Apr 27 2006
2006 SJNABA GIants Team News
TV Star
After watching Janelle and our own Kasib on MTV’s Real World this week, I started to think that maybe Kasib would get some fame out of this. He wasn’t shown in the greatest of lights, and who knows what really happened just because this is a television show that MTV is producing, but in his short time on screen, I thought he showed a little something. And low and behold, guess who we play this weekend?
I also started wondering who from our team needed to be on reality television. We have quite the cast of characters. Who deserves to be cast on the Real World from our team?
San Jose’s Own Janelle On Real World Key West
Top 5 Candidates For Reality TV Stardom
5. “Big” Mike Atilano - He’s already bulked up enough to take his t-shirt off on TV. That counts for something.
4. Frank “Slim Playa” Hernandez - Though he’d actually have to start bench pressing more than just the bar, Frank is all entertainment. And he will wear his Oakleys so much that he’d probably get an endorsement deal out of it.
3. Young Randall - In his demo tape, he’d need only to wear his super tight Under Armor shirt with his sliding shorts and drop to one knee and do a double bicep pose. He’d also be a lifer on the Real World/Road Rules Challenge.
2. Coach Vinnie - Coach Vinnie would be the one guy on the show who would try to bed any woman that had a pulse. He would never be sober and he’d be shirtless throughout. 5 star entertainment.
1. Sean “The Miz” Nourie - We already call him “The Miz” after Real World’s own Mike Mizanin. Sean is walking entertainment. He’d be the only man to walk into the Real World house and walk out of it married. He’s a machine.
Hopefully, we can tame Kasib and his newfound television star status. But maybe I should ask a few of my guys to throw him some fat pitches as long as he can get me Svetlana’s phone number?
PS: We need to give Adam a nickname. Adam “Soul Patch” Ferguson? Adam “The Law” Ferguson?
Manager Of The Year
Ever since I decided to hand the rains over to young Vincente this year, I wondered how the team chemistry would be affected. We’ve always prided ourselves in playing everyone, and making sure guys rightfully deserved their playing time. I shouldn’t have worried. Though Vincente probably cares more about winning than I do (I care, but it’s not the end of the world to me), I have watched the way he deals with the players and also how much it hurts him to sit certain guys. It’s not an easy job if you care. If you don’t care, it is pretty easy. I declare Vincente Cortinas the manager of the 2/3 year.
Manager Of The 2/3 Year
I wasn’t at last week’s big game against the Pirates. It kind of is always a big game when we play them because of past history between both teams. And also because of how hard we play against each other. Though they beat us pretty well in the second game of the season, we got our win back in our last game. The only thing I know is that we got out to an early lead, held it off, and then it took closer Scotty “Too Hotty” Jaffa to shut the door. He even got yelled at by the opposition for doing his job. All in a day’s work.
We come back for a big double header against the second place Tigers and the Yankees.
Before I leave you, of course, we have another e-mail from Barry Bonds. In this case, he’s not trying to play for our team, he’s actually mocking the league. Read Barry below.
SJNABA OFFICIAL LEAGUE NEWS!!!!!!
Due to the league?s financial situation in dire straits we are forced to open up concession stands for each game at Mt. Pleasant beginning THIS WEEK! The team forced to pull first duty will be the Giants. You can send one of your bench warmers to handle the duty, probably that Vince guy or Garrett(I?d say Vince since he didn?t send me his jersey). B-THERE or B-SQUARE. hahaha i made that up myself
yours truely
Barroids

Barroids
No More Young Randall
I promise that in this post, there will be no more references to Young Randall. As MC Hammer once said, “Let’s Get It Started”.
2006 Giants All Stars
Here are the 2006 Giants All Stars.
1. Vince Cortinas
2. Vince Cortinas
3. Vince Cortinas
Whoops, I was reading Vince’s ballot. I apologize. Here are the correct All Stars.
