This is a little hard to write because there’s no way I could do this justice in words, based on the feelings and emotions inside of me right now. To make a long story short, the girl I dated for 18 months (I’ll still save her name here just in case, but most of you know already) and I went on a break in the late summer and with those kinds of things, it’s not always certain that it was going to work. The idea was to fix some personal things and then come back stronger than ever.
(And if you knew the story and knew the intricacies around both of our lives, doing this would make a bit more sense. It probably doesn’t make much sense now.)
In a perfect world, it can happen. In a world where everything isn’t sunshine and rainbows, it doesn’t always happen. Unfortunately (and maybe predictably), it didn’t work out. And while I was ok with the idea that we weren’t going to be together anymore, there was still something incomplete about the entire thing. It was one of those here today, gone tomorrow kind of things. Especially in a long distance relationship, which is what we had, it’s hard to solve every issue, or at least tackle every issue together. Thus, you do many things that are two person jobs, by yourself, or only with some guidance. But alas, you can’t resolve them fully together. Whether it’s looking into her eyes or grabbing her hand softly which can mean, “It’s going to be ok,” much more than saying those words can mean, the absence of that is very visible to me now. It wasn’t that I overlooked it then, but it was just that I knew what the deal was and looked forward to where it was supposed to go.