After I got over the shock later in the day, I talked to another parent who was chaperoning the trip too and we started to talk about Seau. This parent knew Junior from his days in Southern California. He described him as someone who had it all and then allowed it to go all downhill. I didn’t really know Junior’s story, but immediately thought about concussions and depression and how that may have played a part into Junior committing suicide.

(We are still unsure what happened, but it’s rarely because of one thing. It’s probably a mix of different things that caused him to come to his conclusion.)

A couple of weeks ago, San Francisco Giants first baseman Aubrey Huff left the team for personal reasons, which turned out to be an anxiety problem. He was going through a separation from his wife, one in which he admitted to be mostly to blame for. Both of these situations reminded me about the time I suffered through depression, and for what ever reason, I felt the need to write about it.

Now, this blog has been a place for me to share and probably overshare certain things about myself. I haven’t felt the need to write about and share personal things recently, until now. I’m not exactly sure why, but I think it’s because both of those situations brought back some memories that don’t stir all that often anymore.

Depression ain’t no joke.

I don’t remember my emotions getting the best of me when I was younger, except for maybe some sports anxiety when I was 13 or 14. I’ve generally controlled my emotions through keeping a level head and not making a mountain out of a molehill. But when Carol and I separated, I started to feel a real lack of control. I remember trying to hit the gym a lot because I could take this newly found nervousness and at least do something with the energy. But there were also times where I’d find that my heart rate was abnormally high and I really couldn’t stop my heart from beating so fast. Those were scary times for sure.

That kind of nervousness or anxiety or whatever you’d call it lasted until I moved out of the house and it was replaced by a more depressed feeling which was related to not seeing the kids every second they were awake. I’d never really gone all that much time without being around them until then, except for the quick business trip that I’d book to be less than 48 hours. With kids, I was never alone. It was never silent. But away from them, it was always silent. And the silence was really deafening.

Being that it was a fairly new feeling, I really didn’t know what to do about it. I think I’d stopped going to therapy by then even though it was slightly helpful. I just didn’t like to hear myself talk about me so much. It was very awkward. Though I shared some of what I was feeling in my writing at the time, I didn’t really want people to know that I was having trouble dealing with the situation. I couldn’t allow the kids to feel what I was feeling and tried to suck it up whenever they were there. And really, it wasn’t hard. When they were around, I truly was happy. It was just when they weren’t that I could feel myself falling apart.

I am happy to say that I don’t remember the depression lasting all that long. I’m sure it may just feel like a distant memory and it may have lasted longer than I remember, but I figured out how to manage it and haven’t been in that place for a long time.

Whenever someone has talked about being depressed and I’ve been able to give them a bit of advice, I always start with the first rule. Whenever you feel depressed, you have to sit in your bedroom and listen to REM’s Losing My Religion just like Brenda Walsh did when she and Dylan broke up.

Okay, that’s probably the worst thing to do and I apologize for not being able to find the english version.

Actually, here are the things that worked for me (and I totally get that different things work for different people):

• Stay as busy as possible (including working out) – I found out that when I had nothing to do, the depression would set in quickly. The only thing that I would do was sleep and then wake up and be bummed out because I wasted the day. I figured that if I stayed busy with hobbies, I didn’t really have time to fret. I continued writing on this blog, wrote reviews for Epinions, and even opened up a new blog in 2008 (Fight Game Blog) and asked some friends and a few people I didn’t even know well to help me write it. We just passed post number 2,000 earlier today. I also started to get heavier into my interests. If I was interested, I was interested to the 10th power. It wasn’t just about knowledge, but as close to mastery as possible.
• Take on new challenges – I also took a job with Fanbase (and now Nextdoor) in San Francisco where I commuted (and still do) 170 miles round trip three times a week. If I was going to be away from the kids for the most part anyway, being away and forcing myself to have a very long day was much more productive and better for me than to be sitting home alone eating dinner by myself after work. It also helps working on a service that I believe in.
• Don’t turn away friends and family, embrace them – I had a positive support system and they all helped me out even if they didn’t know they were helping me. When you have an Eddy Zucko and a Young Randall, you really don’t need much else. Fine, there were others too. I went out with my sister, her now husband and cousins a lot, coached my kids with my dad’s help, and was with Jessica who helped me feel necessary. I couldn’t have asked for a better person to talk to every day during that time. Positive feedback is so beneficial and when you yearn and search for positive feedback, you’re probably doing positive things.
• All of those things you put off before, guess what, you have time now – Even though my kids weren’t with me all the time, they were around in photos and videos. I really started to have fun editing home videos and shot as much video of them as possible. And now, we do goofy stuff like this:

• Lastly, better yourself through education – Originally, I took Landmark classes because Carol was taking them and she was getting good things out of them. I went in there to communicate with her better so that we could raise our kids together and came out of it feeling more confident about myself. I also met some fine people there, a few who I continue to talk to today. We all went there for different reasons and bonded over getting through it together. It gave us all a little bit of ammo that we didn’t have before.

