she sucked. THE BITO~! is not a happy man tonight.

Lisa Tucker is next and she’s singing Signed, Sealed, Delivered. She’s got a little fashion going on tonight and doesn’t look her usual self and is showing off some 17 year old cleavage. She looks like Aaliyah tonight. I really wish she would’ve done a ballad. She had gusto, but if I’m Randall, I’d say for me, for her, it wasn’t my favorite. Randall says it got hot at the end. Paula says that something that I didn’t hear because of my rude audience members. Simon says that he enjoyed it very much. THE BITO~! says creatively that she was good.

Kevin Covais is next and he’s singing Part Time Lover. I’ve never heard this song sung with a lisp, but we’ll hear it now. This has a William Hung quality to it. And that’s the good parts. Wow, this was just not good. Randall says he sang it good and in tune. Paula says that it was in tune, and it was in style, with his own strange dance steps. Simon says Stevie would’ve turned down the volume and it was appalling. THE BITO~! says he didn’t like it at all.

My good friend Low Jones called Katharine McPhee, Katharine McPhever and said that he was very fond of her in many ways and she makes him tingle. She’s singing Until You Come Back To Me. I know Stevie didn’t sing this, but I guess he wrote it. Katharine may have the best voice in this competition on the female side. Her dress is awful and she looks like Britney Spears during her Federline days (ok, not that bad), but damn she’s got the voice of an angel. Randall says that she was off the chain and calls her dude. Paula says it was her best performance. Simon says she’s reminding him of Kelly Clarkson. She doesn’t only sound like her, she looks a little like her too. THE BITO~! says she’s good and that he likes her a lot, but wasn’t a fan of the dress.

Taylor is singing Living For The City. Taylor is dressed to the nines in a PHAT suit. You feel like he’s one of the people that can actually get into the lyrics of something like this. He’s lived a little. Taylor is trying to morph into Michael McDonald in front of our very eyes. Randall says he was fearless. Paula says that it had a lot of passion and she loved it. Simon says he’s like every dad who has gotten drunk at a wedding, but the difference is, that he can sing. THE BITO~! wasn’t paying much attention as he says he didn’t want to watch old men sing. He just doesn’t understand.

Paris is singing All I Do looking like a young Lauryn Hill. Where’s Michael singing the hook when you need him? Paris is rocking out. This might be the best performance of the night. She understands how to perform and makes it look natural. Though I’m not sure she’s ever worn heels in her life. Great job for young Paris. Meeks decided to pay attention for once and said she was very professional. Randall says she was unbelievable. Paula says she was a seasoned veteran. Simon says she’s a performing little doll.

We have one more to go and it’s the leader in the clubhouse, Chris Daughtry. By the way, this two hour show is killing me. But we’re almost done. Chris is singing Higher Ground. The thing about Chris is that he gets it. He understands his strengths. Even though he shaved off his facial hair and is nearly babyfaced. He’s singing it very much the way the Chili Peppers did. He does a really good job to close the show. Randall says that every week he figures out a way to make it his own. Paula says what she usually does when she glows. Simon says that he could’ve put that on record.

THE BITO~! thinks that Katharine McPhee is going to win it all. Michelle agrees. Val says that she wasn’t quite paying attention enough, and Meeks was too busy MySpacing.

I must do this again. And it feels so good. Seacrest, out!