Oct 31 2006
The kids and I created a special pumpkin for Halloween. It’s not just any pumpkin. It’s The People’s Pumpkin. We carved (ok me), they drew pictures and listened to the Rock’s theme song for an hour and it was joyful.
Introducing to you, The People’s Pumpkin. Check out that wicked eye brow.
And for a special treat, here’s a look at what my parents were for Halloween. Nacho Libre and the hairy midget puppy dog or whatever that guy was.
Oct 30 2006
For the second Halloween weekend in a row, I went to a costume party in San Francisco. Last year, I was El Gran Luchador sans the mask, but this time, I was John Cena, the champ. (Eddy made fun of my shorts and he said they were capris. I thought they were gangster.) Eddy Zucko was The Hulkster. And Miko and the Coach were a Pixie Demon and Joe Dirt respectively. Michelle was dressed up as a nun and Tik was dressed as, well, I’m not sure technically what Tik was. Old Asian man? Christal came as Lara Croft.
The night was fun and it was as if Eddy Zucko really was the Hulkster. Many a female wanted to take their picture with him and his 24 inch pythons. Two even came all the way over from the other side of the club to take a picture with the champ and the Hulkster.
The Coach was pretty much on fire all night. It’s now an expected event. If the Coach isn’t on his A game, it’s as if it isn’t as fun. Near the end of the night, the Coach was pretty frustrated because no one in the car was speaking English, and specifically his shoes were speaking Spanish. And when we were walking to the car, he mentioned that we were walking in the wrong direction, though we were walking away from where we just were. I think they should name a holiday after him. Maybe Coachieween.
(Click Thumbnails To Enlarge)
Thanks to Christal and Michelle for the pictures.
Oct 27 2006
I told this story to my kids last night and they cracked up so I’ll share it here.
When I was a junior in high school, the best player on my baseball team was Jeremy Bruce. Because of the complexion of his skin, his nickname was Wonder Bread given to him by the varsity basketball coach. Jeremy went on to play baseball at a high level in college and I believe even set the home run record at the school he went to.
When Nak and I were playing semi-pro baseball together, the best player on our team was Lucas. Lucas was a demon on the field. He was an outstanding catcher who didn’t want to play catcher anymore and since he was so good, we had to let him play shortstop or else he would get angry with us and not lead us to victory. During one game, Lucas was sick and puked behind the dugout. It was then his turn to bat. He simply hit a ball very far and ran all around the bases for an inside the park home run. This young man had talent. It was during one of these games where Nak and I had a conversation with Lucas that we both heard one way, but Lucas was saying it another.
Lucas had picked up a baseball bat and mentioned that it was the same bat that someone else had that he remembered. Lucas said the name Jeremy Bruce. Both Nak and I heard “Chubby Bruce”. “Chubby Bruce” is our cousin Bruce. Nak gave him that nickname, not me. He might hurt me if I called him that. Surprisingly, “Chubby Bruce” had the same bat that Lucas was talking about, so we both acknowledged that “Chubby Bruce” did in fact have this same bat. Lucas went on to say that Jeremy Bruce used to swing this bat, and the entire time, Nak and I are wondering how Lucas knows our cousin, “Chubby Bruce”. So Nak asks him how he knows “Chubby Bruce”. Lucas says that he knew Jeremy Bruce from playing baseball. We were a little confused because “Chubby Bruce” only played with us a few times, and Lucas seemed to know him quite well. Again, Nak asks him if he’s talking about “Chubby Bruce”. And again, Lucas says yes. So Lucas starts saying how good of a ballplayer Jeremy Bruce was, and yes, “Chubby Bruce” was a damn fine ballplayer in his day, so we thought nothing of it. We just thought he was talking about our cousin, “Chubby Bruce”. So Lucas starting talking about how good of a hitter he was. And yep, “Chubby Bruce” hit the hell out of the ball at Gunderson High School in San Jose. Finally, Lucas mentioned that he went to Mount Pleasant, and noted that I played with him. It was at this moment that I knew that we had our Bruce’s wrong. He was talking about Jeremy Bruce. We were talking about “Chubby Bruce”. And Nak and I both started cracking up because the entire time, we thought Lucas was talking about our great cousin, “Chubby Bruce”.