Sorry for the long post, but it’s rare that I get the feeling to write so personally like that and it probably won’t happen again any time soon. My next post will probably be of a new video of my kids. And hopefully, someone gets something positive out of this. I used to quote the Hardy Boyz’ “Exist 2 Inspire” and sometimes I can still do that. Hopefully it worked for some here.

Games 1 & 2

Games 3 & 4

Games 5 & 6

Game 7 against the Clippers

I’m of the opinion that there is no true end-all, be-all gadget, tablet, device, or whatever you’d like to call it. All have specific strengths and specific weaknesses. All are built toward a specific price with some adding features that may not be all that helpful, but are necessary to reach the luxury price. And also the likewise, such as the Amazon Kindle Fire, which is a great gadget that is missing some features, but also comes at a great price.

My son has a first generation iPad so I have something to compare my Kindle Fire to. My son’s iPad is slick, gorgeous, and comes with all of the fantastic Mac-specific features that all their products come with. And we’re a Mac family, so it fits right in with all of our other products. Thus, when I decided to get a Kindle Fire, there was a bit of apprehension because I’m used to Mac products.

But it was absolutely a strong buy. I was in the market for an iPad or Kindle Fire and really, price point was my main concern. Had there been an iPad product with a similar price point as the Kindle Fire, I would’ve probably gone with that instead, but since there isn’t, it wasn’t a hard decision to make.

I imagine reasons for choosing the Kindle Fire over the iPad are either weighted by price like mine, or some people simply just don’t want to support Apple. Rather than list out every spec, I’m going to list out what I believe are the strengths and weaknesses of the Kindle Fire.

Strengths

Price: As I said before, the price was the major selling point for me. At just $200, it’s a steal if you’re looking this type of gadget. When you’re more than half the cost of your largest competitor, it becomes a nice little market that you can own, well, that is until the iPad decides to create something similar. But hey, they may not.

Size: In this case, smaller is better. The reason why I didn’t mind the Kindle Fire’s smaller screen is because of the way I use it. The screen is only 7 inches compared the iPad’s 9.5 inch screen. However, I use my Kindle Fire when at the gym and doing cardio. In this case, the smaller screen works to my benefit because it’s much easier to place on a machine. Also, I use my Kindle Fire to watch video before bed and the smaller size makes it easier to handle. At times, I’ve felt the iPad is on the heavier side and maybe even too large to read from.

Durability: The iPad (and iPhone) seem so fragile. They are beautiful pieces of small machinery for sure, and I’m always worried about ruining it. I don’t feel that way with the Kindle Fire. It’s simply built to be more durable and less pretty. And I’m totally fine with that. I carry it around a lot and I’d worry more so if I had to be so careful with it. And not to say that I can simply be clumsy with it, but I just don’t feel like I have to worry about being so careful with it at all times.

Weaknesses

Browsing: The browsing experience in an iPad is awesome. It’s almost like Internet browsing was meant to be experienced on the iPad. It’s not like that at all on the Kindle Fire. Amazon tauts it’s Silk browsing experience which uses the cloud to make the experience faster. Yet, I’m not all that bothered by the speed. That’s fine. But it is just not as simple to browse with the Kindle Fire. If you use the iPad and them move over to the Fire, it’s very noticeable that the experience is lesser.

Apps: Thankfully, I’m not a heavy user of applications, because if I was, I’d probably not be as happy with the Kindle Fire as I am. It’s simply not as intuitive to download apps and use them on the Fire as it is on the iPad. Most of the popular ones are there, but they don’t work as well (such as Twitter and Facebook) and they don’t seem as well manicured for the experience. The apps are most definitely less slick and much harder to use.

