When I was growing up, I thought that Chaka Khan was like this B-girl who made music that people liked to break dance to. Little did I know that she was historically one of the greatest female R&B singers, and originally in the group Rufus. Why did I think that? Because of this song.
Chaka-chaka-chaka-khan.
I thought Turbo and Ozone were supposed to be in every Chaka Khan video.
I feel for you Chaka … I think I love you too Chaka.
That white dude was gettin’ down.
I’ve always wondered why she stood next to a half gated fence throughout.
I saw just a tiny bit of the Re-Run dance. Word to Fred Berry. RIP.
Did they just moonwalk off that ramp?
I like the scarves deal, but Turbo has to dance with a broom again.
I always liked it when Fingertips Part 2 all of a sudden came out of nowhere in this song.
How many takes until Chaka got the scratchin’ part right?
Turbo should’ve been a bigger star than he was.
I believe Prince wrote this, and I’ve heard that Stevie actually played on this record, but I’m not sure. I think I also heard that Grandmaster Melle Mel was on the record as well (I’m not hip hop enough to know what he even looks like, sad to say). Mike, you need to help me out here.
She actually has a new album out called Funk This.
If I could nominate a twosome for the Great, Great Man Award it would be these two gentlemen.
You see, last weekend was Double J’s 7th birthday party. Eddy Zucko and Shoesless Mike were there and decided to play some games with the kids. As I was taking pictures, I decided to slide the setting to the video setting and shoot some video as they just looked like they were having such a great time.
My dad and I had a different outlook on the game last weekend, in which the 49ers beat the Arizona Cardinals in overtime. He was just gracious for the victory, while I was kind of left with a bad taste in my mouth with how the Cardinals gave the game away. I’ll go line by line and follow his words.
To win is divine. The game was played with enthusiasm and meaning.
I really can’t say anything about that. The 49ers, especially on offense played with tons of enthusiasm. And you can look directly at Frank Gore, who I said last week is one of the only guys who looks supremely upset at how the team is playing. He definitely willed himself to be a difference maker in the game. He was obviously playing hurt, but playing with the kind of motor he played with all last year.
You couldn’t tell from the get go that this was going to be a win, especially since Zona scored first.
You couldn’t tell necessarily, but you could tell very early on that the 49ers were at least going to be competitive. My only worry was that Trent Dilfer wasn’t going to play well enough to stay with Kurt Warner and the Cardinals. He proved me wrong.
What I liked most about the game was that it wasn’t sloppy, there weren’t a lot of penalties, though there were a few dropped passes.
It wasn’t sloppy from an offensive perspective. From a defensive perspective, it was terrible. They gave up nearly 500 yards passing, and gave up a Hail Mary pass at the end of the first half that resulted in a touchdown for Larry Fitzgerald. Who gives up Hail Mary’s except when Doug Flutie is throwing?
The 49ers do drop a lot of passes. Darrell Jackson finally made a couple plays this weekend (only about 11 weeks late), but he also dropped several passes. The guy has bricks for hands. Dilfer took everything that Arizona gave him, but any pass over 20 yards was fluttering like Tony Romo’s heart when he first saw Carrie Underwood. Too bad he couldn’t seal the deal. That was hard to watch, but Frank Gore made it all better.
Franklin Gore
The game was well played, even if it was by two mediocre teams. It was exciting to watch.
Mediocre might be a bit kind. Again, from an offensive perspective, it was exciting. I’m not sure if it was necessarily well played, but at least it was fun to watch for once. My big issue with the game is that it took Kurt Warner being a failure as a quarterback for the 49ers to win. Warner is the only guy who can throw for 500 yards and still look like he’s ready to lose the game at any time. To give credit to the 49ers, they kept playing hard until the final whistle. If anything, the thing I liked most about that game is that no matter what, the 49ers were playing hard. At no point did it seem like they were getting impatient, which hasn’t been the case, nearly all year long.
Yay for Ron Fields! He is no Cedric Hardman, or Fred Dean, but he did the job.
Or Bryant Young.
Gore is back! But for how long?
He’s needs to be on the field in order for them to compete. If not, there’s not much chance.
This review was originally written on Epinions.com.
In Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium, Dustin Hoffman plays Mr. Magorium, who I can only describe as a mix of Doc from Back To The Future and Willy Wonka. He is the owner of a magical toy store, where the toys come to life and it works as well as a daycare as it does as a toy store. Mr. Magorium is zany, yet uplifting. He’s a character with the volume turned up to the highest max. But his character becomes so annoying, that trying to suspend disbelief becomes hard. When the more normal and real characters like Natalie Portman’s Molly Mahony (known simply as Mahony throughout) and Jason Bateman’s Henry Weston appear, the movie becomes digestible again.
The story surrounds the transfer of the toy store from Mr. Magorium, who is over 200 years old and knows that it’s his time to die because he has run out of shoes, to Mahony, who is a classic pianist who is in a creativity rut. She loves the store, but believes that her life needs to be more than just running a toy store. She has to be convinced by Eric, who is played by Zach Mills, and later, negative accountant Henry, that her destiny should be in doing what she loves, not what she’s expected to do.
The movie works for a few reasons. Maybe the most important reason is that writer and director Zach Helm was able to get a film made that is a children’s film through and through. Disney films that are made for kids today don’t always have G ratings. Because of the allure for the box office dollar and drawing adults, most cartoons today are littered with sexual innuendo and adult humor. With this film, it’s a pure G rated film. That’s actually a fantastic accomplishment.
The second reason the movie works is because the story and characters are simple. The four characters I named above are on the screen for the majority of the movie. There’s no one else even worth mentioning, except the four of them. Who knew that Jason Bateman wouldn’t look much different from the character he played on Hogan’s Family some twenty years ago? The guy hasn’t aged a bit, and his charm works very well in this film. He’s simply likable and fits very well on screen with Portman, who may define likable. Portman’s Mahoney is wholesome, and is maybe the cutest goody too shoes in movie history in this film. Mills is great too with his goofy kid faces and if anyone ever wanted to do a life story on Alfred E. Newman, Mills is the perfect fit for the child version because of these killer ears that stick out like megaphones out of his head.
The story shouldn’t be so workable because of Hoffman’s over the top Magorium. But because of the other three, it does and it’s the kind of family movie that just makes you smile at the end, as long as you don’t take it too seriously. It’s sappy and takes the easy way out in certain situations to get tears, but compared to what’s put out there for kids today, give me Magorium any day of the week. Adults will have to put up with some eye rolling scenes, but at least we have Portman and Bateman. Not since Teen Wolf 2 have I been so impressed with the brother of Mallory from Family Ties. Just kidding.
Take the kids to see it and let the magical toy store take you back to when trips to toy stores were the most important trips of the year.
I hated the poem Beowulf. Having to read it in college, it made nearly no sense to me, and the language was so hard for me to understand, I still have a bad taste in my mouth today. I planned on avoiding the new movie based on the poem, but a friend was interested in checking it out, and though I was ok with watching American Gangster again, I agreed to relive my horror.
To my surprise, not only was this film animated, but it was also in 3-D. Throughout the movie, I remembered certain things that I didn’t like about the poem, including the naming of a special sword called Hrunting. Why was this sword named, and why was it named Hrunting? I had this question at 18, and I still have it now. But I did remember some of the characters’ names like Hrothgar and his wife, Wealtheow.
The new animated version of Beowulf is directed by Robert Zemeckis. There’s an immense attention to detail when it comes to the animation. Just 19 years ago, he directed Who Framed Roger Rabbit? which was a technological juggernaut for it’s time. And just three years ago, he directed The Polar Express which was magical in it’s animation, even though I was bored to tears by the story. Beowulf is a huge advancement from even The Polar Express. You could say that the difference between the animation in the two films is like the difference in regular television and the high definition signal. And in 3-D, which is the version of the movie I saw, it’s more interesting because the small details pop out even more.
The story follows a great warrior who comes to save King Hrothgar and his men from a killing monster named Grendel, who seems to be annoyed that the men are celebrating in the hall called Heorot. After Grendel tears some of his men to shreds, King Hrothgar closes down the hall to stop the merriment. When Beowulf comes, he requests that the hall be opened back up, to lure the beast back so he can kill it. One of Hrothgar’s men, Unferth, voiced brilliantly by John Malkovich, challenges the tales of heroicism that Beowulf tells. Malkovich is so great, that you wish that Unferth was an even bigger part of the movie than he was. His men sing, while he feigns sleeping, and when Grendel attacks, he has an answer for the ugly monster who looks like an overgrown and shriveled up Smeagol/Gollum. The rest of the film deals with how Beowulf becomes king, and how he figures out how to pacify Grendel’s mother. It ends with a fiery battle with a dragon.