1. “Big” Mike Atilano
2. Adam Ferguson
3. Danny “Don’t Call Me Leon” Guevara
4. Scotty “Too Hotty” Jaffa
5. Matt “But I’ve Only Been Here For A Month” Joyce
We sit at 6-4 currently in third place after coming from behind and beating a depleated Astros team and then beating the Mets. And we get “El Guapo” back for a few weeks. That’s right, Brent Nichols is back. And yes, he calls himself “El Guapo”. And yes, that means he calls himself handsome.
Last thing before I leave you. One Barry Bonds sent in another e-mail to Vinnie. Here’s what he said.
Hey Guys, Im still waiting for my jersey………..Oh and I know that Max Cha….Chi….Chargress(something like that) guy, beautiful human being by the way, and he wouldn’t say anything like that. His motto is more like, “hey kid! go get that foul ball and I might put your dad in the game” or “hey bro, you got any money, i’ll put you in the game”. Gotta run I need some more flauxseed oil..wink.wink
Vinnie has picked up everyone under the sun this year, but for some reason, he’s not picking up Barry. We’ll see next week if Barry sends us another e-mail.
More Young Randall
When you let a team off the hook, and let them stick around, you’re asking for trouble.
Max Childress waxing poetic after a tough loss in 2001
Ok, maybe Max didn’t say it. But even if he didn’t, it’s a true statement. That was pretty much what happened last weekend when we played the Mets. They earned their first win of the season and it ended with Eric McGhee uttering a profanity laced exclamation as a sign of joy. The Mets always play us tough and this game was no different. Stevie Santiago pitched a tough game and again, our offense failed us in the clutch. We owe them one.
This weekend, we play the first place Astros and even though it’s a bit early, this is a bit of a must win game. They beat us soundly earlier in the season. Bradley Null was seen after the game eating his Togos sandwich with glee uttering, “This is the year.” This might be their year, but we won’t let them get there that easily.
Young Randall seems to be a bit of a hot topic around the San Jose NABA. And after this post, he’s to be a bit more of a hot topic. I interviewed him some time ago and it gave people a little glimpse of the man that I call Young Randall. Today, I give you more. Here are some Young Randall facts.
-Young Randall never trusts a big butt and a smile
-Young Randall has razor like nipples that cuts people when he gives hugs
-Young Randall will lay down his jacket so you can walk over a puddle
-Young Randall eats copius amounts of pasta to maintain his Young Randallesque physique
-Young Randall claims that he hasn’t had one bad day in his entire life

Young Randall likes to dress up like Han Solo
-Young Randall sleeps with a baseball underneath his pillow and maybe that’s why he can’t sleep at night
-Young Randall sings the lyrics, “I’m just a sexy boy, I’m not your boy toy” in the shower while striking double bicep poses
-Young Randall seeks truth from those who lie
-Young Randall can dunk a ping pong ball
-Young Randall uses a pocket knife to shave his sweater-like hairy chest
-Young Randall asks “how high?” even before you tell him to jump
-Young Randall has a tattoo of Cobra Kai on left pectoral muscle
-Young Randall will suplex you, put you in the camel clutch, break your back, and make you humble That is all you need to know about Young Randall.
Happy Young Randall
I haven’t updated here in a while. We won some games. We lost some games. Nothing anything in particular happened of note. Actually, I take that back. Something of note did in fact happen. But it wasn’t really baseball related. It was Young Randall related. You see, Young Randall is a man of many talents. Professional tap dancer. Ok, he’s a man of one talent. But recently, he took some plaid shorts and grabbed style by the horns and said, “Either you’re with me, or you’re against me.” He rocked the plaid shorts like no man has ever rocked plaid shorts before. And he did it with a smile on his face.

I also received a note from Barry Bonds. Yes THE Barry Bonds. He may not spell well, or make much sense, but this HAS to be THE MAN.