Battery life: If you think the iPad doesn’t get much battery life, the Kindle Fire is even worse, though not by a ton. I feel like I’m charging my Fire more so than my kid charges his iPad, but it’s probably only by about 20%. Kindle users will be dismayed to know that this version of the Kindle won’t go on for days and days like other Kindles. But that’s expected with the new features.

I think iPad lovers will dismiss the Kindle Fire because it’s a very buttoned down version of the iPad, but those who have specific needs for their tablet device may really enjoy the Kindle Fire. For me, it’s nearly perfect, but it won’t be perfect for everyone.

My specific use other than reading books on it is to watch Netflix streaming. And while it may be a little slower to start-up than on the iPad, it works just as well.

If you’re into aesthetics and beauty in your gadgets, this isn’t going to be for you. But if you just want something that works and isn’t going to cost you an arm and the leg, give the Amazing Kindle Fire a looksy. I’m enjoying mine.

Beating out the likes of Tim Lincecum, Big Dave Meltzer, Brandon Walsh, and Bill Simmons is our fourth winner, “The Coach” Dan McEathron.

These two men were grandfathered into the Great Great Man Hall of Fame because of this video, which was taken at JJ’s 7th birthday.

Rather than write the history of The Coach, I decided to give him a call and we recorded a 30-minute podcast. You’ll learn about Dan’s childhood, how he met my cousin Tomiko, and what three movies you’ll watch at an all-night Coach movie party.

Also, you can take the poll on the right-hand side of the page to select the 5th winner of the Great Great Man award.

Listen below or right click to download here:

Pablo is the kind of player you just like giving nicknames to. He’s fun loving and kids enjoy watching someone who just looks like they’re having fun out there on the field. Pablo Sandoval kind of crept up on all of us. He wasn’t a high pick or a super prospect of any kind. And he achieved success at a fast pace. People forget that he’s still just 24 years old. His playful attitude has made him a fan favorite, but the same attitude has given fans some ammunition when he doesn’t play well. I can’t remember when Giants fans previously cared how much someone weighed, but they sure cared this offseason.

They cared so much that it overshadowed a lot of his problems last year that didn’t have anything to do with his weight. Sure, his range at third base seemed so much more limited than the year before. But if you went to some games last year, you’d notice that he was cheating to the left a little bit, and playing off the line. My guess is that he knew that neither Juan Uribe or Edgar Renteria was going to cover a lot of ground to their backhand so he wanted to see if he could get to some of those balls. And of course, he might’ve been cheating left a little bit because he was having trouble getting to his left as well.

But at the plate, I’m not so sure it was all that physical. All the smart ones will say that hitting is a mental game. He may have had trouble getting through the zone on inside pitches because of his size, but Prince Fielder carries a bigger boiler than Pablo did last year and he doesn’t seem to have the same problem. I really think it was mostly mental. Most every Giants fan knows that Pablo was going through a divorce last year. He has a young daughter. Those things can affect anyone in their life. Anyone whose gone through a divorce (raising my hand) knows that it’s such a complete mind f***, you find yourself day dreaming, playing scenarios through your head, thinking about the past, the future, and the people you’ve disappointed.

Something happens to second year hitters, especially those who are targeted as the big bat in the lineup. Pitchers target them. They study them harder. They found that they didn’t really need to throw Pablo strikes. He was such a free swinger that if they were off the plate by an inch or two, it didn’t matter. He was going to swing. In May of 2010, he saw his average drop from .352 to .293. By the end of July it was .264 and he ended the season at .268. I rewound my DVR a few times last year on some of his at-bats to see if pitchers were actually throwing him strikes at all. There were many an occasion where Pablo would strike out and not one pitch was in the zone. In baseball, it’s called, “getting yourself out”. The pitcher’s letting you get yourself out. Nope, I don’t think it was all physical.

Pablo worked hard in the offseason to take away the ammunition of his weight. So far, it’s paid off. His line is a strong .328/.400/.603. In fact, it’s so strong, it reminded me of the time he started this hot … in 2010. Through seventeen games last year, Pablo’s line was .333/.413/.561.

What are the takeaways? I think that mentally, Pablo is in a much stronger place than last season. He showed dedication by taking off the excess weight and becoming a better athlete. But I’d like to see him be much more consistent this year. Last year, along with his batting average, his on base percentage took a huge tumble, which means to me that when he’s hitting good, he’s much more patient than when he’s not. He’s more likely to “get himself out” when he’s struggling. Though, I think that’s very common with big league hitters. But the OBA took a bigger free fall than his batting average did last year.