When reading Beowulf, I would’ve never imagined that Grendel’s mother would sound like and look like Angelina Jolie. I rolled my eyes when I saw that Grendel’s mother was created to look like an animated Jolie. The only thing missing was all her children. When thinking about reading the poem, I don’t remember Grendel’s mother hitting on Beowulf or trying to have sex with him, like she does in this movie. I remember them having a battle to the death, but that part was changed here. They also teased that Grendel was actually Hrothgar’s son, so he would’ve had to do the freaky deaky with Grendel’s mother (can’t we give her a name?). This is actually the storyline in the Beowulf film from the late 90’s.
I was very surprised at the nudity and suggested sexuality that really surrounded the first part of the film. If you have a young child, this is not the cartoon for them. The film is rated PG-13, but with dialogue that talks about Beowulf’s third leg, his naked backside and the Austin Power’s like hiding of his penis by usage of objects, and also Grendel’s mother’s naked breasts, it probably should’ve been rated R. The violence is predictable because if you know the story, it has to be gory.
There is some fine voice work by Jolie, Anthony Hopkins (Hrothgar), and even Robin Wright Penn, who voices Wealtheow. At points in the film, the animation and voice work combine so well together, that I forgot it was an animated movie. As the film gets closer to the end, the characters get older, and the animation isn’t as true, because the characters still have to have a certain glow, but it’s really nitpicking. And if I were to nitpick, I’d complain that the old version of Beowulf looked exactly like Kris Kristofferson on steroids.
I loved the animation and vocal work the best. I hated the sexual innuendo in the script, and the changes in the story. And this is from someone who hated the original poem. But I would suggest that if you can see it in 3-D, go for it. I liked it more so seeing it that way, and I would’ve if I hadn’t.
This review was published originally on Epinions.com.
The Black Album was supposed to be his swan song. It was to be the perfect ending. For every song, there was to be a different producer. While it didn’t end up that way, it was still a concept that he thought would put that exclamation point on his career. It ended up being the third best album in his catalog, at least in my opinion. But it didn’t turn out to be his last album.
If his recording career was to ever end, American Gangster might be the best way to go out. When I saw Sylvester Stallone’s Rocky Balboa, the sixth and final Rocky, I determined that it was the perfect ending. It was like the perfect bookend to the first film. If someone watched the first film, and then the last, they would still get the entire picture without needed to watch the ones in between. That’s how I feel about this album for Jay-Z. Reasonable Doubt is such a strong album, that anything he puts out gets immediately compared to it. But American Gangster is Jay-Z coming full circle. It’s a mix of his two best albums, being that The Blueprint is arguably is his second best. Some have called the new album, “Reasonable Blueprint”. Whatever it is, it’s definitely a throwback to those two albums, with the soulful beats and the hustler speak.
He decided to record the album after watching an early screening of the Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe flick of the same name. Jay-Z would say that Washington’s Frank Lucas character stirred up feelings inside him that he hasn’t had in years. He would say that the main reason he couldn’t ever create another Reasonable Doubt is because it wouldn’t be true. It wouldn’t be based on true feelings. He wasn’t in that place anymore. But thanks to Frank Lucas, he was back in that space. Being in that space gives the album an honest and grown up feeling. It’s not the same hungry Jay-Z weaving tales of his hustler days, so much as it’s a mature Jay-Z reflecting on the tales of his hustler days. There’s your bookend.
He says that his drug days were really his start, as without them, he wouldn’t have been able to start recording. With the opening song, Pray which features Beyonce talking, rather than singing, he paints an exact picture of his hustler days.
Mind state of a gangster from the 40’s
Meets the business mind of Motown’s Berry Gordy
Turned crack rock into a chain of 40/40’s
Right off the bat, he shows you that he’s hungry and ready. Surprisingly, much of the soulful production is done by someone whose team of producers is back on the block. Diddy and his Hitmen come correct the entire way in producing half of the album. The only issue I have with their production is that I would’ve preferred for it to be a bit grittier and less clean, but come on, this is Diddy.