Oct 27 2006
This review was originally published on Epinions.com.
She’s the daughter of a Real American. She’s the daughter of a wrestling legend. She’s the daughter of someone with a lot of money. She’s the daughter of someone who wanted to create a television show with the sole idea of getting her a record deal. Now that should answer your questions on why Brooke Hogan has an album out.
Thanks to the incredibly deep pockets of the “Incredible” Hulk Hogan (yes, that’s what he used to be called), Brooke Hogan has released her debut album, Undiscovered. If you’ve watched Hogan Knows Best, you’ve watched Hulk (Terry Bollea) and Brooke (Bollea) work hard in finding the right person (or maybe the only person) to give Brooke a record deal. On one of the last episodes from the second season of the show, Scott Storch cut Brooke a check for $250,000 up front to secure her for his SoBe Entertainment label. Even though the show and a short stint in the WWE this summer gave her some tremendous media attention that most new folks don’t get, there is little street buzz for this record. However, if it were released a couple months ago, that might not have been the case. About Us featuring (what it do) Paul Wall was a decent success. It didn’t chart on commercial radio like it probably should’ve, but it got decent airplay on the video stations. It was also helped by the fact that VH-1 promoted her like she was Jessica Simpson because of her affiliation with the VH-1 show about her family. They even had a listening stream of the album up a full month before the actual release. She utilized MySpace (which is underutilized in my opinion: see Diddy and Kane, Danity) to help promote the songs as well. The problem I saw is that the release date wasn’t concrete until late and they decided to wait until the week of the third season premiere of Hogan Knows Best to officially drop the album.
About Us is a party starter, but I’m not sure how many parties it actually got a chance to start. It’s formulaic pop music with a hip hop beat, but because of Wall’s small cameo and the production, it works. The content is silly because it’s about paparazzi following Brooke and Paul around as if they were Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. The chemistry with Brooke and Paul is there though she’s probably a bit too young for him in real life, so you lose a bit of the reality. Brooke tries a similar thing with everyone’s favorite rapper. You know him as Stacks. Well, maybe his momma knows him as Stacks. It immediately starts off with Brooke as the wide eyed youngster wanting Stacks’ phone number. Considering I really don’t have any idea who Stacks is and that Brooke is the daughter of Hollywood Hulk Hogan, it would seem that he should be asking her for her number. In fact, since it’s her CD and they are marketing her as the new hot thing, there’s no way she should be asking the mysterious Stacks what his phone number is. Stacks might be a fine young man, but his name isn’t MC Hammer and this isn’t 1989. If you think about how they’re trying to position her with this CD, she has to compete with Britney, Christina, Beyonce, and Jessica. Britney would only ask for Stacks’ number if she needed someone to teach K-Fed how to rap. Christina would only do so if she needed someone to replace Redman at a concert to rap on “Dirrty”. Beyonce would force Stacks to give him her number if Jay-Z was flirting too hard. And Jessica would only ask for his number if she needed someone to beat the great Nick Lachey’s behind. And since none of those things will ever happen, at least to a man named Stacks, it’s hard to think about why they did that. Even Dr. Dre had to hit on Michel’le and she was nicety. Oh yes, the song. The song is fast paced, though the way they edit Brooke almost like she’s singing with herself is quite annoying. She sings a line, then the competing Brooke cuts her off with the punchline. And Stacks gives you what you’d expect from a rapper named Stacks.
In the “welcome to 10 years ago” category, Brooke has Beenie Man guest on Heaven Baby. Brooke’s voice is not strong enough to change it up so much as they try to do so on this one. They have her hitting some fairly high notes, which sound good, though slightly strained. But it’s when she’s singing in a rather flat note for the rest of the song when you see the weakness in her voice. And Beenie Man sounds like every verse I’ve ever heard him give. She shows more vocal problems with Next Time which is solid when they layer her vocals for the hook. But when she’s on her own, it’s again, very flat. For The Moment could be her savior on this album, but her voice again pretty much fails her. It’s an adult contemporary song for an 18 year old that is well done all around except for where it counts. If the person singing the song is only 18 can it be adult contemporary? Teenage contemporary?