The better he hits, the more pitchers will stay away from him. If he has the patience this year that he didn’t have last year, I think he has season closer to his 2009 breakout year than last year’s disappointing 2010. But let’s not get caught up in his hot start. The Blito started just as hot and continued to stay hot all through April, last year.

Even when they were on TV, I’d find myself listening to the game in my room while playing RBI Baseball on my NES. Tonight, I was outside playing catch with my ten year old (JJ) who wanted to get his arm ready to pitch in his little league game tomorrow. I rolled down the window in my car, turned on the car radio, and we started to play catch. About a minute later, Lincecum lost his no-hitter, so maybe we should’ve turned on the TV for old good luck’s sake.

But really, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Baseball is a better radio sport than a TV sport. There’s too much downtime in between pitches for TV to do the game justice. How often can you show the field or the crowd in between pitches? It’s why the analysts have to make things up to say during dead time. Baseball is a conversational game. You’re always talking to anyone within ear shot about what just happened or what’s going to happen. That’s why Twitter chatter is strong during baseball games. Even if you have no one to talk to, you have lots of people to talk to.

When Lincecum gave up his no-hitter on a 3-1 pitch to Carlos Gonzalez, JJ said his day was ruined. But he was just being dramatic and like nothing, he was back throwing me what he called his 2-seamer. He has crazy long Pedro Martinez-like fingers, so I stuck the ball in his hand in circle change grip and had him throw that too. It was falling off the table nicely. He’s my shortstop as well so I was working with him on rounding the ball. He seemed to get the idea near the end even if he was thinking about his feet too much. But you can do that while listening to baseball. As Linecum was throwing, JJ was throwing.

Lincecum has become the guy that young Giants fans mimic, much like I used to mimic Dwight Gooden when there wasn’t a Giants starter with a winning record, and later Mike Krukow when he won twenty games in 1986. JJ is built like Lincecum. He’s not tall, but he’s super thin and springy. When he looks at athletes who look like him, he sees Lincecum.

What kids will start to see as their baseball wisdom increases is that what makes Lincecum tick is his desire to compete. God gifted him with the ability to create tremendous velocity out of his wiry frame and the creativity to learn new pitches nearly on the fly. But what pushes him over the top, even beyond his ability should allow, is an insane love for winning baseball games. He hates to lose more than most. In a day and age where we try and measure everything, that desire is immeasurable.

The critics have been trying to dissect Lincecum from the start. He’s too small. His motion isn’t classic. His body won’t hold up. His breaking ball isn’t good enough. He’ll never last. Baseball critics and scouts, mostly smart people, have been predicting his demise for a while now. When writers talk about the top pitchers in the game, Linecum is put somewhere after Roy Halladay and Felix Hernandez and near Cliff Lee and Clayton Kershaw. None of those pitchers have clinched a World Series championship except for Lincecum. And when it mattered most, Lincecum beat Halladay and Lee both in the postseason.

So why doesn’t he get the acclaim after winning two Cy Young Awards and being the best player on a world championship team? It’s because he’s not three inches taller and twenty five pounds heavier. If he looked like Matt Cain, people would call him the best starting pitcher in game without fail.

Tonight, Lincecum did what your number one starter is supposed to do. He stepped on the mound in Colorado and shut down the team who had the best record in baseball. I heard on ESPN Radio over the weekend that Colorado was good enough to clinch the NL West so early that the Giants can forget about the division. People are saying that Troy Tulowitski has the NL MVP wrapped up just sixteen games into the season. Lincecum fanned him twice in three at bats. The Rockies are good, but tonight, they were no match for Lincecum.

When Lincecum’s on the mound, the team plays loose. They don’t feel like they can win with him on the mound. They simply know they’re going to win. They staked him out to a 5-0 and then 8-0 lead and he did the rest. His job was to pitch in the most difficult place to pitch for a visiting pitcher and shut down the so-called best team in baseball.

Even though Lincecum’s probably closer to 5’9 than his listed 6’0, he is a giant on the mound. Maybe that’s why JJ likes him so much. When he mimics Tim, he feels like a giant. Tomorrow, he’s going to find his Tulowitski and try and strike him out two times. Whether you call him The Freak, The Franchise, or Lincy, as my kids and me call him, just know that the Giants win games when he’s on the mound. The Rockies had no shot tonight.