American Dreamin’ samples Marvin Gaye’s Soon I’ll Be Loving You Again and if only Gaye would’ve lived through the hip hop era, he possibly could’ve graced this track himself. It’s kind of ironic that Gaye’s voice is on a track that is a reflection about trying to get into the drug dealing game, being that one of Gaye’s vices was the white powder. Everything production-wise works on this track. Jay’s vocals are more hushed, giving the track a serious emphasis.
No Hook is more what I was expecting when I thought about what the album was going to sound like. It sounds like it could’ve been in the movie Shaft, it’s so retro, and would’ve fit perfectly on the gloomy and grumpy Vol. 1, which was his second album. Sweet is very similar. It sounds like a 70’s funk record. Roc Boys (And The Winner Is)… is the exact opposite sonically. Horns are a blarin’ and it’s really a party song, where Jay and his “Roc Boys” are the “dope boys” of the year, and thus, they can afford everything. It’s on the house. The song is hot and I guarantee you Todd Bridges (aka Willis Jackson) would’ve been at this party.
Party Life is a bit pretentious as it’s his chance to simply brag, but it also features my favorite line on the album.
Please, there’s no equal
Ya boy is Off the Wall
These other n***** is Tito
Shout out to Randy.
After flippin’ Superfreak in a way that MC Hammer would’ve never been able to follow for Jay’z Kingdom Come last year, Just Blaze does it again. On Ignorant S***, Blaze takes another oft sampled song (this time, the Isley’s Between The Sheets) and gives it new life. Though it’s the most preachy song on the joint, trying to say that music lyrics aren’t any more important than any other media, thus they shouldn’t get blamed as much as they are, you simply get lost in the beat.
If Michael Jackson and Prince ever got together to do a record (and it nearly happened), what could they sing about? Success maybe? Well, for their second go ‘round together, that’s exactly what Jay-Z and Nas rap about. No I.D. gives the song a heavyweight background for the heavy hitters. All they do is brag about how great they are, but what else could they possibly rap about together. You can tell there’s still that competitive rivalry, which is really what’s great about it.
Fallin’ and Say Hello were Jay’s chance to show that he can still go. The latter, thanks to the hook, comes off as a little sing songy, but his rhyming is as close to the old Jay-Z that you’ll get. Really, the only production on the album that doesn’t hold up is provided by none other than Skateboard P. His I Know would’ve worked fine on another album, but on this one, it’s just out of place. After listening to soulful street poetry for six songs in a row, this one stands out like a dislocated pinky finger with the hallow drums. Also, while I love 90% of Blue Magic, which was the wrong single to go with out of the box, when Pharrell starts singing Hold On instead of En Vogue, I cringe. You’re telling me that Dawn and company were too busy to sing on this track? Pharrell needs to understand that Drop It’s Like It’s Hot is a once in a lifetime deal, and he shouldn’t try to redo that song every time he gets behind the glass. Just Blaze comes back one more time for American Gangster and this could’ve fit right alongside Poppin’ Tags from Blueprint 2.
It helps to run Def Jam. What other artist could get the green light to record an album like this, in such a short time? But when Jay-Z’s hungry, you have to feed the man. He’s one of the best, even though some younger fans who first heard Reasonable Doubt after hearing The Blueprint, think that you can’t progress in hip hop, and only should go back to what made you. You can never go back.
More so because I don’t feel like taking the time to find the perfect song and write about it, I’m going to take the easy way out today. Since yesterday was Thanksgiving, and the main food on the tables for about 75% of folks was turkey, I give you, Adam Sandler’s Thanksgiving Song.
When your team has lost eight games in a row, there aren’t too many things to be thankful for. But I’m going to think of some. But before I do, here’s what my dad had to say about losing to the Rams.
We are the saddest team in the league. It is going to be tough to watch the rest of the year. I even heard Brian say the Niners suck. Wow!! We need someone to make us cheer again. It is probably not going to be Alex Smith, or Trent Dilfer. How about Michael Robinson at QB? The game was full of dropped passes, poor throws, bad tackling. Poor play calling. I think what you have been saying from the beginning (is right). The coaches have no faith in the offense, so they call a run up the middle on 3rd and 10, or an onside kick to make us think that they are pulling out all the stops. Their hearts are weak. Oh were have you gone Joe Dimaggio? Oh Obi Wan were are you?