On a song that will be confused with the website of the same name, Brooke goes for high energy pop with My Space. It’s reminiscent of every late 80’s high energy song from any nameless and faceless pop singer I’ve ever heard. Dance Alone is probably the best usage of Brooke’s vocals. She’s audibly nasally, but it doesn’t detract from the Latin twinged production. It’s probably the second best song on the album after About Us. It also features someone named Nox rapping in Spanish. You can say Nox is the Spanish Stacks. Well, actually that’s a little rough since I can’t understand what he’s saying fully. But he does switch it up at the end and raps in English only to say something about The Nox and Brooke Hogan. I wonder if Scott Storch asked for Jada Kiss from The Lox to be on the album and someone misheard him?
Love You, Hate You is another good song with an old school feel to it. It’s cookie cutter Just Blaze style production and it’s really the production that makes it a better song than most of the album. It also reminds you how young Brooke really is with her young love story about someone who she’s in love with, but maybe shouldn’t be. Certified is another solid tune but I think it’s only on the “bonus track” version of the album. It’s mirrored after the type of music Kelly Clarkson did on Breakaway, with the only difference being that Kelly Clarkson sang the h*ll out of every track on that album and Brooke doesn’t have anywhere near the vocal range Clarkson has.
The album ends on a complete sour note. Incognito is the Fergie Ferg wannabe song. If I had Brooke’s ear, I’d let her in on the secret that those half sing half rap songs that Fergie does really suck, except no one wants to tell her because her face might break in pieces if she ever has to change that Joker style smile. Ok, that was bad. I apologize Fergie Ferg. But really, if you think Fergie’s style is awful, Brooke does it worse. To finish up the album, for some reason, executive producer Scott Storch decided that it would be great if Brooke could do a song very similar to the vato anthem Low Rider called Low Rider Jeans. And in the beginning, to show how Caucasian she really is, she tries to retell George Lopez’s joke about his mother calling his underwear “da du da duns”. I think that was Storch’s joke on the world allowing that part to open up the song. This is horrible in every sense of the word. And yes, the title really is Low Rider Jeans. I repeat. Low. Rider. Jeans.
Based on what she was given, this was easily a three star album in the making. Even with Brooke’s lacking vocals, it’s not the worst pop album I’ve heard this year. That would be Jessica Simpson’s. But even though it’s better than that, it still doesn’t make it good. The potential is there, but the young Hogan needs either more vocal training, or a producer who can cover up for her inconsistencies. If I were the Hulkster, I’d find someone who could produce Brooke in a way that would hide her weaknesses and play up her playfulness. Any smart pop producer could probably create a real decent album with her. The fact that so many vocal weaknesses show throughout kind of tells me that while Storch executive produced it, he was too busy doing other things to really pay attention to this one. The Hulkster should drop the leg on him for the 1-2-3.
Oct 26 2006
Since I have nothing to review of late and considering American Idol is still months away, it’s time to recap the greatest show ever on VH-1, Hogan Knows Best.
If you remember last year, they decided to buy a new house in Miami and they’re teasing that the Hulkster and his wife Linda are facing marital problems. But on Howard Stern’s radio show, Linda said to watch so you can find out how their marriage is going. Um. Well, since you’re promoting the show together, doesn’t look like you got divorced.
The show opens with Linda Hogan saying to Brian Knobbs, “What are you doing here?” as if Brian Knobbs is a long lost friend. I imagine Knobbs has his own room at the Hogan mansion. It looks like they are cleaning up the old house and moving to the new one. Knobbs goes to use a towel and Hogan says that is the towel he wipes his ass with. So then Knobbs uses it to clean his face. They’re moving to Miami to help Brooke’s career as a new pop diva.
