My Entourage

My Entourage

Who is in my Entourage?

In late May, I received a text from a good friend.

my entourage

We won’t name names, but the person who I was having the conversation with is the person who said he’d be Ari Gold in our Entourage.

But I think his version of our Entourage was right on the money. So much, that I think I’ll do a break down.

By the way, I’ve seen the new Entourage movie twice already. Here’s my short review: if you enjoyed the HBO run or even part of the run, you’ll enjoy the movie enough to see it in the theater, but if you don’t like the show or didn’t watch the series, save it for iTunes.

Eric Murphy aka “E”

Getting dragged through your office in front of your entire staff by a guy half your size, now that’s tragedy.

Confession: I didn’t start watching Entourage until last year sometime. I specifically started to watch because I knew that my girl Ronda Rousey was going to be in the movie and I wanted to catch up with the series so I would be ready for the movie.

When I started watching, friends who were familiar with the show (shoutout to Lindsey and Tyler) asked me who I identified with most. I said “E”. E is the responsible one in the group, but he’s not risk averse. Remember when he did the hibbidy dibbidy with Sloan’s gross stepmom? Remember when he put the old man out of business? I’ve worked for startups most of my life and had two kids before I was 25 years old. That second part makes me less risk averse than even E sleeping with Sloan’s gross stepmom.

What else do we have in common? We both love Sloan. Or, as I like to call her, our national treasure Sloan. There are only two national treasures. One is J. Lo and one is Sloan. Just to set the table here, let’s share a photo.

Now, you see why she’s our national treasure.

Plus, if Sloan is the hottest one in the game, a close second (especially in this movie) is E’s girl from the beginning of the movie, played by Sabina Gadecki, ex-girlfriend (and they were together for a long time) of Warriors’ player David Lee. Poor David Lee.

Ari Gold

You will come back stronger then ever. Like Lance Armstrong. But with two balls.

The same guy who sent me the text, who we’ll call Mystery Cow, decided that he’d be Ari Gold. And I can’t argue that one bit.

I asked my youngest son JJ, who is now 14 years old, if he agreed that Cow was Ari and he immediately agreed. He didn’t take more than two seconds to say yes. And he hasn’t seen Mystery Cow probably since he was three years old when Cow drew a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle on his cast. That’s how big of an impression Cow leaves.

Let’s hug it out.

In case you need to take a sip of water and come back to this post, let’s glance at another photo of our national treasure.

Johnny Drama

No that’s when I did my three episode arc on 90210, sexually harassing Tori Spelling.

Edson aka Eddy Zucko fits Drama best out of our crew. I mean, who else would win the Fantasy Football championship and put their own face on the title belt?

My Entourage

That’s a Johnny Drama-like move right?

I’m pretty sure Ed would only go to the valley December through March and complain about having to constantly hydrate.

But, he’d definitely get his moment like Drama did at the end of the movie. Whoops, that may have been a spoiler.

Hold on, it’s time to make a sandwich. But I’ll leave you with something to tide you over.

Vincent Chase

We look at it like we’ve been dating for five years, with a four-and-a-half year break.

JJ was a little perplexed with this one. He wasn’t sure that Young Randall had the same panache as one Vinny Chase did. I told him that someone had to be Vince and it might as well be Young Randall. Plus, I’m sure his wife, The HJ, believes him to be at least 3/4th as handsome as Vinny Chase.

Young Randall and Vince have a similar build, though YR is taller I’m sure. They both sleep in the nude. Wait, why do I know this fact about both of them? They both have great heads of hair. They are equally gracious when it comes to paying the check. Hmm. That might be the end of the similarities, but hey, someone had to be Vinny Chase!

(Wait, I think I found another similarity. I’m sure Young Randall is a fan of one Sasha Grey.)

Before we get to Turtle, I have to brush my teeth. Eyeball this for a second.

And we’re back.


Sweetheart, look around. Vince is gone. So’s your sister and your best friend. Come on, just make out with me, I’ll show you where Vince eats breakfast.

Some of you might think that Blake aka Low Jones is Turtle for a physical reason, but no. It’s because they’re both so damn loveable and cuddly. Plus, I’m sure that Blake (if he was single) would’ve knocked the boots off Meadow Soprano.

And when it comes down to it, you need the guy who is ready to laugh at jokes, make people feel good, and just be the glue to the Entourage. I can see Blake being the glue guy. And then in the end, he gets to have relations with Ronda Rousey.

Now that I think of it, maybe I should be Turtle…

Fine. You twisted my arm. Before I get out of here, here’s a last one of our national treasure.

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