So in that last part, I think my dad was trying to recreate the scene from Star Wars, where Princess Leia was saying, “Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.” Either that, or when C3PO was chastising R2D2.
There was one call in last week’s game that simply had to infuriate 49ers fans. Instead of going for it on 4th down after moving the ball for the only time in the game, Mike Nolan called for a field goal. The problem was, down by 7, with less than 2 minutes left in the game, you have to go for the touchdown. You can’t expect to score twice, especially when you had only 6 points all game long. And the field goal wasn’t a gimme either. And if the reason you chose to kick a field goal was because you believed your defense could hold the Rams to give the offense another shot, maybe I can see kicking a field goal. But then when they kicked an onside kick, it showed me at least, that Nolan was simply hoping for a miracle. And when your coach hopes for a miracle in a 7 point game, I’m not really sure what to think. It’s pretty sad. However, I have found some things to be thankful for.
I am thankful for:
Mike Nolan’s suits - He’s not the handsomest coach in the league for nothing.
Mike Nolan’s goatee - It goes great with the suit.
Those throwback uniforms - If they can’t play like the 49ers of old, at least they can look sweet like them.
The BW on the back of the helmets - Even though you’d think they’d play inspired football after dedicating the season to one of the greatest coaches in any sport of all time, it was still a classy gesture.
Alex Smith’s lack of chastity belt - He’s not a virgin like Tony Romo.
Arnaz Battle - He is a legitimate 3rd or 4th receiver on a good team, but on this team, is the number one and probably sees the best corner on the other team every day. And he plays just like his last name suggests. He battles.
Before The Beard
Frank Gore - He is one of the only guys on the team who legitimately looks pissed when the offense fails.
Nate Clements - He brings that swagger to the defense, who is simply on the field far too much and if they had an offense that could move the ball, would be a pretty darn good defense.
Steve Young and Ronnie Lott - They call out the team’s lack of franchise pride on a weekly basis.
Patrick Willis’ tackles - He’s the one bright spot when it comes to statistics.
Andy Lee’s right leg - They should nickname him “Boomer”.
Ok, when you’re thankful for the punter, I think that’s where you should end it.
Just something like 14 months ago, I was for once, completely on my own. I wasn’t living with my parents, nor Carol, and it was just me, and every other day or so, the boys. It was definitely a struggle. Not so much having to do with the daily life stuff that I once shared with someone else, but more so, just learning how to deal with the silence. I’ll give you an example.
I’m not sure that since the kids were born, that I slept completely soundly throughout the night. I’m a light sleeper as it is, so any sort of noise would wake me up. Any sort of worry about the kids would wake me up. Any rumbling of someone running into my room would wake me up. Today, those little things still wake me up, but just less frequently. Since the kids don’t sleep over every night, the noises from above my apartment wake me up, and I’d be ready to go check on them, but then silently just fall back asleep dejectedly once I remember that I’m not living at the house anymore. In a sense, it saddens me to wake up and be ready to protect, and have no one to protect. But it’s also just something that I have to get used to. I’m still not used to it.
There were also times that I felt so lonely, that all I could do was try to go to sleep. I would anticipate having to drop off the kids and would be irritably sad even before I dropped them off. I had to figure out ways to not be lonely without them. And I just kept myself busy through cleaning up, writing, or reading. I rarely have that feeling now. I still feel lonely at times, but the depression that came with it is gone.
But this post isn’t about what issues I struggled with. It’s more about who I’ve become. I’m very much in a spot in my life, where I think I’ve really grown up, and I’m really content with who I’ve become. When you come from a situation where at 23 years old, you go from living at home, to living with someone you love with a baby on the way, and just 16 months later, another child on the way, you really don’t have a chance to think about anything. You just move. And you move quickly. Now 8 years later, you’re not moving as quickly. There was now a lot of time to reflect on what happened and why it happened. There was even more time to reflect on how I wanted things to be and how I didn’t want our family split up, even though, I had every right to be selfish and hurt. But it was a choice I made to not be that way. In fact, I wanted to be just the opposite. I wanted to give myself more to my family and even though Carol and I were separated, and even though she had already moved on, it was even more important for me to get things right. I was being selfish in the other way. I wouldn’t allow my kids to see anything but their parents as not only friends, but good friends. And in order to do that, I had to check my pride at the door, and accept Jesus as the new man in Carol’s life. It was obvious to me, that in order to do things right, I couldn’t just be fake with him. I had to earn and gain his friendship as well. And in order to do that, I had to completely forget about the past and move on. I have done that. And in a couple weeks, Carol and I will be completely divorced and I can actually say, our friendship is stronger than ever.