Brooke and Linda are arguing because Linda thinks that Brooke is dressing too sexy for moving day. They also pack their 75 animals into a car. Linda scolds the Hulkster. This man slammed Andre the Giant. You don’t talk to him that way. Linda is going crazy because it’s hailing in Miami and she can’t handle it. Her Rolls Royce is getting hailed on and blames the rain for her problems. Nasty Nick is schooling his mom because he’s asking her why they didn’t come to the new house to get things arranged before they moved out of the old one. The Hulkster tells Linda to check into a hotel and Linda doesn’t like that idea because she has animals and needs to find a place for them.
The Hulkster being the great man that he is leaves to the gym like he is scurrying out of there trying to get away from the woman. Linda must’ve rubbed off on him because he’s complaining about not being able to work out in his own house. The spoiled children leave to get out of the house because their mother is driving them nuts leaving Linda and the animals. She is now yelling at the helpers and she can’t handle it. She goes to take a bubble bath and one of the helpers walks in on her and even though she’s completely covered in bubbles and goes crazy again.
Hogan scolds Brooke and Nick for running out on mom. Brooke starts helping and is wearing the same dress Linda didn’t want her to wear in the first place. Classic. Linda says she wants to buy lots of houses and Hogan says that he’s only a wrestler and isn’t rich like Tom Cruise, but is as handsome as him. I’d agree. I might even say handsomer. Linda asks if she should find Tom Cruise and Hogan says, “Be careful what you wish for.” Don’t worry Hulk. That won’t ever happen.
After all that, the best part of this show is when Brooke goes to hand the radio station to drop off the single and be live in studio. And Linda sings along with Brooke, while Hulk raps with Paul Wall. That was priceless.
Oct 24 2006
With my father’s recent birthday, I started to think about what it takes to be a dad. I think about my childhood and how non-dramatic it was. There weren’t any huge crisises. I remember one time being in class and we had to draw what we feared. Lots of kids feared things that I didn’t even think were scary. Graduating from high school. If they should go to college. What they were going to do with their life when they were out of their house. I had such built in confidence that it wasn’t even an issue. I knew that I was graduating, going to college, and with hard work would be successful. These things weren’t even hard to perceive. There were just as they were going to be.
I think a lot of that came from what I got out of home. Stability. Confidence. Love.
And as I started to think about being a father and what it means, it actually does kind of scare me. What I give my boys will be monumental in their lives. How I interact with them today will influence how they shape their own little lives. I started thinking about how much I work when I’m around them. And when I do play with them, how I can zone out at times because I’m worrying about something else. I also think about what their words mean to them. Sometimes I think I know the answers to their questions because I was once their age. All of these things come into my head when I think about what it takes to be a dad. But what lessens the meaning of those thoughts and criticisms I have of me is that while I might not have been given this big book on how to be a dad, I have that big book of knowledge just twenty minutes away in San Jose. He lives where I used to live. He eats at the same dinner table that I used to eat at. He uses the computer I used to use. Thankfully, his name is dad.
Oct 19 2006
If you haven’t read The Annihilation of Erberto before, I’d suggest you read that before you read this. It will give you a better outlook on Erberto Jr.
The death of Erberto Moran affected everyone who ever knew him. He didn’t have the proper funeral. What car wants to be picked up by a man in a red bowtie who works for the insurance company? What car doesn’t want to know that his parts outlasted his motor? Much like an organ donor, Erberto wanted to give his great pieces away before he passed on. But it was not meant to be. In his own words, he went out like a chump. But he did tell me one thing before he went out. He told me to buy another similar to him, specifically his spawn. He knew that if I did that, his legacy would live on and my driving life would be better for it.
But I couldn’t get into car shopping. It felt like betrayal. Even though I could hear Erberto from car heaven saying, “Do or do not, there is no try,” I couldn’t do. I could hardly try. Carol decided that she would take the ball and run with it and with the money the insurance company gave us, she would try to do what Erberto asked. She would try to find the son of Erberto. Where would she find him though? We could always go to the Gavilan Honda dealership where we first bought Erberto, but Carol decided to try another route. She put out a note on Craig’s List asking about silver Hondas. We received a few responses and requested pictures. None of them had the same glimmer. None of them looked as happy as Erberto looked. None of them had the spunk.
