2016 MTV VMAs Live Blog


It’s the 2016 MTV VMAs. Let’s get it.

It’s time for the 2016 MTV VMAs. I live blog this show every year, so let’s have some fun, hope Britney Spears’ lip synching game is on point, and that Kanye West and Taylor Swift kiss and make-up. Okay, maybe not the kiss part.

I promise not to recycle the same material from previous years. Like Arsenio Hall once said when he hosted, “It’s funky like doo-doo.” Damn, already broke that promise. Oh well.

:00 – You gotta give it up for Rihanna. My girl ain’t even trying to sing. She’s dancing, no matter if she misses lyrics or not, all while wearing a shirt that says Hood By Air. You gotta love Ri-Ri.

:07 – Key and Peele are hosting and it’s cricket-time right now. They were like a punter who missed the ball completely. They’ll get better.

:11 – Diddy gives the first award for Best Hip Hop Video to Drake for Hotline Bling. For some reason, Drake wasn’t there. Maybe it’s because he didn’t want Diddy to throw a bottle at him.

Also, now that Cassie and Diddy might be on the outs, how many tantrums is he going to throw when all kinds of dudes try and spit game at her? It might get ugly.

:20 – Key and Peele got one good joke in and then kicked it to a MTV personality who I’ve never seen before. I used to know all the MTV personalities, I swear.

:23 – I don’t think this Ariana Grande sexy thing is ever going to work out. Can’t we wait until she hits puberty?

By the way, is she really dating Mac Miller?

MTV VMAs:35 – This isn’t good for MTV. First Drake isn’t there to accept his award and now Calvin Harris isn’t there after his win for Best Male Video. Calvin ends his taped speech by saying Taylor Swift was a rough lay. Okay, he didn’t really say that.

:42 – Jay Pharoah just did Kevin Hart wrong. He did a great impression of him, but sat on his knees to do it. Cold world.

:48 – It’s Yeezy time. I’m actually on edge. Or better said, I’m a bit uneasy about Yeezy.

I’ll just say this. Go visit Teyana Taylor’s Twitter page. Dear lord.

1:05 - Rihanna was back to work it and then grabbed her lady balls.

1:14 – I was trying to find something to say about Nick Jonas, who’s turned into a half-decent pop star, and then I saw this.

Try her Nick. Sing about that pulled pork.

1:22 – Serena Williams introduces her friend Beyonce. Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is.

1:31 – I’m not sure that I can explain this well, but a Beyonce concert broke out in the middle of the show. She did Lemonade for the entire crowd and it was one of the single greatest VMAs performances of all-time.

And she also did this:

And then she did this:

And then this:

What happens now? Do we just end the show? How does Britney Spears follow this?

1:44 – I have an idea for how Britney can bring the crowd back. Harambe.

1:48 – In the upset of the night, Fifth Harmony beat out Drake, Rihanna, Beyonce, and Kendrick in the Best Collabo Video. Hey, I love me some Fifth Harmony. X Factor 4 life!

1:52 – If Ros is in with Brit, I’m in with Brit.

2:03 – Beyonce won for Best Female Video. Did they really need to read the other nominees?

2:08 – Rihanna did ***** Better Have My Money. Sadly, she didn’t shout out AMG when it was over.

2:22 – I was doing really well tonight fam. I knew every single act until DNCE won the Best New Artist award and then the Chainsmokers performed. Sadness.

2:32 – Beyonce won Video Of The Year for Formation. Of course she did. Of course she did.

2:46 – Rihanna closed the show with her fourth performance of the night. And my man Drizzy finally got out of traffic. He said he’s been in love with her since he was 22. He presented her with the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard award. Ri-Ri for MVP.

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