When I gauge the most important things I’ve done in my life, other than having kids, repairing my relationship with Carol is tops. We have met each other 50/50 and our family works. The 5 of us can have dinner together. And when Jesus’ kids are there, it’s the 7 of us. My parents are still involved, as is my sister, and just recently, something sort of miraculous happened. After nearly two years of trying to get my parents on the same page with what I was trying to do, it happened. And it kind of happened out of the blue. I remember having a conversation with my mother one day and she was mentioning how odd it was what Carol and I were trying to do. When I told her that everyone outside my family thinks that what we’re doing is special, and that the only people who thought it was weird was my family, the people who truly mattered, she made a comment that she would try to stand behind me. But my dad was still angry. I wasn’t exactly sure what he was angry about. It could’ve been because he thought I was getting the raw end of the deal. It could’ve been because he thought he wasn’t going to see the kids as much anymore. It could’ve been because he thought his family was just going to be different from here on out and was fighting it. But it wasn’t good enough for me. He needed to be on the same page, in order for everything that Carol and I were trying to get right, to actually be right. A couple months ago, he came around, and right now, I can say, life is pretty good. It’s good that Carol and I aren’t married to each other (at least in a couple weeks we won’t be). We’re much better as friends. She’s in a relationship that works much better for her, and I have someone special in my life that is a much better match for me. While the kids still wish we were married, they have done so well in understanding the situation, and they embrace having a future step brother and step sister.
My cousin Nak mentioned to me the other day that it was hard for him to swallow that one day I had a large house and everything that I wanted, and then the next, I was living in an apartment. From the outside looking in, it does seem unfair. But from my perspective, I can’t look backwards. I never measured my own worth with materialistic items. I had many of those things taken away from me, but I never fell down, and stand taller than ever, as far as what I value in my life. I have great friends, great family, a loving relationship, support, a good job, the ability to do things in my spare time that I love doing, and a life that works. Just 14 months ago, I had a goal. And it when my parents accepted what my life had become, that goal was accomplished.
For once, unafraid, I can go where life leads me
And somehow I know I’ll be strong
Before I get into this, today, Double J turned seven. Yes, I’m old enough to be a father to an eight year old and a seven year old. He woke up telling his mother that it was the worst birthday ever, but I think he ended it happily enough. He’s now sound asleep. At least, I hope he is.
Also, let me share some wisdom. If you haven’t played any sort of hardcore sports in a long time, it’s probably not a great idea to play flag football and pretend you can still go all out. At about 1AM, I felt all of my muscles go stiff on me and I’ve been walking today like I was wearing stilts, only it was just my legs. Let’s get it going.
To show you how much I’ve been keeping up with this stuff, the only thing I knew about this show before hand was that Jimmy Kimmel was hosting. Hopefully there will be an Adam Corolla appearance.
They just announced that Fergie was the hottest female pop star. That Fergalicious got me suspicious, check it out.
It’s not Thanksgiving, but I’m thankful that I don’t have HD yet. I bet Fergie is even scarier in HD.
Actually, I’m probably just as thankful that I don’t have a stereo receiver, because she’s singing Big Girls Don’t Cry live. She misses me like a child misses his blanket.
Now it’s will.i.am’s turn and the crowd goes completely quiet. Dude, you have to sell more than a handful of your solo record to be solo on this show.
The dude is trying to be James Brown and maybe if James were drunk, or had half of a right leg, he’d come close.
Nicole Schwarchenegger is out next and she could be naked on stage and I wouldn’t care because I’ve pretty much seen everything in that Blender spread. And I don’t like the song very much.
The Terminator
Now that was as flat an opening as I’ve ever seen.