We pretty much gave up until we saw one last reply. It was from an Asian man named Yung. Coincidently enough, his last name was Randall. Now I’ve never met an Asian man with the last name of Randall, but this was a sign. I knew this was the man who owned the spawn of Erberto.
Carol made all the contacts. Carol saw the car. She drove the car. It was a 2002 version of what looked like Erberto. It had leather interior, sun roof, CD and cassette player, automatic controls for moving the seat back and forth, and radio pre-set controls on the steering wheel. But other than that, it looked exactly like Erberto. It was the exact same color as well. The handbook calls it “Metallic Silver” or something like that, but I just call it “Erberto Silver”. Everything was the same. But there was one more test. Only the spawn of Erberto could pass this test. If the test failed, all my hopes would be crushed and we’d have to start over. Almost defeatedly, I asked the possible new Erberto one question. I asked him if he had the pepper. And I waited. And waited. And I finally heard it. “Yah man.” I nearly wept. It was Erberto Jr.
Double Bri and Double J got in and though the new leather seats in the back were a bit slippery, they started to chant. “Erberto, Erberto, Erberto.” And I started to chant with them. We drove down the street singing the praises of his name. He was even a little more powerful than the old man. He had a little more pepper than the OG Erberto. But the smile was the same. The glimmer was the same. And most importantly, Erberto Jr. had the same testicular fortitude that the old man had. It’s Erberto Jr.‘s world, and we’re just squirrel’s trying to get a nut.
Oct 18 2006
Before I get started, shout out to C Tha OG who gave me a brand new banner. And yes, it gives me great feeling.
Last year I watched and blogged this show and had so much fun with it, that I decided to do it again. The show is a pretty sweet nod to those of us who understand that hip hop wasn’t always about charting and making music commercially viable. If it was hot, people bought it. But it’s also a pretty decent education for the new hip hop fan who thinks that Biggie and Tupac are old school. Shall we proceed?
Oct 15 2006
I originally wrote this review on Epinions.com.
Even though it feels like it based on the marketing of this movie, The Marine isn’t Vince McMahon’s first foray into film production. In 1989, McMahon and Hulk Hogan tag teamed to make a movie called No Holds Barred. It was B-movie film making at it’s finest. And though Hogan didn’t have to stretch that far to play a wrestler (though some would argue that), he was so over the top that it was laughable. And if Joan Severance showed more skin, it would’ve been up all night with Gilbert Gottfried. There was also a horror film earlier this year starring WWE star Kane called See No Evil that McMahon produced as the first film under the new WWE Films banner. See No Evil wasn’t successful, but it also didn’t cost much to make, so when it comes out on DVD, it will probably make a few dollars.
And while Kane’s movie did come out first, The Marine is the film that Vince McMahon is counting on to jumpstart WWE films. It stars Vince McMahon’s new favorite wrestler, John Cena. Cena is the person in WWE currently who has the most crossover appeal and much like the Rock, has a ton of charisma. He was the natural choice to start it all off, and next year, Stone Cold Steve Austin’s vehicle called Condemned which supposedly is similar to The Running Man, is also scheduled to carry the ball.
John Cena plays John Triton who is a discharged butt kicking Marine. The reason he becomes discharged is because he disobeys a direct order, but in doing so, saves three hostages in Iraq. Because he is a Marine and can’t be anything else, he has troubles adjusting to a regular life, even coming home to his attractive wife played by Kelly Carlson from Nip/Tuck. Early on, Carlson’s role seems to simply be there to look pretty, but that is definitely not the case the rest of the way. Facially, she has a resemblance to former WWE diva Stacy Keibler of Dancing With The Stars fame. Triton is so worried that he will get bored at home, even though his wife doesn’t seem to work, that he wants to immediately leave his house once he is discharged. His excuse for not wanting to be home? Because his wife married a Marine.
They decide to go on a short vacation. While at a gas station, evil bad guy played by Robert Patrick, who has just thieved loads of diamonds, eyes Triton’s car as a getaway car after his paranoid bodyguard shoots a cop who is simply there to pump gas. Low and behold, Triton’s wife is in the car and she becomes their hostage. The chaos begins.