Ummmm hey my name is Barry how ya doin buddy. as you might have seen on tv ive been getting booed alot around the league and honestly im just tired of it. i get hit by a ball during batting practice and sportswriters act like im some kind of ?bafoon?. well im just not going to stand for it I need a new team do you have any room for me. vince i?ll be happy to take your number, just accept it at that and like it. oh and i know that steinbrenner makes the yankees shave off their facial hair is it okay if i keep the ?taco meat? on my chest ive been growing it for a while now and am sort of partial to it. thanks
Barry, if you want to play, Vinnie will do whatever it takes (wink) to make it happen.
Giants Survive Yanks
The title of this post is not just a creative title. It’s the truth. Last weekend, the Yankees had us on our heels for the first half of the game and looked to be in control. But we fought back and won the ball game, in a very ugly contest. Stevie Santiago got the win and pitched through a horrendous inning in which he gave up 6 runs. Scotty “Too Hotty” Jaffa picked up the save in another solid outing for him. Mike Atilano and Danny Guevara led the way offensively. Danny even hit his first ever SJNABA home run. In Danny fashion, he worked a 3-0 count and then swung at a pitch that was taller than he was. I whispered to someone as I was on deck, that his favorite pitch to hit is the one over his head. Low and behold, another high fastball and he tomahawked it over the fence.
The Yankees have a nice little nucleus and they should improve over the season. I really like the way Paul is handling his team as he tries his best to get all his guys playing time. That doesn’t always happen in this league.
Last year’s Giants team was one of my favorites, and might just be my favorite, even over the 2002 team that went to the championship, only to lose to the A’s. We had a bunch of hard working kids who played the game because they love it and we left everything out on the field. I put together a bunch of pictures of that team.
Click here to watch the 2005 SJNABA Giants. Please note that you might need the latest version of Quicktime in order to play it on your machine. Also, give it about 10 seconds to fully load.
Second Week Loss
I wasn’t at the game two weeks ago against your neighborhood friendly Pirates, but in the words of the Iron Sheik, we were truly humbled. Ok, it wasn’t that bad. We were missing a lot of players and when you play a team as good as the Pirates who continue to bring nearly the same team back every year, you need to have your full team there. From what I understand, we were never in the game and it was over fairly early.
We stand at 1-1 and need to get it together starting this week against the newly formed Yankess. Though they don’t have a nearing 200 million dollar payroll like their professional counterparts, we need to treat them like they do. Not much is known about the squad, so like Tiger Woods always says, we need to bring our A game.
And on the orders of coach Vincente Cortinas, we all need to get a slumpbuster this weekend.
Opening Day Win
This year we started the season off the right way, unlike last year when we lost an opening day double header. Though we didn’t play great throughout, we had good pitching and played as good as can be expected defense right out of the gate. The Tigers were off balance offensively as new Giant, but SJNABA vet, Jon Luong held them at bay as much as you could possibly expect. Jon (who Louis kept calling Lou for some reason) threw 7 2/3 innings of 5 hit ball and kept us in the ball game. Scotty Too Hotty Jaffa closed it out to earn the victory.
The Tigers will be a force to be reckoned with this season. Count on it.
Next week, we face those neighborhood friendly Pirates.
There’s A New Sherrif In Town And His Name Is Vincente Cortinas
At the end of last season, I didn’t think I was going to come back. But a few things changed, and I’m back, but simply as a player. I conned Vincente Cortinas into taking over the team, and he’s going to be running things around here.
We have many new players on the team this year and while we lack a dominating pitching staff, we will hit with the best of them.
I will try and keep this page updated for young Vincente and maybe even do more fun things like audio sound bites or even an interview with our fearless leader.
I was thinking of a motto for this season and harkened back to some old mottos of San Francisco Giants teams of year gone past. I didn’t like Hang In There or We Came To Play (wait, maybe that was the Warriors). I also don’t think we’re quite Humm Baby and my knee hurts still so it’s not quite I Feel Good. If you have any ideas, e-mail Vincente. He’ll be glad to actually receive e-mail that doesn’t start with, “Are you have erection problems?”