I just found out that Souja Boy is on this show. Someone needs to kick his ass.
Speaking of Soulja Boy, he just did the Soulja Boy dance with Jimmy Kimmel, Jordin Sparks, and Kelly Pickler. I just heard the words, “Superman that ho” on the Disney owned ABC. They should be ashamed of themselves.
Carrie Underwood is giving out the Best New Artist award, but before she gives it out, she claims that Tony Romo had a minuscule penis and kissed like a walrus.
Daughtry wins by the way.
That boy band, Rascal Flatts is performing tonight as well. I mean, that country group.
The single greatest man on earth just took the stage. His name is Ryno Seacrest.
Adam Levine has a great voice, but if you were to point to one guy who would be proof that white guys shouldn’t shave their heads, you’d point at him.
Ashanti (remember her?) just presented the Male R&B award, which Akon won, and he said that T-Pain deserves this “reward”.
Some young cats named the Jonas Brothers are out (and the lead singer bailed trying to get to the mic). Ah, I remember them from about 15 years ago when they had blond hair and were called Hanson.
The Jonas Sisters!
They introduced someone presenting as a, “number one rapper from Brooklyn” and nope, it wasn’t Jay-Z. It was FABO. I’d call that trickery.
Beyonce is in the audience. The Dreamgirls Soundtrack better win the soundtrack of the year. Dammit! High School Musical 2 just won. Maybe Beyonce can float some naked Vanessa Hudgens pictures out there. Wait, she already did that?
I really hate it that Rihanna loves Ne-Yo too.
Carrie Underwood just won the award for Best Female Country Artist, but this time, Faith Hill wasn’t around to give her the gas face.
I wonder how much they paid Beyonce to sing Irreplaceable with Sugarland? Especially the honky tonk version?
You know it’s a popularity contest when Daughtry beats out John Mayer in any sort of category.
I’m not surprised to see that Celine Dion is out here singing live. She knows she has a record to sell. But why is Lenny Kravitz out there singing live? When’s his record coming out? And where’s Denise Huxtable?
Who knew that Sean Kingston was really Keenan from Keenan and Kel?
Dancing With The Stars has really turned the clock back on Kelly Taylor. The woman looks almost fantastic enough to be married to Brandon Walsh now.
I’m the biggest MJ fan in the world, and I can still give Chris Brown props for his dancing. Now he just has to get that making songs that people want to hear part down.
Will Miley Ray Cyrus ever be able to be anything but Hannah Montana?
Carrie Underwood just won the very prestigious T-Mobile Text-In Award. I mean, I think Elvis Presley won that one back in ‘65.
Did Daughtry win again? I don’t think he’s thanked Randy or Paula yet.
It’s reggae night with Alicia Keys!
I Don’t Worry ‘Cause Everything Is Gonna Be Alright
Carrie Underwood is cleaning tonight. Tony Romo is in the locker room, staring at Terrell Owens’ naked backside. I wonder who’s having the better night?
Usher just presented Beyonce with the International Artist Award. Well, that’s what got her up there to perform with Sugarland.
You know, Mary J. Blige is blatantly stealing from Off The Wall era Michael Jackson with her new song Doin’ Fine, but you won’t find MJ in those stunna shades. Maybe that shade of lipstick though.
In 2007, how can Bone Thugs-N-Harmony win any sort of award? And more importantly, how can an award where Pretty Ricky and the Shop Boyz are also up for the same award, get on the television broadcast? You’d think that one gets presented right after Kirk Franklin wins his award that they gave out at the morning breakfast buffet.
You know that pop music sucks when Queen Latifah sounds ten times better live than Fergie, and the Queen wasn’t rapping.
Uh oh. Jay-Z’s in trouble. Rihanna just beat out Beyonce for Best Female R&B. And Rihanna thanked Jay, while Beyonce didn’t. Hmmmm.
Daughtry has the best selling album of 2007? Jeez, and here I thought it was Bone Thugs-N-Harmony.
I can actually fast forward through their performance because I only heard it at the end of every single elimination episode of American Idol. Where’s Daniel Powter when you need him? Having a bad day?
Fergie didn’t win an award all night that didn’t have to do with her having a resemblance to a toothy animal, and she wins the big one for the females. And she even thanked Tad Hamilton.