Cena’s role is to keep his mouth shut, flex his muscles, and run. He runs so much in this film, you’d think he was related to Forrest Gump. I may be exaggerating slightly, but if he had more than 30 lines of dialogue, I’d be surprised. The dialogue is saved for Patrick who is a good actor, but does a bad impression of Christopher Walken. He tries to portray himself in the vein of the old hipster, but it’s such a bad rip off, you sit there staring at the cake on his face to hide his oldness.
Most of the film, Patrick (known as Rome) changes from bad a** to pervert to comedian. And there’s really no rhyme or reason for him to change at all. It was as if the director (John Bonito) told him to be the smarmiest bad guy of all time. The problem with it is that Patrick’s character doesn’t really have a reason to do all the killing that he does. He does it because he can. And sometimes that works. But Patrick is such the focus of the film, that the lack of depth in his character is very transparent. Cena can get away with his dog and pony show because he’s on a mission. He wants to get his wife back. So everything he does is out of anger and love for his wife.
Carlson doesn’t necessarily play a damsel in distress. Being married to a Marine, she’s quite the tough cookie, even though she’s probably one hundred fifteen pounds soaking wet. She’s a fighter and though half the movie she’s not sure if her husband is dead or alive, she never gives up. Abigail Bianca plays Angela, Rome’s love interest. Her character is odd because she’s in love with Rome, mostly because he’s a dangerous thief, but she’s also his business partner, and he spends part of the movie trying to play the ladies man. Her character probably needed to be a bit more thought out, but she does a decent job at what she’s given. Another character who is interesting, but doesn’t exactly nail down one specific thing well is Anthony Ray Parker’s Morgan. Morgan plays the racial angle, the gay angle, and the trigger happy bad guy angle, all in the same role. The racial jokes are so lame that you just wish they just recycled old 48 Hours jokes and tried to pretend they were new. The gay angle is hinted at early on as a punchline to a joke and then is expounded on in more detail much later. This character had a chance, but rather than do one or two things right, the character is given too many things and fails at just about all of them.
After the first thirty minutes, which has some of the worst acting and dialogue of any non-horror movie that you’ll see in the theaters this year, the movie kicks into gear with all of the action. For some reason, most of the action scenes are cut in a way where you don’t see much of actual punching and kicking. The scenes cut away so quickly, you can’t tell what is going on. This doesn’t only happen once or twice. It happens a lot. The scenes are frantically edited in a way that reminds you of a music video. Speaking of music, there will be no awards given for the music. Being that the film is directly aimed for the teenage to early 20’s demographic, you’d expect some loud and hip music. Nope. The music is taken right out of the 80’s. You see things blow up, Cena running, Patrick smirking, and the best they could do is give you music reminiscent of television cop dramas.
Because the ending is so predictable, the fun is in trying to decide how it’s going to end. Cena’s character is near death in so many chaotic ways that you figure the ending will be anticlimactic because they’d already used every Hollywood action trick in the book. It’s also the kind of movie where your hero is blown to pieces numerous times and he comes out of it with only a scratch on his cheek. I guess they figured that there was no way you could take it seriously, so it would be silly to play close attention to detail.
In the end, you get a little bit of a heart rate increase, but are also waiting for it to end. You don’t really get an idea if John Cena can be an action star or not. His character is simply one out for revenge, and with the little dialogue he has, you’d think he was a foreigner with a heavy accent or something. He definitely has the look, but he’s much too muscular. Much like the Rock, if he were to do any more movies, he’d probably have to slim down.
You’re going to have to suspend disbelief. More likely than not, you won’t be able to. You’ll shake your head at the improbable action sequences, the horrible dialogue, and the badly written characters. The Marine isn’t as bad as No Holds Barred, but that is not saying much. Vince McMahon is going to have to pick better scripts if WWE Films is going to be a success.
Oct 12 2006
Other than raising his eyebrow, doing one armed push-ups, and rolling his eyes back so that you can only see the whites, Double J can pretty much do everything. He is very coordinated and can mimick things he sees very well.
Frustrated in his attempts to roll his eyes back so that you can only see the whites, he decided to cheat. This was taken at his last flag football game. Notice the mouth piece still in his mouth.
